Dancer Residue

8/1/2012 11:54:54 AM

While I'm sure it happens to all of us from time to time, I have had an increase of late involving stains, emissions and glitter on my apparel after an evening of clubbing. Lately I have arrived home several times only to notice something brown, probably bronzer or some such cosmetic, across the front of my pants. A couple of weeks ago I was ready to leave the club when a dancer pointed out to me that I had glitter on my face. (Trust me guys, I didn't put it there when I went out for the evening.) Now, last week, I noticed that my dress pants had a noticable stain of vaginal fluid ("Clitty Litter") after a vigorous LD at John's Hot Spot.
My point is, since I notice so many reviews mentioning "since I had a few minutes to kill before my meeting..." or "on my way to the airport..." what do you do to prevent arriving to a business meeting with tell-tale stains or other detritus on your clothing?
I have learned to always travel with a change of clothing, even when I am not away overnight. Several times I have had to stop by a McDonald's bathroom to change my pants, shirt or wash my face after high mileage dances at the club. Please share what measures,if any, you take to avoid the shame or embarrassment of carry around incriminating evidence.

19 comments

Latest

steve3003

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12 years ago

Change of clothes works if you're on business travel and your clothes are close by. If I'm local (within an hour driving distance), and I dropped in before a dinner engagement, I go to the dept. store to buy new pant and shirt (them smell thing). Doesn't work if you got a wife or live-in girlfriend.

Stiletto25

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12 years ago

Its probably bronzer. Alot of girls I work with put on body bronzer. Possibly keep a strip club sweatshirt in your car. Just put it over your shirt and they can get glitter and perfume on that and just take it off when youre done. Other than that, possibly a few wash cloths in your car for your face and you can get them wet and wipe off your pants. Purell hand sanitizer does a great job of wiping away scents. The alcohol in it overpowers a perfume scent so you might carry that around too.

Doc_Holliday

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12 years ago

Purell should be mandatory anyway! There's about only two things I want to ever touch in a strip club, the dancers and my drink.

bang69

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12 years ago

I agree with Stiletto 100% @Doc_Holliday I also agree with you 100%

Revolution

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12 years ago

Not just purell. Often you can get a scented hand Sanitizer at a bath and body works or some such. This masks perfumes extremely well. Then you only have to survive the derisive remarks about shopping at bath and body works.

shadowcat

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12 years ago

Or you can go here.

A South African strip bar is hoping to cash in on your dirty little secret visit by helping you cover it up with some cologne.

The Cape Town club is offering a line of fragrances for its clientele heading home to their wives to help discreetly cover the scent of its establishment.

The cologne line, appropriately called Alibi, comes in such scents as My Car Broke Down, featuring the smells of fuel, rubber, grease and steel, as well as I Was Working Late, with the scent of coffee, wool suits and ink.

"The fragrance market is a natural extension for the sexy, sophisticated and upmarket Mavericks brand, and the idea of a range of 'Alibis' is one that will undoubtedly generate interest, particularly for gentlemen upon leaving the club," reads the club's pitch on its website.

The scents are available exclusively at Mavericks Gentleman's Club for $37.50. The club is taking international mail orders, but has no current plans to extend that marketing strategy.

stenton1

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12 years ago

Purell hand sanitizer is mandatory, and I keep a bottle of Fabrese in the car too. It works wonders for killing the scent of another woman and the smell of smoke, if the club permits it.

SuperDude

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12 years ago

I welcome dancers' cum stains, if such things, in fact, exist.

steve229

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12 years ago

I've had a female co-worker point out a piece of glitter on my cheek before. That stuff is hard to get rid of, lol

MADDOG_ROMEO

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12 years ago

It's good sometimes to have a wing man...A buddy of mine leaving the club a few weeks ago had lipstick imprint smear on the side of his face...Not sure if he would have caught it, but luckily I pointed it out to him before he went home to his wife....

I don't have an SO, so it doesn't matter in that regard - but a few times I've had suit pants with the "Clitty Litter" stain on the one leg running practically down to the knee...and didn't realize it until the next time wearing the suit...As a result, I've stopped scheduling meetings first thing in the morning to allow time for "operation cleanup" where necessary...lol

looneylarry

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12 years ago

As always, stiletto, you have timely and useful advice. About the only surefire thing for me is a complete change of clothes in the car. That requires considerable advance planning, however, and its own risk. What if I sneak a set of clothes into the car and the wife opts to take that car and then looks in the trunk? I would be hard pressed to explain why a set of dress clothes is sitting there in a folded little pile.

The real killers are the little private clubs that still allow smoking. Since nearly all regular bars are now nonsmoking, you can't explain away the liquor smell if you also have smoke smell on you. So, so easy to get busted that way. So in addition to the change of clothes, I have to put my head out the window of the car for a while and get a really good 60-mph hair cleaning, and then I stop at a chain like 7-11 and use their bathroom as a dressing room. They don't seem to hassle a white guy in dressier clothes at 11 pm. In the bathroom I still have to do a good scrub down with lots of wet paper towels on my face, neck, scalp, hair, arms, and chest. Of course, if I can work in a shower before I jump into bed, so much the better.

georgmicrodong

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12 years ago

I'll repeat again what I've said before: I am *so* glad I don't have anything to hide from my wife.

hammerthor

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12 years ago

I can second the lipstick smears comment. I had gotten home pretty late from the club, and worked early in the morning, so my shower before work was pretty quick. I was talking to one of my coworkers, and he mentioned me having some sort of rash on my cheek and neck. I made my way to the bathroom, and as I checked the mirror, saw "lip prints" on my face. Scrubbing vigorously barely got it off, which is probably why my shower was unsuccessful.

bjag625

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12 years ago

My face was covered in bronzer after a vip lap dance but i have no idea how it got there....maybe her boobs in my face? I was so drunk I don't remember. Don't remember her kissing my face....jeez I hope not. Didn't realize until I got home. My shirt and pants were covered with bronzer as well and some of the stains won't come out. Spray tan maybe? It's gross. My advice is check your clothes before you get home, or hide them until you can wash them yourself. My SO found mine and it didn't go over well.

3LeggedMan

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12 years ago

I came home one night pretty convinced I had cleaned up sufficiently. As I sat with the wife watching TV, the family dog took a real interest in my pant leg. Ever since that night, a change of clothes is mandatory.

gatorfan

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12 years ago

Anything but blood shit and piss is fine with me

JackKash

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12 years ago

I haven't seen glitter in a long time and even the perfume has not been as strong as before in the places I visit. Once tatoos became main stream, concealer on my shirt or pants also disappeared. Otherwise, since my clubbing is done when I travel, I get back to the hotel too late to care. I always wash up the next morning. The clothes stay in the suitcase and then go straight into the washer when I do laundry once I get home. Sometimes, there is a small lingering perfume scent as I put the clothes in that illicits a short nostalgic moment before it gets washed away.

mmdv26

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12 years ago

Glitter cream has no significant impact on their appearance in the club, so why do dancers use it? Just another way of marking their territory.

pickett1914

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12 years ago

That damn glitter is the worst. It serves no purpose and once it is on you it is hard to get rid of. One dancer at the Hi Liter in Phoenix seem to rejoice in knowing she got that crap all over guys. Can't say I was sad when she finally got let go by the club.

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