Things a stripper should not say to her customer

Except for number 1 (like I said, happened at Dolls recently), these are things said to me by strippers.

1. I'm kind of in a hurry, my dad is over there (pointing)
2. I'm going through a herpes breakout, do you mind?
3. I just took a laxative, I might have to leave in a hurry
4. I'm actually very religious, but sticking it in will cost you three hundred
5. My boyfriend and some of his friends are going to a party at a hotel after work. If you come, you'll have to take your turn.

Things not said to me but how about
6) Gee, you're old enough to be my dad
7) Is that a button mushroom you have there in your pants?
8) Pardon me but I have severe flatulence presently
9) Does your wife know where you are?

I posted these a while back in a thread titled "Things You'll Never hear a Stripper Say":

1. Ooh, baby, your dick is.....kinda small, actually.
2. Put your money away. No way I'll dance for you. Paunchy, balding middle-aged guys gross me out.
3. College? Not for me. I spend all my money on drugs. Heroin, mostly.
4. You may think I'm smiling like I'm enjoying this, but I'm just thinking about how my boyfriend is gonna fuck my brains out after work.
5. Just for you? Are you kidding? I do this for any guy with a twenty.
6. Sweetie, you smell really bad. Ever hear of soap?
7. Do I like my job? Get real! It's a living hell, but I'm too lazy to do real work.
8. I could say I'll be right back but I won't. You can drop dead now for all I care.

1. Where is it? I can't find it.
2. Do you want another song (halfway through the first song)?
3. You should take me to the VIP...it's a lot more intimate.
4. My boyfriend/husband blah, blah, blah...
5. Let me invite my friend over so we can do a double dance for you...

I quite doing extra's YESTERDAY!!!

1. Thanks for this drink, but one of my regulars just got here...
2. When's the last time you saw a dentist? I can recommend one for you...
3. I have 4 kids, what about you?
4. Please, can I do one more dance, my boyfriend really needs money...

20)My rent/car payment is way past due.
21)My baby's daddy is really late. Can you make me a loan?
22)Could you help me in court with my drunk driving ticket?(Free legal services!)
23)You know people. Can you help me get into college?
24)My husband doesn't have a problem with me dancing.
25)I'm on probation, but I really didn't shoot him.
26)I'm only doing this to pay the I.R.S. I'm a lawyer. (This one is real.)

1. If you turn me down for a dance, it will be your loss.
2. I'm the best dancer in here.
3. You're acting like a bad boy.

1. Do you have a condom? (random dancer bursts in on my VIP to ask)
2. I had to go to court today for assault because I fucked up my man (strip nazi says, "NO OTC FOR YOU!")
3. You trust me, and I trust you, right? (riiiiiggghhhttt...)
4. This is my first lapdance ever (run, run like the wind!)
5. You're lucky I (we) like you. You got a GOOD deal. (sour grapes)

1. That girl is nasty I saw her giving a BJ and fucking some guy yesterday (now I want THAT dancer)
2. Oooh my god I think I just had my period! any get on you?
3. Yes you can cum on my tits just dont splash me in the eye this time!
4. I think I might be pregnant so do you wanna another dance?
5. Need viagra? it's been a half hour and I dont think it's hard
6. You got two hundred dollar bills? I got some one's to get rid of
7. I want to fuck you hard in the champagne room (or finish the sentence: "out of all your money")
8. Give me a dollar for the left titty, dollar for the right titty, dollar for the kitty and dollar case I take a shitty (no 4 dollars and tips are gratuity not a requirement!)

1. I really need to make 500 fast, I don't think they do abortions after 10 weeks here...
2. What's your wife's name again?
3. (Being introdeuced) I've met you before, you were in here last Friday with your wife, you guys are FREAKY, I like it... (said to random business guy that didn't tip you on stage in front of his boss)
4. Why am I a stripper? Oh, I have to support my boyfriend and our 3 kids and we have 12 pitbulls who eat a shit load of food and then we had this little oxi-contin problem and then my boyfriend got on meth, but only like for a sec and now we are a little behind and so I thought I'd come here and make some money... want a dance? (No shit I heard that before...)
5. That will be 500 for you but I'm gonna dance for your hot friend for free... He's super fucking hot... (ok, I might have done this before but I didn't say anything...)

50] dO YOU HAVE GRANDCHILDREN?

1. I don't have a condom but don't worry, I can't get pregnant anymore.
2. I can be your mistress on the side and you can be my sugar daddy.

1. you are crazy
2. that guy is hot
3. i can't sit with you all nite
4. i had sex with him and him and him, but i dont do that anymore
5. sometimes I hate you
6. sometimes you piss me off

Wow, Lane, #43 is brutal!

59)I saw you when you came in. Why did you ignore me?
60)How long have you been here?
61)I've got another customer to fleece.
62)Why didn't you return my calls?

1. So you live with your mom, right? [WTF?]
2. Don't tell anyone, but I just took a bunch of Ex.

Both of these were said to me by the same stripper.