If strippers had performance reviews like guys working in a corporation with som
casualguy
Goals for past year (determined by your bosses)
1. Do 100 dances a week at $40 a dance, raise prices on customers to $50 and do 150 dances a week by midyear.
Dancer: Made $1000 a week, customers weren't buying as much. Failed.
2. Charge an extra $300 for sucking below the belt, 50 times a week.
Dancer: Only 10 customers per week were willing to pay $60 to $100,except for one guy willing to pay $300 for a handjob but he wasn't a repeat customer.
3. Find a project to increase strip club business over 10 percent. Measured by increase in profits the strip club makes on drinks and food.
Dancer performance response: Worked as dancer, no measurable increase in strip club profit.
List other significant activity that you did that helped increase profits for the strip club.
Dancer: Sucked hundreds of guys off so they would keep coming back to the club. Listened to all their sob stories and laughed at all their stupid jokes. Pretended I was having fun while they were telling their silly stories. Told them they had big dicks. Gave out phone numbers that didn't work but pretended I was going to get to it as soon as I could but gave some stupid excuse for not returning their call, unless I thought they had tons of money to burn.
Months later the Company response: Sorry but due to tough economic conditions, we were regretably required to have an across the board pay freeze for dancers. We also had to eliminate benefits at all divisions. Benefits such as tips you receive from customers should be immediately turned over to management. We felt this was in the best interest for all concerned so that we could reduce the need for further layoffs. Furthermore, if your performance review was negative and you aren't meeting expectations, your pay will be cut based on how well your performance review was.
1. Do 100 dances a week at $40 a dance, raise prices on customers to $50 and do 150 dances a week by midyear.
Dancer: Made $1000 a week, customers weren't buying as much. Failed.
2. Charge an extra $300 for sucking below the belt, 50 times a week.
Dancer: Only 10 customers per week were willing to pay $60 to $100,except for one guy willing to pay $300 for a handjob but he wasn't a repeat customer.
3. Find a project to increase strip club business over 10 percent. Measured by increase in profits the strip club makes on drinks and food.
Dancer performance response: Worked as dancer, no measurable increase in strip club profit.
List other significant activity that you did that helped increase profits for the strip club.
Dancer: Sucked hundreds of guys off so they would keep coming back to the club. Listened to all their sob stories and laughed at all their stupid jokes. Pretended I was having fun while they were telling their silly stories. Told them they had big dicks. Gave out phone numbers that didn't work but pretended I was going to get to it as soon as I could but gave some stupid excuse for not returning their call, unless I thought they had tons of money to burn.
Months later the Company response: Sorry but due to tough economic conditions, we were regretably required to have an across the board pay freeze for dancers. We also had to eliminate benefits at all divisions. Benefits such as tips you receive from customers should be immediately turned over to management. We felt this was in the best interest for all concerned so that we could reduce the need for further layoffs. Furthermore, if your performance review was negative and you aren't meeting expectations, your pay will be cut based on how well your performance review was.
8 comments
Communications Skills: Learned how to say, "suck and fuck" in Spanish; led to greater business during Cinco de Mayo and 16 de Septiembre.
Leadership: First dancer to offer anal in the VIP. Trendsetter.
Judgment: Told the bouncer I wouldn't blow him but I would rat him out to his wife if he asked again. Never bothered me again.
Back when unemployment was so low it was considered "full employment" (a/k/a, the Bush years, before Pelosi and Reid took the reins of congress), one could just leave a company that treated him without proper respect. Now, however, your new motto ("be happy you still have a job") is apt. Real unemployment--factoring in those who need a job and were looking but have given up--is about 16.7% right now. And for recent graduates, unemployment is about 52%. As bad as it had been so far this year, just last month we lost another 570,000 jobs. Staggering. Yet even today the president is saying, "we put Americans back to work. ... I will not rest until every American who wants a job, has one." Sick.