Strangest tale ever told to you by a dancers.

How does a stripper know what an endangered species turtle look like? That's amazing!

Not bad.

The only crazy stories I have had over the years is one stripper told me her boyfriend hanged himself and she needed $500 to pay for his funeral. She wanted me to wire it to her via western union to some party store in Detroit.

And I can't tell you how many "my car is in the shop and needs repairs, new tires, new brakes, new transmission, etc, etc etc stories I've heard. And of course the end of the month, "my rent is due" sob stories that I'm sure all of us have heard.

But I've never heard a turtle story. lol.

Warhawks, I can only imagine the 'dead boyfriend' story was a great fabricated hustle designed to lure in the 'Captain Save-a-hoes' who would think a recently dead boyfriend meant they could get a foot in the door. Not that PL's here would be likely to fall for it- I just think if there were a stripper version of the Emmy awards on SW's Hustle Hut that story would earn a nomination.

She obviously tried it on the wrong target...

Ahhh, there have been so many ..... There's a dancer I've known for many years. I met her when she was 19 or 20 and she was my favorite dancer till my ATF "stole" me from her. We stayed in touch and I'd pay for a dance whenever I saw her at the club. When she was 23 she vanished. Not working at the club. No postings on FB, the other dancers knew nothing - no sign or word from her. Phone # disconnected, etc. About a year later I got a text from her -said she was going back to dancing & invited me to her apartment. I went and she was very close mouthed about where she'd been. Her apartment was a mess in a seedy part of the small city she lived in. While we were talking a knock on the door was another customer she'd met at the club. He and I shook hands and as we talked it became evident that he had deep pockets ( old New England money) and was quite religious. My fav and I started fucking with the guy, talking about sex which made him very antsy and clearly uncomfortable. We upped the ante and started an argument of swallowing versus spitting. He got up and silently started pacing back and forth as we discussed the caloric value of cum and its value as a face cream. He came back into the room holding a Bible and started reading passages about blasphemy and sin. We both stifled our laughs and then she started giggling. He couldn't take it and left. She told me that he was 40 years old and a virgin. She finally told me where she'd been for a year: traveling with this guy on his business trips. His idea of a good time is to have her piss on him and he drinks her piss. She said the job paid well.

Long ago when I used to go to a city with a military base for business, I learned that I couldn't ever tell a stripper that I'm a lawyer. The reason is that I did tell them the first few times, and without fail every single dancer had a long complicated story about some guy (usually a boyfriend or husband, but sometimes a brother or a friend). in the military went AWOL. Apparently that's what drives a lot of girls to be strippers in military towns -- their paycheck leaves either AWOL or deployment -- and they are left to fend for themselves financially. Every stripper hoped that I was their savior and could answer complicated legal questions about topics that I knew little or nothing about. It was sometimes quite a challenge to transition the conversation to the quality and price or her oral services.

For example one dancers husband left his post and ran off with her younger sister and her cousin. Then the cousin came back to get the guys stuff from the house. There was a cat fight. Oh yeah, the cousin was a stripper and the sister was under age. Wish I could remember more of the details.

My ATF told me that one time her ex husband wanted to have anal sex with her. She told him to go out in the back yard, find a stick about the size of his dick and stick it up his own ass and then to let her know how it felt. He never asked again.

A stripper told me about having to let her younger sister (also a stripper in the same club) and her three kids move in with her for a couple weeks. Two weeks stretched into three, then four, then little sister had a few bad nights at the club and couldn't make rent. Big Sis asked, then demanded, that Lil Sis move the fuck out. Somewhere along the line, Lil Sis' kids burned a big hole in the living room carpet and poured Kool-Aid all over the leather sectional. Big Sis also had three kids, at least two with somewhat conjectural progeny. The carpet fire brought firefighters, then cops, the Child Protective Services, and then the sister's parents. They were shocked to find that both their princesses were riding laps for a living. This also started a fight with Big Sis' baby-daddy, who threw a punch at Daddy, got his ass kicked, and then got arrested. Turns out he was violating his conditions of probation, had warrants in another state, and was holding over an ounce of weed when the cops patted him down.

Upshot of this was twofold.....Could Big Sis please borrow some money to help Baby Daddy make bail, and could I please NOT get any dances from Lil Sis, who is an evil cunt and ruined Big Sis' perfect life and doesn't deserve any money because she'll just smoke it up?

I was getting a VIP from a dancer once who told me that she just lost her regular . Apparently, he liked to drink her pee in VIP ( I see a poem coming). She told me that one day she just could not pee, so she got the bartender to pee in a bottle and tried to give her Regular that. The Regular quickly figured out that it was not her pee (I guess we all have a unique flavor, who knew?) and got very angry. Now, she was hurting for money as the Regular was paying her about $250 per week. Interestingly, the Regular was not having sex with her in the VIP, just drinking her pee.

I would have been more shocked she knows that there are different species of turtles than anything else.