Girl Advice
shailynn
They never tell you what you need to know.
A year and a half ago (March 2013) I met someone on the internet. Very attractive girl who is a few years younger than me. She is married and hates her husband, he never has sex with her, and they have no children (for reference I have a S.O. as well). This girl and I agreed to meet and take what ever happens for what it is. She lives over 1,000 miles away from me and I bought her a plane ticket to come visit me in June. Due to flooding she was stranded and wasn't able to make the flight in time. Legit excuse, I believed her. Second meeting was to happen in July, she was to go to a conference for her work, and instead of flying home, come fly to me for a few days and return home. She bought her own tickets this time around, I even booked them for her using her credit card. Her office booked her stand-by for the flight to the conference and she never made it on the plane after waiting at the airport all day. Third meeting was to happen in August, but she came home one day to find her husband had left her and she was a train wreck. A few weeks later he came back and she thought it was a bad idea to leave for a "conference" the same week he finally returned home. Fast forward a few months down the road and we were to meet before the holidays in November. I had called her and she's dumb enough to put my real name in her phone, and her husband was home early that day from work and sees my name on her phone, confronts her and ends up smashing her phone into a million pieces, essentially cancelling trip 4. Aside from trip 1, she always paid for the tickets and I even had proof. After that, things really fell downhill and we didn't talk much for a few months. She used to call me her boyfriend, and after trip 4 fell apart, I told her she had lost the right to call me her boyfriend, which apparently really upset her. This really fell apart and we would go weeks without talking to each other.
Around February 2014 I told her she would have to make more effort to communicate with me if she wanted me to be part of her life. Then she stopped communicating with me all together. Around March of this year she started contacting me like crazy saying I hurt her feelings really bad with my last comment and that she wanted me back in her life. Strangely enough she started this while she was going on a cruise with her husband. I swear the girl is cursed because she couldn't even go on her cruise since it left right around the same time the oil tanker crashed in Galveston, TX. A few of the ships were able to make it out, but hers was not and she went home. Aside from that things started to pick up again. We always had a very strong connection that we both couldn't deny. I can't explain falling in love with someone I had never even met but it happened. We started talking and she expressed that she missed me, she sent me a photo of her in lingerie. Knowing she'd never do that for her husband I called her out and said she was fucking someone else. Turned out I was right, and she finally admitted it after being confrontational with me for a week claiming it was a one night stand which she regretted and that's why she was contacting me, because it made her realize how badly she needed me back in her life. I was upset and a little hurt that she did that, but I know I don't have room to talk because it's not like I behaved well either (just read my reviews! lol). I never have told her about what I do on and off of this board and she never has assumed I have done anything either. Or if she has, she has never brought it up to me.
We've always had a great connection and I even bought her a small present for her birthday which was last month. It all comes down to this: I told her I will be going to Vegas next month and she is more than welcome to join me. She knows she would have to pay for her own ticket, if this happens it will be our first time meeting EVER. If she doesn't make it I think it would be time to officially call it quits.
I can't believe I have put up with this, but the connection I have with her is very strong and for some reason we keep getting drawn back to each other. Maybe my life is a lot more boring that I think and I just enjoy some drama now and then!?!?! She doesn't mention much about her home life but I get the feeling her husband is abusive, maybe not physically but at the minimum verbally and she's scared to death of pissing him off. She says he drinks at least a 6 pack after work every night, maybe he has a drinking problem? She also hasn't been exposed to much in life growing up with a single mother. She lives in Texas and I'm not sure if she's ever been outside a bordering state, and doesn't own a passport. Without her husband she has nothing, so she knows if she screws up that relationship she would have a hard time. She does have a job and did graduate college, but their house was given to them by her husband's dad. I can't figure out if she's a catfish, she sees me as a phone buddy, or is afraid to take the step to meet me. She has said she fears meeting me will be too good and she won't be able to stand going back home to him. She often tells me she can't wait until it's Monday on the weekends so she can get away from him, and she also hates her job right now so it must be pretty bad sometimes at home. She also says she wants us to leave our current S.O.s and start a life together, but I have told her I don't take that seriously when she can't even figure out a way to get to me and since she got caught fucking another guy it's going to be a long time before I could ever trust her again.
So what would my TUSCL buddies do in a PL situation like this? Fuck that almost sounds like a LMN sob story?
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No, it didn't. Love is not and exchange of emails. Love is whole lot more. What you have is infatuation. So does she.
Dude, you are being played. She just wants someone to play with when its convenient for her. And she feels good making believe she has a secret lover, or whatever she has in her mind about you. She's lying. If she lies once, she can lie anytime. She's lying.
Love is when you meet someone, and over lots of time together you learn who the person really is, the truth, and you build a commitment and a caring and a whole lot of other stuff. Unfortunately, in this twisted age of electronic communication and Facebook and shit people are believing this insane BS that people they never met face to face are their friends and lovers. Don't fall for it.
If you're smart, you'll run the other way as fast as you can. There are far too many fine ladies in this world to worry about some insanity like this.
Meeting on the internet is fun and easy. It requires nothing from either party. It's like so many things in the internet age, it's instant gratification.
Love and real personal relationships are totally different. But nowadays people don't understand that. Reading someone's words tells you nothing about them. But if you love them, you know almost everything about them. You love THEM, not what they portray to you.
It's like every female on the planet falling in love with Brad Pitt for the most shallow and baseless of reasons. He's a hunk, and the way he's portrayed on screen makes women cream in their jeans.
Is that who Brad Pitt really is? Hell no. Do the women really love him? Hell no. They are infatuated with how he is portrayed.
Just be honest with yourself, and respect yourself enough to not fall for BS like this.
I can't explain why I let myself get so sucked in ilbbaicnl put it best and most bluntly, it has turned into a compulsion that needs to end.
In my case I wish you were right, I'd have a lot less headaches.
Married women need strange too. Remember they usually don't have easy access to places like strip clubs like we do. There's ways to pull ass beyond strip club walls. Plus most of these women are thrilled for you to just take them to dinner, where as some strippers expect an apartment and keys to your mercedes. Heck the last I 2 cougars I saw were married to wealthy men and consequently they would never let me pay for anything (as in hotel rooms and dining out). Most of their husbands were doing it on them, so they thought it was okay to do it as well and making sure they were using their husbands visa to pay for everything.
- brining that up is opening a whole new can of worms on this board and I'm not going there, just commenting on what I was told in the past by more than one cougar.
I just got too caught up in this one. I wanted to see it through and didn't want to give up until I accomplished what I set out to do, but it's never gonna happen and I just need to wake up.
That is excellent advice. I finally discovered flight club last fall and I've been there at least 6 times. I also have a striped that meets me for OTC on Sunday mornings when I'm in town..
This chick was the unicorn in my quests - I just need to stop chasing her! Lol
If you know someone online, there is always the fear that with a face to face meeting the attraction and compatibility will not be there. Same thing for dating services or friends playing match maker. No reason to subject people to this.
I mean sure, some clubs have posted lots of pictures of their dancers. But I would never set up a situation where one of their dancers is waiting for me to come meet her face to face. That is playing with something likely to result in hurt feelings.
Instead, I just go by my feelings about the person when I meet them face to face with no prior expectations. So I am not looking for any sort of intimacy with those I might meet online or look at pictures of. No good. Instead, there is nothing until there is a first face to face meeting. If I walk in to a strip club, I will find the one who appeals to me. Pictures and any prior communications or recommendations will carry no weight.
So people I know online, are for online, and maybe for business or intellectual purposes, but not for objects of sexual attraction.
SJG