I stepped out of the subway and headed to the stairs. A fairly attractive young MILF is struggling with luggage. I offered to carry the luggage up the stairs for her. She glares at me and says, “What, don’t you think I’m capable of carrying it myself?”. I responded by saying, “Bitter much?”.
Who knows how many times she’s been abused, but I’ll stay chivalrous even if some women prefer to be ignored when they could use a man’s help.
Or you could have just shortened it and said "Bitch"
I would have said: "My apologies, I mistook you for a lady" and walked away.
I can't count the number of times I've had something similar happen to me over the past 25 plus years.
I'll never change....it was ingrained in me at a young age you open doors for women, you offer them your seat if they are standing, you help any time they appear to be struggling.
You do what feels right.......and hopefully people understand the intent was real.
“you help any time they appear to be struggling.” Of couse. Why wouldn’t you offer to help if anyone, male or female, is obviously struggling, whether a lady with luggage or a guy with dead battery. It’s just part of living in a civilized society.
I’m pretty independent, just bc I don’t want to give strangers an in, or make myself vulnerable to someone who might hurt me, but there’s no reason not to be polite in declining someone’s help. Even women offer to help out other women. I hope you don’t let it get to you. It was defineitly her issue. Watching out for those around you, is not dead.
Although.. I was teaching my son that he should walk on the street side, when walking next to a lady. He ask why, and I told him so that she’s futher from ppl passing, traffic, or spray and dust from cars. He said, “I think the sidewalk should be first come, first serve!”
Yes, there are moments like that, but in my experience many more women than not still appreciate the simple gestures. For some it makes their day and I'll always err toward the chance of making that happen.
She glares at me and says, “What, don’t you think I’m capable of carrying it myself?”.
She is an angry feminist. Sadly, it is now extremely mainstream and PC to hate and degrade men at every instance. Welcome to fourth-wave feminism.
I think the majority of women appreciate a man who makes such an offer.
I can’t imagine that behavior being mainstream where I live. It sounds like she was having a man-hating day. Maybe a fight w her dad, or a boyfriend. I think her rude reaction has more to do w ppl becoming less polite in general, and not some feminist agenda.
I'm guessing she was having her monthly visitor.
^ haha! It doesn’t make me grumpy. You’d be grumpy too. :P
“Does” sorry lol.
I've had reactions like that for the simple act of holding a door I just walked through for the person behind me. "I can open my own doors, thank you." But they still walk through the door without holding it themselves.
Showing good manners is never wrong. But you lost your manners when you snapped back at her.
We don’t control how others respond to us but we control, and are responsible for our own actions, at all times.
^ old men have done that to me, but I’m just used to doing it as a part of big groups from the military. It’s not even bc I don’t think they can. Ironically, I truly do struggle to open heavy doors. :(
It’s not dead, but some folks will misinterpret the gesture, and interject their own anger (in their responses).
In your situation, the woman could have handled it much better. Your reply was unwarranted, but I can see your point.
I’m happy to help anyone in need. It’s important to lend a hand. Whether the hand is accepted - is up to the person in need.
There’s nothing wrong with accepting a hand from someone. I think most people are genuine in their offers to help. If there is any question - it’s much better to politely decline.
Your initial instincts were good, but a real gentleman would have responded with something like, “Of course you can carry it yourself, but that’s not the point. I am unencumbered, and you are not. My apologies if I offended. Would you care for some help?”
Also chivalry or good manners are not something we do in order for it to be appreciated. We do it because it’s the right thing to do.
My last comment was to the OP. I agree with gmd.
You should have responded - "you seem to be having a bad day, would you care for some dick"
^ a true gentleman. ❤️
I do agree that continuing to take the high road is almost always the best option. As I'm sure y'all expect, my first response was sarcastic.
I really like the response GMD provided, but since I have a hard time not being a smart ass I probably would have used an exaggerated British accent and thrown in a "my fine madame"
LOL @ papi
If the MILF was a stripper - I’m guessing she was taken entirely off-guard. Her boyfriend - would never think of putting down his bong or controller - to help her.
Possibly the best thing to say would have been “Nice ass!” and when she glared at you a “Dilly Dilly!” would have worked perfectly.
“I’m just used to doing it as a part of big groups from the military.” Are you saying you are used to military groups doing this, or you used to do this when you were in the miltary?
I was in the military. If you were in a big informal group, and were the one on the door side, you’d take your turn to hold it for a few moments, no matter who was waking in.
I tend to avoid being the one to actually open the door, bc commercial doors are hard for me to open, but I still take a person’s place so they can go w their group.
^^“I was in the military.” You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?
I’ve mentioned it, but I guess I don’t meet a lot of dancers who are vets. Tho I know a few girls who did it for a period after being in the service. I’ve even met a couple guys.
I’ve met only one dancer that said she was a vet that I actually believed. Have met a couple more that said they were then said some crazy shit that convinced me they were lying. Surprisingly I have met quite a few who told me they wanted to join. Most probably wouldn’t have been eligible because of the miltary’s tattoo restrictions.
It’s funny bc I often think that some of the girls I work with would really do well in the military. I think them having kids is usually as issue. They have to leave them often, and have someone to leave them with.
Why would an animal doctor dance in a club? To pay tuition? I’ve been called an animal - but i thought it was a figure of speech!
Is it still OK to offer to help a stripper get out of her clothes? :)
Bj99--I know a couple dancers who are vets.
AFAIK Chivalry is not dead - I believe she's currently dancing at Follies
Whatever she is holding, knock it out of her hands and drop kick it 30 yards away!
Seriously, I think it depends on the person asking. Check out youtube and type gold digger. You can get a great insight to the "world of women thoughts".
I know a local escort who is a vet. A combat vet. She has the scars and Purple Heart to prove it.
One follies dancer told me that she was going to join the army and train dogs as soon as she quit long enough to pass the drug test. It.s been a year and she's still stripping. :)
How did this topic get from "chivalry" to a combat vet and army dog training?
We ALL KNOW that topics never "change their feathers". :)
Clubber is right. We have a knack for group ADHD. But that’s half the fun here!
" The time is always right to do what is right."... Martin Luther King Jr.
Someone mentioned they knew a dancer who was a Vet. I guess they were referring to the dancer being a military veteran (and not an animal doctor). My bad!
Too much unknowns to say exactly what or why she responded. Maybe it was you were too uncomfortably close and staring her up and down with a big creepy grin as you said it :P
But seriously, some women aren't comfortable around strangers in such a public setting such as a subway. She could've been scared, or she could've been having a rough day. Who knows. Your response comes across as taking it personally. I would've just said "Ok was just helping out. Didn't mean to offend you. Have a good day"
Had a similar experience at Costco when I offered to help a young lady struggling with a very large bag of dog food. She got a little snarky and I just played it off. Funny thing is, two weeks earlier a dude offered to help me load the same size bag of dog food into my cart I said sure thanks. Doesn't take much to mess up a back.
Wolf,
And so far, no way to fix one. Surgery was an option, but not near my spinal cord!
I don't think chivalry is dead and I usually gladly accept help or even having a door opened for me. Doesn't matter if it's a lady or a man doing it. It's just being polite.
Good manners never go out of style, you did the right thing, but I would have not responded to her with that remark. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.