investment update..

Witch phone isn't working? The one she couldn't afford to pay, or the new one you bought for her? She may have had to go out of town for some sort of investment seminar, or other type of meeting. I agree, I am sure she will be in touch shortly. Not to worry!

Dick - I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you've been the victim of a scam. Sorry to say that there are a lot of unscrupulous stripper CFPs out there.

I know this because MY stripper CFP used to work for a big Wall Street firm (ever hear of Lehman Brothers?) before she had to move down here to take care of her sick mother. She told me how any so-called "hedge fund" promising a 500% return is a scam. Lucky for me she's got me invested in something called CDOs - she says there just like T-Bills, but a better return.

I wouldn't be concerned, there was a bad solar flare the last few days which has disrupted alot of cellular communications. Wait a few days and try her again, I'm sure she is waiting with your dividends.

Dick, is it too late to get in on this? I loaned a stripper $7500 for a boob job, yeah, they're really nice! It's been 6 months. Anyway, she said to stop by her boyfriend's place today and he'd take care of me.

Philip, repossess those boobs!

PAS - You should at least get visitation rights.

Maybe she's piled it all into Euros, in hopes of playing for a bounce prior buying the strip club?

I hear that a lot of stripper CFPs have gone to Greece since they had so many investments there. Dick, you could probably find here there. Shouldn't be too hard. She'll be one of the few not participating in the riots.

Don't worry, she emailed me from Aruba, says our investments are going well.

these posts are hilarious DJ, keep them coming

She's probably out of town for a guest appearance on Mad Money. Give her a few days.

Could have been worse. You could have followed txtittyfan's advice lately to short treasuries and short the US dollar. Then you would have been completely wiped out.

She's probably busy touring the offices and operations of the companies in which she's planning on investing your money. You don't make 500% yields without doing your homework.

Man, its tough all over. Pedro took all my pygmy llamas to get their hooves trimmed and they never came back, so I am out $10,000 and stuck with 1000 lbs. of granulated llama food and a pen full of llama shit. (its getting deep in here . . . fertilizer anyone?).

DJ,

I hate to tell you this, but she was killed in an automobile accident in Nigeria. I received an email from the bank she kept your money in. The guy there wishes me to help him get it back into the US. I just sent a wire for $1000 to cover shipping fees and all my account information so he can get the funds here ASAP. I guess I should get the $10.5 million in a week or so. I'll let you know.

I have an idea, why don't we all go to Nigeria and bring her body back. We can stuff all the money in her, they'll never think to look in her body when she gets back to the States.

I have an idea, why don't we all go to Nigeria and bring her body back. We can stuff all the money in her, they'll never think to look in her body when she gets back to the States.

vm,

The second time would be redundant. If she was anything close to MG, the cash might only fill 1.5 boobs!