Happily Married

Tough question - 25+ year with wife #1 = not happy at all. 10 years with SO = happy but there are circumstances which I need to escape the world for a while. But you make be wonder if I wasn't already hooked by the time the SO came along. She was a dancer.

I think it's entirely possible. Being happily married and craving female variety are two entirely different things.

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes

Practice makes perfect.

Why did you get married, John?

Don't yall know the day is gonna come when we don't hear from JS about his BS with his DS.

I was married once and that was more than enough. It was impossible to hide my clubbing & finances from her, tho that wasn't the reason we split up. But it certainly didn't help things.

Mike I don't really remember why I got married. I just remember it seemed to be the thing to do at the time. Regular pussy was certainly part of it but surely I'm not that superficial? Little did I know that soon after she said "I do" she started saying "I don't." I think it's fraud.

In my case strip clubbing was the result of an unhappy marriage. Not the cause of it.

JS 69, you make it sound like there was never a good time in your marriage. Was it bad from the beginning? I can honestly say the first ten years, especially the first five, were pretty damn good. I genuinely loved her and fucked her six ways from sunday. Her ass as a twenty year old is the one all asses are judged by to this day. My marriage has gone too shit now no doubt, but it wasn't always bad. Was yours EVER good?

Am I the only one shocked lopaw has to hide her clubbing like most of the guys do? Maybe I'm just being naive.

I've been nothing but happy with my SO. Pretty much the only way we don't see eye-to-eye is she's monogamous and she can only be one woman, with one hair color and body type, at any time.

Is there some deception involved with #3? Sure, but I don't necessarily think there's all that much.

First off, no joint checking account. I have mine, she has hers. We figure out what shared expenses we have and how much income we brought in each month, and if there's a disparity in our ratio of expenses paid versus our ratio of income, one of us writes a check to the other -- usually, she writes me a check because I pay our biggest expense, the mortgage. Then, what she has left in her account, she can spend as she wishes. She loves it because she knows she gets to keep what she earns and can do with it whatever she wants. Whereas one of her friends is always asking her husband if she can afford a dress this month when they go shopping or whatever, my SO knows whether she can or not because she's the one buying it for herself with her money. I like it because she doesn't need to know what I sometimes spend it on.

With the work I do nights, she knows I sometimes like to have a late dinner or drink ... she just doesn't know I occasionally like to have some scenery or company with it. So no real issue there.

I love my SO, and spending time with her, and her me. Every once in a while, though, I just need something else. It's great to be loved by a wonderful woman. It's even better to occasionally feel like you're loved by two, or three, or however many you want. It's an awesome life.

I do not believe in doing sex outside marriage but I'm not married either. However if a dancer tells me she's married or another female tells me,I will avoid hooking up with her. I might run into trouble if things progress extremely rapid and I forgot to ask. It happened a couple of times and I'm not sure if I even knew their name. That can happen if they are very oral and then too much blood leaves your head. :)

I meant sex outside marriage if already married.

I've never been married and never will be, but I've known a couple of married guys who went to the strip clubs and their wives didn't mind; they didn't seem to mind where those guys drove their cars just as long as they parked in the right garages. Another old friend didn't mind her husband going out to the clubs with me either; her sister was up in arms about it (nuts, she just about locked us out of her apartment) but the wife had nothing but trust in her husband.

Course, all of this was twenty-some-odd years ago, too, when the clubs were far more pay-per-view than pay-for-play. What the wives would feel today, I have no idea.

Tobala, it was good for 10 + years. It's just that was just such a long time ago that it no longer seems to have much relevance. But yeah it was good for a while.

For everyone who thinks they're happily married despite secret strip clubbing, go for it if it works for you. I'm just trying to get people to look at things realistically, but of course our realities are different for each of us.

Sounds like to me someone's feeling guilty

For those who don't seem to care about marriage vows, there's a web site to hook up with married girls. I've seen pop up ads for it. I think half the population seems to want to say they are married but doesn't believe in the vows for marriage if one party is not delivering.

Craving variety is one thing but acting upon it is entirely another issue.

Hey, but to each his own. I can't stand in judgement of others. I've wasted a small fortune on strippers in my lifetime and plenty of people would say that's wrong.

@seaboardrr- I've met and talked to lopaw and when you hear her describe it, it makes sense. I don't think its any more shocking than anyone else's situation. People are people.

Doesn't really matter how beautiful or nurturing or charming your wife is -- men like to sleep around. It's genetic. It's possible to still love your wife though, since the cheating doesn't involve any sort of emotional attachment and is about as meaningful as taking a dump.

If your wife is cheating on you, then situation is very different and your marriage is likely over. Women who cheat on their husbands are much more likely to be seeking an emotional attachment.

Happy and married are two terms that should never be in the same sentence. "Why does divorce cost so much? Because it is worth it." I am all for equality - She needs to bring home enough money to pay for her half or get the F*** out. Almost every woman I have ever met "wants" to be taken care of = if you love me we need to share everything = I want access to your bank account to spend everything you have saved/made over your entire life and then some. For anyone contemplating marriage I have one word of advice: DON"T If you insist I have 8 words: Ironclad Prenuptual agreement and no joint bank accounts!

"Doesn't really matter how beautiful or nurturing or charming your wife is -- men like to sleep around. It's genetic."

I agree that those things don't matter much. However it does very much matter if a wife is fun, exciting, adventurous, creative and satisfying sexually. If she were, then I wouldn't cheat. But she is not, so I stray.

"the cheating doesn't involve any sort of emotional attachment and is about as meaningful as taking a dump."

You must take really awesome dumps. Several of my GFE have been extremely intimate. No we don't love each other, but we spent hours sharing very intimate things with one another. those are the exact things you agree to only do with your wife when you get married.

Tired Traveler, well said. I gladly pass the anti-marriage baton to you.

In life one should strive to be content, not happy. Happy is not a natural permanent state.

It's also not always yes or no. I'd give my marriage a 5 or 6 overall, but my sex life in my marriage a 3.

1. no. Is it a happy marriage if you are the only happy? 2). No Not forever
2. Happy and lying I don't think go hand in hand and if/when your SO finds out, well, you may not understand the torture They would go through. It's beyond anything you can imagine. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. But if he betrayed me sexually or emotionally? I shudder to think. Personally for me Deception is much worse than the actual act itself.

My answer is triple yes - on steroids. After three decades of having a secret hobby, I've gotten very good at the deception. At this stage of my life, it would be foolish to divorce my wife, so I just keep up the game. In the words of Buddy Guy and many other blues musicians..."It's cheaper to keep her"!

Why are you shocked, seaboardrr?

Shark, are you talking about the Ashley Madison site?