Ok u know what I mean lol..on top of that how do u shut out those closest to you I'm exchange for your boyfriend who just makes music and smokes cigarettes .
If your whole life consists of going to your boyfirends house or playing video games when you aren't at work then I'm sorry something is wrong with you. How can you be content with being that unproductive .thr only time I was ever that unproductive was because I was going through intense axniety..not bc I enjoyed It.
And even if she is anxious I cant believe that instead of getting treated instead of just hanging out with friends after work when you are still working on a degree that you arent even close to finishing .
I think most people in this country are happy with mediocrity and too scared of losing what little they have, no matter how little it is... so they never strive for anything and don't really care. Its relative deprivation, they have no idea of what they're missing. And if she's on psych meds then yeah thats part of the problem.
Its inst mediocrity when you don't have your bachelors by 22(below mediocre ..I'm not criticizing ppl who have a degree later on life..I'm just saying how are u ok with spending hrs every day at your boyfriends place when you dont even have the minimum of what you yourself want yet...
And for the serious posts such as this one that is spend longer than just 15 min on..it isnt unproductive bc I'm genuinely asking for advice trying to accomplish a goal with it So bye Felicia
@icey I love how u respond to all my threads especially when I ask questions thx a lot <3 lmao
Your ambition doesnt better you perosonally or professionally by putting it into practice and working towards it...cant do that when you spend every moment working part time or going to your boy friends house, now can you?
Nicole, no need to be offended. I didn’t say that I think you spend too much time here and I didn’t say that it’s unproductive. I was pointing out that she might not agree with your lifestyle just like you don’t agree with hers.
Nicole, no need to be offended. I didn’t say that I think you spend too much time here and I didn’t say that it’s unproductive. I was pointing out that she might not agree with your lifestyle just like you don’t agree with hers.
@ loser I understand that. Again, I am not criticizing ppl who are degree-less nor am I criticizing ppl who obtain a degree after 22. What I am saying can be applied to anyone..in the sense that..it doenst make sense to spend every free moment you have with your boyfriend.
She mentioned significant adhd problems before she started hanging with him constantly and spending less time on school..I understand not being able to focus when you dont feel sane which is why I underperformed for a while despite naturally being able to score very high when I tried for the same assignments. However. I don't understand hanging out as a way to remedy that , especially if the hanging out isnt leading to improvement such as in her instance .
I think the main problem is the person's ADHD and the meds they're on. People on psych meds and with mental problems can be very clingy and codependent.
The thing with people like that is you most likely won't get through to them coz of their illness and you may just push them away. They need professional help.
And after thinking about it, so she has adhd...and ive experienced anxiety myself just because I kept focusing too much on my past mistakes and berating myself for acting dumb in past which just now I am.letting go of..
So while I didnt hangout with ppl when I was anxious , I would just sit in my room and think about the past which I (mistakenly ) as I thought I had no future at one point no matter how hard I would try ...
. While she might be hanging out with him as a coping mechanism for her adhd, I feel like how we dealt with things speaks volumes about out personalities ...
When I felt like my hard work at the moment would not amount to anything which prevented me from even trying , at least I wasnt content with not doing anything ,unlike her who just goes out all the time and seems to.actually be okay with not progressing in life and therefore letting life run her .
I basically have a mental issue lmao right now kind of depressed but I'm working thru it bc I want to get better..u have to wanf to get better before anyone can treat you. And I guess that's why mental illness sux bc the stronger it is..the harder ig is for you to want to become better
Dc she spwnds 6 hrs a day like at the most..she works for 3 hrs a day like 4 days and one day like 5 or 6..she works part time.
@DC when you're trying to obtain your degree which she is trying for....u don't obtain that by spending all your free moments with your boy friend..I mean I go to class for 6 hrs a day including travel time .if I did what she did that would be equivalent to me watching t.v. all the time except like the night before every test..umm I'm sorry that's not ok..
Actually , ur actions follow ur belief system. When I say its not ok..I am.not saying that its not ok to watch tv all day rite after class and only study nite before exam..but actually being content with this is mind boggling to me.how are u ok with not taking control of the day and letting it control u and therefore living life aimlessly .
While this assumes that living life aimlessly is bad and while it also asusmes that hanging out with boyfriend can't be considered an aim..it assumes this because its true.
If all you do is spend time with ur bf..you are sacrificing money as she only works part time. ..While she goes to class ..class is almost useless if the only thing u do is study nite before test and literally spend every other with boy friend...she is sacrificing her success.
And while some ppl dont care about being successful , that is a problem in itself...it is problematic if u dont care about being successful.I feel like if you ask me to further explain this that is a problem.
Also..why is it bad if she wants to.spend every moment with her boyfriend ? Because no healthy relationship ship involves constantly being around each other.
Also..why is it bad if she wants to.spend every moment with her boyfriend ? Because no healthy relationship ship involves constantly being around each other.
Hey guys ..thanx a lot for commentjng on this thread..it is about someone very close.to me.
I would like to spend more time on this thread than I already have so I.will do that if time allows..bcuz I def need to.respond to dc lmao..I mean I think.some of what he said was rite but not all of it..also.I dont think the logic was applied properly as It could be..but hopefully I'll have time to.respond to that ..
I think its not that people with mental illness don't try, sometimes they just can't. Truth is, even if she graduated, it doesn't sound like she'd be able to work normally. She should try to get on disability.
Everyone has their struggles and demons, some can deal with them some can't. It doesn't make them lesser human beings.
I don't see the boyfriend as much of a problem either though. Other than that maybe he should be pushing her to study more.
Nicole, on a personal level.... I've been around people with problems, girls who were abused, etc. Being frustrated and wanting to know why they're doing it won't help. Truth is those people need professional help. The most you can do for someone you feel is throwing their life away is just being there. But you can't make people do something, especially when they have a mental illness or some trauma from their past.
I think a better question is why does it bother you so much what this girl does?
She's living her life how she wants to and she's not interfering in your life, so why do you care?
Are you jealous because you are working your ass off and she's relaxing more than you?
Are you jealous because she's getting laid every day and you aren't and are horny?
Are you jealous because you want her to be spending more time with you and not with him?
I think if you studied a little bit less and had a little bit more sex, you'd be a lot happier, less frustrated, and wouldn't give a shit what your friend does with her time.
It bothers her because she obviously cares and there's nothing wrong with that. She just has to realize you can't make someone do something or change them, especially when mental illness is involved. But her caring isn't bad on the contrary.
Why do you assume her friend is mentally ill? It sounds to me like she's just a college girl working part time, going to school, and enjoying her time with her boyfriend. She sounds pretty normal to me.
Anyway, wasn't asking you your opinion. I was asking Nicole. Nicole, why does it bother you so much? It shouldn't.
Personally, I don't think it would be a problem under normal circumstances. At least shes going to school and not just smoking weed and watching cartoons. although thats okay sometimes
gringo i am not sad.i study because i enjoy it..i am not happy unless i am killing it intellectually or at least attempting to even if i may suck at doing so for whatever moment. and i balance studying with friends...i am a social butterfly and love volunteering when i am not doing school work.
i care because she is my fucking sister..not because i am trying to regulate her life, but rather because like dc said..living in the middle is respectable, and that is true. however, i dont think she is living in the middle which is why i am concerned. i think she i living it below it because...
-so she works 15 hrs a wk max i think, maybe 20. at ten dollars an hour, that isn't enough to survive at this age, she should be working towards a salary that will allow her to sustain herself ..yes im 23 and still in school but i only have one class i need to take before i get my bachelors from a top school so im fine lol..also i am holding off on graduation for at least a year. i am literally taking extra courses at UT for certain reasons..but i can do this because i can basically graduate at any time to support myself but im choosing to stay longer. -she's 22 and working a minimum wage, part time. she only has 2 yrs left to get her bachelors ..so that what she is doing would be ok if she was actually working on her bachelor's and passing her classes. however, she was getting her bachelor's but literally withdrew from all her classes (she was failing or couldnt handle it) during the semester she was working like 20-30 hrs a wk and hanging out with her boyfriend full time lmao...she also said this was when she began experiencing intense concentration problem which interfered with her academics -while the concentration problem rather than her hanging with her boyfriend could have resulted in her not being able to do classes, and maybe she hung out with her bf bc she realized she couldnt do school at the moment, she is only putting herself into more trouble by choosing to hangout with him instead of devoting more time to getting well so she can live her life normally. -she says she wants to go back to school and finish her math degree, but needs to get better first. instead of getting better she just hangs with a fucking boy all day .
--IN CONCLUSION, i dont have have a problem with her hanging with some dude all day. THE PROBLEM IS THAT INSTEAD OF GETTING HER LIFE TOGETHER SHE SPENDS TIME WITH HIM.
she literally told me that the highest she can make on tests now is 70..if the highest you can make in classes are 70's then your life is NOT TOGETHER. SO ITS NOT OK TO HANGOUT WITH SOMEONE 24/7 WHEN YOUR LIFE IS NOT TOGETHER. ..IF SHE WAS MAKING AT LEAST A B IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
and its not having high standards lmao...like dc,its about moderation. IF YOU DONT STUDY YOU CANT SAY ITS MODERATION IDIOTS LMAO...MODERATION = STUDYING SOME NOT STUDYING ZERO
Maybe she needs new meds and counseling. Sounds like she's just using him as an emotional crutch to make herself feel better and her life to appear better. Could be in her eyes, spending time with him makes her life better. The more you push her, she'll just get frustrated and pull away.
You have to realize the meds aren't always the best thing and change people, so does the illness. Maybe in her head, she can't change.
@ icey ive realized that which is why i stopped pushing her since like many years ago. i texted her asking if she would consider getting x rays done if i paid for x rays in her head to see what was wrong bc she talked about having immense head/concentration probs...honestly yes i was so nice to do this bc despite her not even fucking talking to me and instead hanging out with her boyfriend all day ,i still offered to help her get treated if she wanted to because it shows i value her well being even if she doesnt want me in her life rite now..
she didnt respond tho. just thought i'd let you know.
i went through a similar thing ..honestly like this year during the school year. what has been making me change tho is my goal. i realized if i live like that any longer i wont be able to achieve my dreams..my dream literally has saved me many times haha. hopefully she will find her purpose , regardless of whatever age that will be.
but a few years ago, i was in a much worse psychiatric conditon than her. i literally had to have ppl take care of me for a few months bc of it..even my sis could tell u i was faring worse. however, i never looked to friends and hanging out as a way out because i didnt see how pleasure would remedy anything
basically it makes me mad that she even receives happiness from hanging out with them...i feel like you should receive happiness from progress and if u cant progress than u should receive happiness from like good hobbies and good friends..i dont think hes the kind of guy that can be a good friend and i dont like who she has gone drinking in clubs because youre stressed
because ive felt trapped too..feeling like you cant make it etc..i never dranked or smoked or indulged myself in a dude long term and seriously as a solution tho because i knew even i took it to be "happy' that happiness doesnt mean anything if my circumstances are the same so what would be the point..make me mad not that she smokes and drinks and hangs out with him 24/7 but that those things actually make her happy when her life is not yet together.
in other words, i can understand going thru a tough time or not being able to handle or deal with reality and even escaping, but i cannot understand receiving happiness from a hard life from anything other than a solution..this is my point im pretty sure
and i can understand not working on a solution..FOR YEARS, i did not work towards solving my problems and remained stuck. NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO, but because i didn't think a solution was available. im sure this might be her case..and if it is, all im saying is that even when i remained stuck in life, i did not resort to things that gave me false happiness, which is something she is doing 24/7 despite needing to put her life together first..
so yeah, im gonna be mad at someone who wants to look towards someone who gets happy from music making pot smoking friends when things arent right
im not mad her for hanging out with her bf, im pissed that a person can actually receive happiness from that when their life is not how they want it to be.
I don't think she's getting happiness, its probably just reassurance and a sense of comfort and security.
She probably just can't fathom doing anything to get better so she keeps doing what she's used to. Not necessarily coz she likes it.
But then people with ADHD can lead productive lives. I know a girl who was bad, but got through college and is a school teacher now. A guy who repairs air conditioning units... so I don't want to place all of the blame on the ADHD.
I once had a neighbor kinda like your sister. This middle aged woman who was hooked on ADHD meds, lived off social security disability and had her boyfriend there. All they did was pop pills and smoke weed. She eventually got too fat to leave her apartment and the fire dept had to help them move...
But I think you're right, like an MRI of her head could help a lot, see what's there if anything. She should at least be thankful for the offer.
Not everyone can dow hat you did though. But I don't think any of it is about happiness.
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And even if she is anxious I cant believe that instead of getting treated instead of just hanging out with friends after work when you are still working on a degree that you arent even close to finishing .
One post a day takes only 10 minutes .ive spent max 15 min a day posting for the most recent months ..and I havent even posted every day
Maybe ppl wonder why youre a boring loser ?
Stop calling this medicority as if the majority of people do this..only fucking bums do this .
Yes there are ppl who cohabit when they are her age but just bc u cohabitat doesnt imply that you spend the majority of the time with each other.
No one fucking hangs out with their boyfriend right after fucking work and hanga out with him whenever they arent working or sleeping .
It doesn't mean they're not ambitious
@icey I love how u respond to all my threads especially when I ask questions thx a lot <3 lmao
My name is a red herring in case someone I know IRL sees my posts. They would never suspect it’s me. Never.
The thing with people like that is you most likely won't get through to them coz of their illness and you may just push them away. They need professional help.
So while I didnt hangout with ppl when I was anxious , I would just sit in my room and think about the past which I (mistakenly ) as I thought I had no future at one point no matter how hard I would try ...
. While she might be hanging out with him as a coping mechanism for her adhd, I feel like how we dealt with things speaks volumes about out personalities ...
When I felt like my hard work at the moment would not amount to anything which prevented me from even trying , at least I wasnt content with not doing anything ,unlike her who just goes out all the time and seems to.actually be okay with not progressing in life and therefore letting life run her .
@DC when you're trying to obtain your degree which she is trying for....u don't obtain that by spending all your free moments with your boy friend..I mean I go to class for 6 hrs a day including travel time .if I did what she did that would be equivalent to me watching t.v. all the time except like the night before every test..umm I'm sorry that's not ok..
While this assumes that living life aimlessly is bad and while it also asusmes that hanging out with boyfriend can't be considered an aim..it assumes this because its true.
If all you do is spend time with ur bf..you are sacrificing money as she only works part time. ..While she goes to class ..class is almost useless if the only thing u do is study nite before test and literally spend every other with boy friend...she is sacrificing her success.
Also..why is it bad if she wants to.spend every moment with her boyfriend ? Because no healthy relationship ship involves constantly being around each other.
I would like to spend more time on this thread than I already have so I.will do that if time allows..bcuz I def need to.respond to dc lmao..I mean I think.some of what he said was rite but not all of it..also.I dont think the logic was applied properly as It could be..but hopefully I'll have time to.respond to that ..
Thanks again!! Gnite ppl
Everyone has their struggles and demons, some can deal with them some can't. It doesn't make them lesser human beings.
I don't see the boyfriend as much of a problem either though. Other than that maybe he should be pushing her to study more.
She's living her life how she wants to and she's not interfering in your life, so why do you care?
Are you jealous because you are working your ass off and she's relaxing more than you?
Are you jealous because she's getting laid every day and you aren't and are horny?
Are you jealous because you want her to be spending more time with you and not with him?
I think if you studied a little bit less and had a little bit more sex, you'd be a lot happier, less frustrated, and wouldn't give a shit what your friend does with her time.
Anyway, wasn't asking you your opinion. I was asking Nicole. Nicole, why does it bother you so much? It shouldn't.
i care because she is my fucking sister..not because i am trying to regulate her life, but rather because like dc said..living in the middle is respectable, and that is true. however, i dont think she is living in the middle which is why i am concerned. i think she i living it below it because...
-so she works 15 hrs a wk max i think, maybe 20. at ten dollars an hour, that isn't enough to survive at this age, she should be working towards a salary that will allow her to sustain herself ..yes im 23 and still in school but i only have one class i need to take before i get my bachelors from a top school so im fine lol..also i am holding off on graduation for at least a year. i am literally taking extra courses at UT for certain reasons..but i can do this because i can basically graduate at any time to support myself but im choosing to stay longer.
-she's 22 and working a minimum wage, part time. she only has 2 yrs left to get her bachelors ..so that what she is doing would be ok if she was actually working on her bachelor's and passing her classes. however, she was getting her bachelor's but literally withdrew from all her classes (she was failing or couldnt handle it) during the semester she was working like 20-30 hrs a wk and hanging out with her boyfriend full time lmao...she also said this was when she began experiencing intense concentration problem which interfered with her academics
-while the concentration problem rather than her hanging with her boyfriend could have resulted in her not being able to do classes, and maybe she hung out with her bf bc she realized she couldnt do school at the moment, she is only putting herself into more trouble by choosing to hangout with him instead of devoting more time to getting well so she can live her life normally.
-she says she wants to go back to school and finish her math degree, but needs to get better first. instead of getting better she just hangs with a fucking boy all day .
--IN CONCLUSION, i dont have have a problem with her hanging with some dude all day. THE PROBLEM IS THAT INSTEAD OF GETTING HER LIFE TOGETHER SHE SPENDS TIME WITH HIM.
You have to realize the meds aren't always the best thing and change people, so does the illness. Maybe in her head, she can't change.
How respectful of you. Why don’t you copy and paste what you said in this thread —> https://www.tuscl.net/app/discussion.php…
she didnt respond tho. just thought i'd let you know.
i went through a similar thing ..honestly like this year during the school year. what has been making me change tho is my goal. i realized if i live like that any longer i wont be able to achieve my dreams..my dream literally has saved me many times haha. hopefully she will find her purpose , regardless of whatever age that will be.
basically it makes me mad that she even receives happiness from hanging out with them...i feel like you should receive happiness from progress and if u cant progress than u should receive happiness from like good hobbies and good friends..i dont think hes the kind of guy that can be a good friend and i dont like who she has gone drinking in clubs because youre stressed
because ive felt trapped too..feeling like you cant make it etc..i never dranked or smoked or indulged myself in a dude long term and seriously as a solution tho because i knew even i took it to be "happy' that happiness doesnt mean anything if my circumstances are the same so what would be the point..make me mad not that she smokes and drinks and hangs out with him 24/7 but that those things actually make her happy when her life is not yet together.
and i can understand not working on a solution..FOR YEARS, i did not work towards solving my problems and remained stuck. NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO, but because i didn't think a solution was available. im sure this might be her case..and if it is, all im saying is that even when i remained stuck in life, i did not resort to things that gave me false happiness, which is something she is doing 24/7 despite needing to put her life together first..
so yeah, im gonna be mad at someone who wants to look towards someone who gets happy from music making pot smoking friends when things arent right
im not mad her for hanging out with her bf, im pissed that a person can actually receive happiness from that when their life is not how they want it to be.
She probably just can't fathom doing anything to get better so she keeps doing what she's used to. Not necessarily coz she likes it.
But then people with ADHD can lead productive lives. I know a girl who was bad, but got through college and is a school teacher now. A guy who repairs air conditioning units... so I don't want to place all of the blame on the ADHD.
I once had a neighbor kinda like your sister. This middle aged woman who was hooked on ADHD meds, lived off social security disability and had her boyfriend there. All they did was pop pills and smoke weed. She eventually got too fat to leave her apartment and the fire dept had to help them move...
But I think you're right, like an MRI of her head could help a lot, see what's there if anything. She should at least be thankful for the offer.
Not everyone can dow hat you did though. But I don't think any of it is about happiness.