DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My common-law husband, who has been with me eight years, needed to learn a big lesson. He comes home drunk on Fridays after spending four or five hours at the bar watching peelers. I have got nothing against strippers, because I used to be one, but no guy needs to spend four or five hours watching shows. That makes me think he's backstage sampling the merchandise.
So, I told him a lie. I told him I got some kind of disease from him that's making me itch and that he must have got it from somebody he saw on one of his Friday nights out at the bar. He turned so red I knew he was guilty. I told him to go get it checked out and he came back clean. Now he thinks I have something and I must be cheating on him -- he won't come near me now and he's really mad. I tried to tell him I was lying in the first place, but he won't believe that either. Now what? -- Life Sucks, North End
Dear Life Sucks: Since the lying has backfired, you have two choices: you can either get yourself checked out, show him a clean bill of health and blame the itchiness on the hot weather, or get out of his life. If you don't want to break up, you need to have a big heart-to-heart talk about his attending strip clubs for half the night when you know what goes on there. Start the conversation like this: "I am sorry to have caused this big mess because I really love you and want to trust you, but the strip-club world is something I know. Regulars who stay long periods of time are often trying to get sexy with the girls offstage." If he truly loves you, he will see why you are hurting and why you did what you did.
Learned her lesson? I don't see it that way. It sounds like they deserve each other.