Flash or Trash? How About Someting Between the Two?

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 9pt">I find myself in stripper limbo from time to time. I step into a club and can't help but feeling the floor's going to cave in from rot or a cockroach is going to be chugging a beer next to me. The place smells, and it looks and feels&nbsp;like it just re-opened after being closed for around 20 years - and without so much as a wipe down of the bar or vacuuming of the carpet. Time stood still while the mold crept on. If it was any smaller it would be the waiting room of a small bus station in a small country town. The girls are mediocre at best and their aggressive &quot;here's my bony tits, can i have a dollar?&quot; routine is totally annoying and a HUGE turnoff. My standards lower as the beer fills my belly and finally a halfway decent-looking chick catches my eye and I nod to her to let her know I want a lapdance and it happens and afterward she sits and talks with me for 30 minutes or so, and I get bored and&nbsp;finally leave.<br /> <br /> The following week I find myself in a super high tech, multi-million dollar factory with one porn star after another busting her perfect smokin' bod under strobe lights and laser beams as bass-heavy top hits drown out conversation all around me so that when the girls, who seldom troll for dollars, DO come around, I can at least shrug and point to my ear and act like I can't hear or understand a thing if I'm not interested in her. Mostly the girls are WAY out of reach up on a runway that&nbsp;has a very unsexy&nbsp;bar barrier all around it. When I can finally narrow down my top choice from among the awesome babes that keep rolling out one after the other, the one that does actually smile and acknowledge she'll do a lap dance with me ALSO gives me the &quot;just one minute&quot; signal and I never see her again for the rest of the night since she already has 5 guys she's also given that signal to. I can't help but think back to the tiny club I visited last week where at least some tit was being offered to my face and hands, however lacking in silicone, for just 1 of my measly dollars.<br /> <br /> And I wonder: where is the stripper club that I want to be in? Where's the place that didn't spend $5,000 on a freakin' walnut bar with neon that is only there to be a fence around the runway? Where's the stripper club with a stage that I can sit right next to - with drink and food holders every 3 feet - where the girls are down to earth and&nbsp;smokin'&nbsp;because of&nbsp;the awesome&nbsp;genes their blonde or Brazilian moms gave them? Where are the girls that are horny and having a blast, totally into their bodies and not under some very unsexy house rule that doesn't allow them to get a dollar bill under their g-string strap right on their ass or next to their jai-jai? Where's the club that's not ridiculously huge but also not so tiny&nbsp;you can't help but&nbsp;make eye contact with&nbsp;some&nbsp;GUY since&nbsp;HIS side of the bar is only 2 feet away from you and the dancer in between you (on a stage that you can't get near because of the bar) is a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 and bored and staring at the ceiling anyway?<br /> <br /> The answer: Not in New Jersey.<br /> <br /> Hey New Jersey strip club owners: keep it simple. Decent size place. Put less money into the strobe lights and lasers beams and more money toward cleaning, which should include cleaning the furniture. In fact, why not throw out those sofas once they springs bottom out and the upholstery is ripped and stained? Plop our chairs right down next to the stage, bring on the college girls and immigrants from South America who are all hungry for cash and pay 'em a better base salary so that they don't annoy the hell out of us by picking at our pockets and wallets like vultures all night. Teach 'em how to smile and how to really work hard for their cash - up the pole, flip upside down, show us the jai-jai (and one that doesn't look like it's been riding bareback on a horse all day or has shave burns and pimples), shake that ass and act like a porn star! Sure, feel free to ask us if we want a lap dance but don't take it personally if we say no, because once you say some smartass thing and act all pissy and storm off, we're not gonna be inclined to reconsider and ask you for a dance later when&nbsp;we've had too many drinks and are ready to part with our hard-earned cash. Nothing's a bigger turnoff than a chick who acts like some needy girlfriend we just got into a fight with. Just keep smiling and shaking that ass and move on to the next dude. <br /> Club owners, nervous about the girls getting touched too intimately because all the customers are right next to the stage? Hey, remember, I'm the one who told you to dump the fancy-shmancy walnut bar with its neon lights running under it and the hardcore nightclub spinning lights and smoke machines. I just saved YOU a bundle. Go hire extra security guards and have your deejay announce frequently what the touching limits are and let your security guards handle the freaks.&nbsp; Most of us are here to have a good time and touch a little ass when tipping, so relax...nobody's gonna get hurt in the process.<br /> In the end, you'll help pull us fun-loving horny guys out of limbo - out of the dumps and rat traps, and out of the overly-decorated light shows&nbsp;- and into a club that is simple and straightforward. It's also a club that will make you,&nbsp;the owner,&nbsp;money, hand over fist, I guarantee.</span></p>