tuscl

OT: Seeking Advice

LecherousMonk
Mom's basement
Hello, gentleman! I have this friend who is in an embarrassing predicament: a month and a half out from turning 30, and he's never done it with a civilian woman. Now, I know that perhaps a forum about paying females to pretend to like you is not the best place to seek this kind of advice, but if any of you were ever successful with the ladies on a non-compensatory basis my . . . friend would love to hear your pointers on how to complete this hail mary.

11 comments

  • shadowcat
    •
    8 years ago
    Just tell them that you love them.
  • twentyfive
    •
    8 years ago
    Say two rosaries and a hail Mary .
  • vincemichaels
    •
    8 years ago
    Twentyfive and shadowcat have great wisdom. Tell him also to be their friend and treat them right, not like so many of the assholes out there. I had one hell of a lot of girlfriends throughout my life. One of the reasons I never got married. They greatly appreciated my attitude and often initiated our sex because I am one of the good guys,
  • shailynn
    •
    8 years ago
    First I thought you were talking about larryfishsticks but he's only 15. Then I thought of SJG but he's much older.

    My best advice is go buy some new clothes, go get a decent hair cut and be yourself. Get a Match.com account, a Tinder account and anything else available locally. Whenever he wants to speak, say the opposite of what he usually says, because whatever he's been doing since puberty, hasn't been working.
  • ime
    •
    8 years ago
    the old George Costanza do the opposite, good advice
  • skibum609
    •
    8 years ago
    The haircut and nicely dressed work. Key? Be nice. Look at her face when you speak. Listen to what she says, because if you are lucky she will bring up something else related in a few minutes and you can make an inquiry based on the two comments. Why does that work? You listened, did not give advice and remembered. GOLDEN RULES - Don't mention other women, don't check out other women, don't talk about your mom.
  • twentyfive
    •
    8 years ago
    And if your politics are anything like skidum's wear freshly pressed sheets!
  • shailynn
    •
    8 years ago
    Oh and lastly, if he still lives with his mom tell him to lie and say he lives on his own. Strippers don't care if you live with your mom but civie girls do.
  • likes2look
    •
    8 years ago
    Here is my 2 part plan

    1 stay at the bar until closing
    2 dramatically lower your standards
  • Imamutt
    •
    8 years ago
    Find an Asian woman who'll marry for a green card. Duh!
  • DoctorPhil
    •
    8 years ago
    tell your friend that if he's caught in a lie he should stop digging
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