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Muddy

USA

Long Island. Some guidos might refer to it as Strong Island. Some Italian hair dressers might refer to it as Lawn Guyland. And those of us who aren't mentally ill probably just say Long Island. Some stuff known for Billy Joel, Mariah Carey, Billy Crystal, Craig Biggio, Rodney Dangerfield, Teddy Roosevelt, Eddie Money, Dr. J, Jerry Seinfeld, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Breuer, the author of this article grew up here, Kevin James, Eddie Murphy, Boomer Esiason, Mick Foley, Tony Danza, 80's Islanders, Pizza, Bagels, Delis, all that good shit. Strip Clubs eh not as much. The island is the ultimate commuter community and I think many commute into the New York City not only to work but to strip clubs as well. But hey your out here, you don't feel like taking the fucking train in, so lets see what we got going on.

I start off by rolling into a local club, homecoming back to where it all started, leather jacket, sunglasses, looking all cool, Hicksville's own Billy Joel playing in the background https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT1ExN7u… oozing sexiness, strut game top notch. Then a stripper threw a bloody tampon in my face and I had to leave immediately to shower. You know what let me just tell about the clubs and we'll all go out together some other time...


Recently departed, probably gone for good but just in case.

Gentleman's Quarters in Baldwin- Went down not too long ago. I thought this spot was actually alright. Right by the train station. Clean spot. Latinas and Black girls mostly had some decent talent. One place I might actually miss.

Le Cafe in Bethpage- Actually the first strip club I ever went to and was promptly kicked out of for not having id. I don't know if it's a covid temporary or not but it looks like this place is down for good. I wasn't in love with the talent and lap dances were overpriced. I have seen some hot bartenders work here. There was one Jamaican stripper that looked like George Foreman and "she" (coulda fooled me) was annoying as fuck.

Crystal Cafe in Farmingdale- Shit, one or two dancers at times. Poor talent. Good riddance.

The Oasis in Smithtown- Another joke. Was some dive bar with a couple of so so dancers

Secret's in Deer Park- Caught giving lap dances during pandemic and got liquor license revoked. Mostly a hip hop sort of vibe club. I thought it sucked anyway so I won't miss it.

That's 5 clubs in the last couple years or so down and by my count 8 left standing. That's a good percentage knocked out. If they quality isn't there then fuck it but no new strip clubs have popped up their place. There's also the Edison Strip spots, I don't consider them strip clubs which I'll get to later but two went down and three are left there.


It's worth noting, none of these strip clubs in Long Island take you into the hood, so it's not an issue. Some places on here you don't even think about crime. That's not to say there aren't 2amers, but for the most part these areas are just fine. And in New York State most clubs go to 4am. Without further ado, what's still out there...


Billy Dean's Showtime Cafe in Bellmore- Other than Mirage technically in Farmingdale right on the Suffolk County border this is really the ONLY strip club left in Nassau county. And it's only open Thursday-Saturday 10pm-4am. That's it. Nassau County is about the same size as the city of San Diego at about 1.4 million people. So if your just going by the local talent this place could draw on, it's got a real monopoly on that at this point in time. The owner is Billy Dean, he's also the bartender here. He can seem like a nice guy but he's done stupid shit like when the lap dance is over he'll peel the curtain and shout in "time's up!" Who the fuck does that? And I've seen him chew out one of his staff in front of everybody for not being quick enough to get a customer off stage, don't show the guy up like that. Anyway not a big spot at all, in a shopping center. Cover is $15, two drink minimum which I ignore, Lap dances are 6 minutes for $30 inside a curtain booth. VIP is $200 for a half hour. To the best of my knowledge I don't believe this is a spot to have fun in there. Talent can be interesting mostly white/black with maybe a latina or two. No more than 10 girls usually. I actually consider one of the more interesting clubs on the island. A lot of people live in this area, I grew up in this part of Nassau County too so I get it and for them, you either got to trek all the west into the city or haul it way out east into Suffolk. Both can be a pain in the ass.

Mirage in Farmingdale-Right by the Republic Airport off 110. Cover is $15. Lap dance $30 on elevated but open couches. Vip $150 for 15 minutes. A bigger club for the island, lineup usually bigger 20+ majority Latina off the boat types. Some fake tits/asses. This demographic of dancer is usually always down for some type of fun some I'm sure that might available in VIP. Hell this is a place I get extras at the bar with girls putting their hands down my pants. Standard lap dances in an open area is sort of pricey though. But bigger lineups make this place worth a look to see if their might be something you like. I give it credit for not being one of these shit hole in wall bars trying to pose as strip clubs that will be further down this list.

Gossip in Melville- Just up the road from Mirage on 110. This is sole upscale club on Long Island. Sort of feels like a night club, very posh. Valet, guys in suits at the front, Cover is $20, Lap Dances are $30 in a common area open long couches LD room. Mileage IME has not been great but it's likely dancer dependent. VIP is $450 for 30 minutes, I heard tales that it can be good down there but I haven't been. The talent here can be seriously good. All types of ethnicities, no fat girls. One girl I met and got dances from here was a stripper model for GTA 5 that's her https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgwQU_xWMAE6… I think this club suffers from the same problem if there's only one hot girl in the club, as this is the only super nice club on the island, it's almost like the club itself has GPS. I've seen strippers make tons of money just on stage it's crazy, so it might be tough to get any deals. Not my favorite club, that VIP is steep but the talent makes it worth checking out in my mind. I might even label this spot a 7up factory.

Carousel Lounge in Huntington Station- Right on Jericho Turnpike. Kind of beat up spot. Dancers dance behind bar, typical tip parade, no cover though. Lap dances are $30 and 15 minutes for $100 in a LD booths in a room with cameras. I wasn't too crazy about the talent over here, more older girls but you know what, it only takes one so who knows but when I've been here I haven't seen too too much I was interested in but they do at least put out a lineup of 8 or 9 girls which some clubs can't even do. Mileage can be decent, two during LD's but if you don't got super talent you gotta give me something anyway. Black, white, Latina. Sometimes do buffets so you might just go for that. Restrooms from the 19th century. Not a great spot IMO.

Blush in Commack- Right on the convergence of Jericho Turnpike and Veterans Memorial Highway. Sort of medium sized spot, not too beat up but not too nice. Stage behind U shaped bar, tip parade. No cover. All ethnicities. Some Russians. Overall I think it can be interesting here talent wise. I hear it gets packed on the weekends. Apparently you get watched by bouncer for a $30 dance uhhh no talk about a boner killer but if you get a room for $120 for 15 minutes that is private but with cameras. So certainly not a extras spot. I've seen some good looking girls work here, and they do play rock music so it's got more of a blue collar vibe at least. Not the worst spot on the island, they just need to be fucking stupid with how they run the club.

The Scene in Commack- Off of the Long Island Expressway. They do have a good amount of girls working here. But they are on their door vulture shit. The times I've been here, the ratios certainly skews more dancers and they can be aggressive, with a lot of eastern euro types which to be honest are not really my thing. Some Latinas in there too though. Definitely younger girls here, more 20 somethings than 30 somethings. $10 cover. Dances are $30, VIP is $150 for 15 minutes. Not too private, bird dog bouncer.

Landing Strip in Ronkonkoma- Used to be called Forbidden Fruit. Located in some corporate office park area. no cover. More of a sports bar kind of feel and the strippers are almost an afterthought. More blue collar types watching the game then partaking in the fun. Talent and age of dancers is all over the place but I've seen a couple interesting girls working here. Dances on the coaches are in a completely open area for $30. That's a bit rich this isn't really a dark spot either, so that's not a deal. VIP room is $120 for 15 minutes and from what I understand you could actually have some fun there. Might be a spot that could be good if you catch something here you like to take in VIP.

Temptations in Bohemia- All the way out in Bohemia in a cooperate office park area as well. Bar with stage inside. Tip parade. Pretty divey, not enough dancers/good talent IMO. Mostly just a shitty bar with strippers. No cover. Dances are $30 for 3 minutes and $70 for 10 minutes in LD rooms in the back. Maybe a great looking dancer works here on some nights but I haven't seen anything yet that's make me want to splurge for $30 dances. Pretty aggressive tip parade, girls go around twice. Forgettable spot.



The Edison Strip in West Babylon. I don't even know if I should include them, they just aren't strip clubs but they are listed on here and it seems to intrigue the out of towners. These are sex shop/peep show/porno theaters/straight up brothels. It's not my thing personally at all. These spots on side streets off Edison Avenue which is a completely industrial area. There used to be 5 now it's down to 3 post pandemic. Cherri Bombs and X Dreams II are permanently closed. Show World (they have a tranny section as well just so your aware), Tunnel of Love and World II Adult Entertainment are still going. You can certainly get some there if that's what your going for but me personally I just don't feel like being the 15th guy that rides the ferris wheel and ferris wheel that may not look so good. I'm not at this stage of my mongering career yet (which I'm guessing will be the final, most desperate stage) In all seriousness I'm sure the more TUSCL crowd would be into it but I'm just not best source to get the info from because it's not something I'm gonna be diving in head first into.


Food Recs: In general I'm not vouching for all of them, some do suck but in general pizza places and delis the standard is very high. Daytime, Deli Dominicks in New Hyde Park is good but wherever your close too is probably a good spot. Pizza I'm not usually up on the North Shore that much but Salvatore's in Port Washington (Full pie only) might be the best pizza I've had, and I've tried a lot. Not a ton of late night options but if after clubbing 24/7 spots are Cherry Valley Deli in West Hempstead 24/7 great sandwiches, Green Deli in Lynbrook people get "The Bindi" there and for bagels A&S bagels so you can go at any time. All that stuff is in Nassau County, don't know Suffolk County too too well but Se-Port Deli in Setauket is really good but it's way out there, no strip clubs around it.


Long Island has over 3 million people in it, around the same size as Iowa, Utah or Nevada and it's a suburb with it's own hockey team. I would expect a better showing of strip clubs. I think the talent is there, I think the expendable funds are there from the residents. But in my opinion there is just no great strip club on the island. It's not like NYC is some Mecca as an alternative but Long Island really needs to step it's game up. Although I think many of the bottom of the barrel clubs went under which is a start, it would be nice to see some new strip clubs pop up who do more things right. There is most certainly room for it and I think it would be welcomed with open arms and a lot of people's money who are desperate for a savior. Anyway in the meantime I'll be out here at the strip clubs till the breakadawn courtesy of Amityville's own De La Soul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erSyYTA5…

Adjudicators

Dan3635

Wow! Encyclopedic article! This is an interesting overview by a dedicated PL.

grand1511

DOLLAR_BILL

DickyDoo2

loper