My Google Voice number rang again on my way to work this morning. The caller preview said that it was My Favorite Cocksucker, so I answer it. An angry male voice immediately starts demanding information.
Him: "Who the fuck is this?" Me: "You called me. Who the fuck are you?" Him: "Why the fuck is your number in my girlfriend's phone under 'money'?"
Remembering a TUSCL post from a while ago... Me: "Bub, this is a duty phone. There's 30 different guys using it during the month. You got a name?"
Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to phaze him, because he keeps on ranting and raving about I better stay away from her, and how she's a whore, etc, etc, ad nauseum. So I hang up.
He calls back twice more, and leaves ranting voicemail, but on the third call back I answer again.
Me: "Hello." Him: "Listen motherfucker, you better stay away from her, she's my whore." Me: "So she is a whore then, huh? Is she any good? Can I call her later?" Him, sputtering: "You son of a bitch, I'm gonna..." Me: "Shut the fuck up, asswipe. If you were a tenth the man you think you are, you're girlfriend wouldn't be out fucking other guys for money, so just shut the fuck up."
Then I hung up, and since I had made it to work, imset that number as spam, so now he gets the "number no longer in service" message.
A little while later, another call, from her home phone, comes in, but I let that one go straight to voicemail. When I listen to it, it's actually MFC, and she's telling me not to answer her other phone, because she broke up with he BF last night, and he stole her phone and won't give it back.
So I call her back and tell her it's too late. She's all apologetic and wants to "make it up to me."
"Not this time, sweetheart. I don't want to have to kill your BF if he follows you."
What does she say to that? I kid you not, the next word out of her mouth, after a pause, was, "darn".
I nearly died laughing.
