If I don't like the girl or just want to take in the 'scenery' in a club I usually say 'later' or 'I just got here' and/or words to that effect. I'm sure they get told 'later' all the time but I can't think of anything different that is a polite let-down without being rude or un-diplomatic.
As a visitor to your wonderful country (and the fantastic SC's) I never want to be rude to any of the locals. Any ideas for polite let-down? I'm sure they always have an answer for whatever is said though?
If you get one on the verge of being persistent and annoying, one approach that I use is to give them a timeframe to work with. "If I'm still sitting here in x minutes then ... blah blah blah". Have never had any problems with that, even with the pushy ones.
Even better, since dancers tend to be notoriously bad with time they usually don't think to come back before I've either found the one(s) I want or am leaving.
I always say "maybe later" and they usually do come back. The longer I hold out the more "dance foreplay" I get.
Sure, bum, but what if you don't want them to come back?
Have you ever thought of saying "no thanks"?
The question was about being polite. "No thanks" can be polite. I say that, too, but mostly only to "wanna dance". "No thanks" can also be taken as "fuck off" all too easily so I tend not to use it.
No thanks is a perfectly polite answer to a yes or no question, as long as it's said politely. Maybe later strikes me as patronizing and inconsiderate of the stripper's time. A lot of strippers are annoyed by it.
I say no thanks. I used to say maybe later at times but I've gotten away from it because it's not sincere, I have no intention on getting a dance from them later. I try to be pretty direct, I don't want to waste their time and don't want my time wasted while I'm trying to hook up with a girl more to my liking or one of my faves.
It's not that complicated.
I say "maybe later" to girls that I might want to dance with later. Sometimes that girl does in fact get a dance, so let's not project our habits on other people. I'm almost never going to get a dance within the first few minutes I'm in a club, so later is on my short list of responses in that case. Answering "no thanks" to a girl that just spent however long talking in my ear about whatever is on her mind is just not the way I handle things.
Maybe it's not the way you all do it, either, but without the context we're just talking past each other.
I usually say "maybe later" or "no thanks" but for some reason the other day, a dancer sat down, introduced herself and then asked if I would like a private dance.
My response: "I'll pass". As soon as I said it I realized how it probably sounded. So she said "Are you waiting for someone else?", so I said "Nope". It was a bit awkward, but she left.
6 LDs later (with 2 different girls), I'm back out sitting on the floor. The "I'll pass" dancer comes back by. I don't know if she saw me getting LDs with the other two girls (it's in a separate room), but she again asks "Are you waiting for someone?". I said "No" (honest answer, I wasn't) and she said "Well then, do you want a private dance?". So I just said "No thanks" and with that she got pissed. Made some kind of remark (didn't catch it) and stomped off, pushing a chair.
Just then, one of the girls I had some LDs earlier with walks off stage and asks "Waiting for me?" (I wasn't), but replied "Sure!".
I usually say "No thanks" if she is not my type and "Maybe later" if she is a possibility depending on who else is there.
In this case, the "I'll pass" girl looked about 17 years old, all of 90 lbs and flat as a pancake. Too young (looking), no curves and not even a cute face = zero sex appeal for me.
And of course I've had a few that replied with "Why not" after you decline a dance.
The last time that happened to me, I asked her if she really wanted to know (she did) so I explained why she had no sex appeal to me. She thanked me for being honest and left me alone.
I think wallanon inadvertently hit on the proper answer when he said, "The question was about being polite. "No thanks" can be polite. I say that, too, but mostly only to "wanna dance". "No thanks" can also be taken as "fuck off" all too easily so I tend not to use it."
So the proper answer would be, "Fuck off, please"!
maybe later = no thanks
During my first 30 minutes in a club my stock answer is maybe later. I want to see who is there before making any choices but do not want to rule them out. Now if they are a fuglie my stock answer is a polite no thanks. After I have had a chance to check out the action and they do not interest then I just no thanks, I'll pass or I am waiting for some one.
Best approach I have received recently was when a dancer new to me came up to me just after I sat down. Introduced herself and asked my name. Then she said (name)I know that you just got here and want to get your eyes adjusted to the dark and settle in. I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know that if you need any thing to let me know. I thanked her.
The problem I personally have with maybe later is that, as some have already mentioned, it can be received as 'fuck off'. There's a good argument to be made for being direct though and in the cases where maybe later should be a no thanks i'll use that. Still leaves the problem with maybe later meaning just that.
Sometimes when I've said no thanks the girl will come back with maybe later? I've got to admit I don't have the heart to tell them "not gonna happen" at that point so will come back with we'll see or something like that.
When they do come back and ask how about now it can be awkward. Ideally it doesn't become an issue because by that point I should have my "stripper repellant" in place, a fave or a new interesting girl sitting with me and hanging.
anything we say other than Yes is perceived as fuck off. Remember, these are strippers it's all about the money, never about how we tell them we dont want one. Barring you flat out tell them to fuck off or use other profanity, any reasonable expression to convey you aren't interested is good enough. Stop thinking you need to maintain some sort of impression with the dancer, being polite is more than sufficient and rude/prfanity is always unacceptable with anyone (not just dancers).
Think of it this way: You're walking down the street and pass a homeless person who walks up and asks you for some money. What do you say to them. Apply that phrase to this.
If "no thanks" is perceived a "fuck off", then any answer other than yes would be viewed as "fuck off". Let's face it, some of these girls hear no alot more than yes. It shows in their attitude, which results in more negative answers. The smart girls have learned how to approach and how to deal with rejection. And then there is always their mood for the day to deal with.
I say no thanks if I am not interested in the girl. If I am interested, a simple "not right now, but could you come back in xx minutes" works well for me.
Dancers HATE "maybe later" if you're not intending to buy a dance. It's an insincere brush-off and gives the impression that you are triing to lead us on. We don't want to come back and bother you any more than you do. So how do we separate the customers who really want us to return when they are ready and the ones who don't? "No thanks" is honest and direct and we appreciate that-no offense will be taken.
"No Thanks" gets the job done. If there is any backlash, it was going to occur anyway. I take extra care to say "no thanks" nicely, as my tone of voice occasionally is misinterpreted. "Maybe later" offers too many chances for a repeat request on a slow day, but if that's what you wish for then it's not a problem.
Dancers HATE "maybe later" if you're not intending to buy a dance. It's an insincere brush-off and gives the impression that you are triing to lead us on..."No thanks" is honest and direct and we appreciate that-no offense will be taken.
Chanel, thanks for weighing in from a dancer's perspective.
Chanel, I take your point and in my original question I should have worded it differently as maybe later could mean just that. I agree that the best way forward is to say no thanks if you never intend to have a dance witha particular girl.
Having already typed out that maybe later vs no thanks isn't that complicated, I don't think it is for a random walk by. If a girl gets back a lazy answer to a lazy approach then it's even and no big deal. What's a little thornier when I'm trying to see most of the girls before I choose is the dancer that invests time before she asks for a dance.
When I wasn't in clubs often, I was more likely to do a goodwill dance but now not so much. Same with walk by tipping unless it's custom. It gets too expensive, even when spending freely. Blood in the water. Disgruntled dancers aren't a problem in and of themselves. They're a problem when they're pissed enough to spread venom to other dancers.
In one club I used to go to regularly, the hottest dancer with equally hot dances was close cousins with the, er, least hottest. Want to know how many guys would ask me why they couldn't get the time of day with the former after brushing off the latter? Too many. Even dancers that are in open competition for customers on a slow day will talk.
But it's still a strip club and dancers are there to make money. You can get past it. From the buyer side, though, it's about how much time you have to work around bad press and options (waitresses, etc.) to handle the "no" gone bad. This topic has really come up at a time when I could write pages and pages because the Seattle scene is such a clusterfuck for non-locals these days. Potholes everywhere.
I think I'm just going to hammer out some reviews, though, and get back to this thread if it's still going on by then...
Correct negative dancers will think anything other than Yes = Fuck off, these girls only are looking for a Yes they aren't listening to anything else we say. Remember the homeless person on the street, what do you say to him/her to avoid giving them money, same technique here. Always be polite.
No...I'm not buying the homeless person comparison but I get the point. And yes, I'll go with girls are there to work and make money but no I'm not buying that all girls aren't listening to anything we say. Girls pick and choose among customers the same way we pick and choose among them. The goals may not line up but the filtering is still there.
I am good with always be polite whenever possible, though, and that's getting right back to where LG kicked this off. Now I'm signing off...
I think I'll just switch to fuck off. Seems about everyone here agrees any answer other than yes means the same.
I usually say thanks for asking but no thanks.
You just need to put the situation into context. When dealing with other humans, the infinite varieties regarding nature, mood, feeling prevent someone from coming up with a 'universally accepted' statement of denial.
I agree with Gatorfan that strippers are looking for a yes, so anything else gets ALL jumbled together. The question is do you want a dance NOW, not what is the probability that you may want a dance at some point during the course of the evening.
I've mentioned before that it's like that old Far Side comic where on one panel a dog owner is lecturing his dog, going into great detal about how Ginger has been a bad dog. On the other panel, it shows what the dog hears: blah blah blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah GINGER blah blah...
All our word and fine distinctions are heard by strippers as: blah blah blah blah YES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah YES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah YES blah blah blah blah YES blah blah...
Think about this one, how many times has a stripper come back to you asking for a dance forgetting she just asked you for a dance? This is proof of how little strippers remember when they are working a decent crowd. If we tell them to fuck off or go fuck themselves or any other profane derogatory expression, well then they absolutely will remember us.
Think of it from their perspective, if they are walking around asking one customer after another 2 to 3 min conversations, they aren't remembering much. How many strippers forget who you were the next time you show up at the club and remember them? It happens, we're not rude, they aren't rude, it just goes to show how many customers they see a night. So back to question at hand, say whatever the hell you want so long as it is not rude or derogatory and it's fine.
Question- "So would you like a dance?"
Response- "These drinks are expensive" or Response- "Purple elephants eat draino" or Response- "Did you hear about Swine Flu"
any of responses = not yes = stripper moves on to next guy
A simple "no, thank you" with a smile has always worked for me. Sometimes I'll add "but thanks for asking," and they seem to appreciate that. Regardless of how you decline the offer, just be pleasant and you shouldn't have any problems.
There is no debating with absolutes.
Honestly, I'm just thinking we have much different experiences in the clubs. When I can just get left alone and forgotten in the corner I'm having a good day. I see the things you all keep referring to, sure, but see enough above and beyond and completely opposed where I'm not going to nod along because it's expedient.
Bad Answers:
No but can I borrow $5 for a drink? Sorry, you're too fat I would but I'm broke Go ask everyone else and then come back and maybe I'll think about it
I like to fuck around with the strippers too. Say "Maybe, later" when I have absolutely no intention of buying any dances later. Hey, nothing's impossible right? It is possible some crazy zillionaire could walk into the club and offer me a million dollars to get a dance from her, right? Therefore "maybe" is no lie, right?
chandler: "Maybe later strikes me as patronizing and inconsiderate of the stripper's time. A lot of strippers are annoyed by it."
Ah, their just dumb whores who won't treat their customers any better. Who gives a fuck what they think?
"Maybe later" is the universally accepted way of politely turning down a lap dance. There is no other phrased as universally accepted and understood by dancers. You're safe to just say that.