Strip Club Delight
jameswhite01
Nonetheless, we headed up there, and my other idiot friend had walking directions from the hotel we were going to stay at to one of the classiest strip clubs in Niagara Falls, Ontario. Or so we thought. The dumb ass had directions for something in Toronto and he didn't realize it, so we walked into the Chinatown boonies of Niagara Falls and was nearly jumped/raped. So be it.
We finally, after asking a cop for a nice strip club to go to, end up in the fucking hood (yeah, he fucked us over) at this "gentlemen's club." It was the nastiest place I've ever seen.
The place smelled like semen and cigarettes, and it was just fucking raunchy. We get in (there's about 15 of us) and, in Canada, it's fully nude. We start to get drunk and everyone starts putting up dollars on the stage. Usually, this would result in the girls pulling you up there and they giving you a momentary lap dance. Well, as the night went on, it got nasty.
My one buddy had the balls to go up first, and puts down a dollar. This girl rips his belt off (to the point of breaking that and the slots on his pants for the belt) and she whips out his cock and starts beating him off in front of us to some Black Eyed Peas song. He's giggling like a little bitch because he's getting his meat slapped in front of us, and we're fucking laughing our asses off. He blew his load very quickly, and that was that. She licked it up like it was fucking cake batter.
My buddy thought he was a baller and he put a toonie (a two dollar coin) on stage, and this girl throws him down on the stage, and whistles. Out comes this fat bitch and, they too, begin to stroke his salami like there's no tomorrow. He's having the time of his life as this blonde bimbo with a lazy eye and this fat bitch with tits the size of the blonde's stomach are having their way like he's a fucking Burger King whopper.
Anyways, during this time, my douchebag friend (birthday boy) realizes that he wants to go in the back with the first chick that walks up. This 55-year old PREGNANT black woman walks up (looked like a drugged out pregnant tina turner) and he pulls out $200.00 and goes in back. That's right. He fucked a pregnant woman older than his mother. So be it.
After everyone continues to get up, I'm last to get on stage. Now, mind you, we were getting beers and jagerbombs and crown and cokes up the ass with this BEAUTIFUL waitress who made the strippers look like dog shit(who happened to be a lesbian, as we saw outside later, and i'll get to that) and i finally throw 5 dollars down on stage. I'm obliterated and dont even know what my name is at this point, but this stripper who i thought was fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer than fine lays me down and she starts to lick my face and stick her tongue in my mouth. nice. she then rubs her tits in my face, nipples stroking my lips, and she starts to rub my cock. nice. she then takes off her panties and has her vagina about 2 cm from my face. she starts to rub her clit on my nose to get off (WHAT?!) and she's fingering herself. she was pretty dry, so she'd lick her fingers and finger herself and she looked like she was getting wet. i don't remember. then, the kicker happens. she pissed on my eye.
that's right. she pissed on my eye. it wasn't cum. it was piss. she squirted. on my face.
my friends are in hysterics, and i was grossed out, but laughing, because i couldn't respond due to my alcoholism. I finally get up, and it's the end of the night, that was the last song. We get our $1,500 alcohol tab (HOLY MOTHER OF GOD) and we're off. Bank accounts drained, we go outside.
Pimps are outside picking up their ladies so they can go street shopping, and the waitress is outside and is making out with her lady pimp (what in the fuck) and my friends explain to me that i might get an std and need to find a pharmacy immediately. mind you, it's like 3 AM, and nothing is open. We head to this 7-11 looking place across the street and we run in and explained what happened to the guy. He suggested stye cream and neosporin and an eye patch. I listen to him, buy some cigarettes, and we leave. We prep my eye and walk out.
The Tina Turner looking bitch comes over and says goonight to my friend and slaps his shit, and looks at me and asked what happened. He explained what happened to her and she laughed. We originally thought it was a little cum, but the bitch goes "Oh, Candie can't cum. She's a he."
That's right. It was a fucking dude. A dude, surgically altered to look like the finest bitch I've seen at that point in my life, was a fucking man. Some guy pissed on my face while rubbing his surgically-created clit on my fucking nose.
We ended up walking back to Clifton Hill ( a resort area in Niagara Falls area), went to Denny's, spent $25.00 canadian on Grand Slam's, went back to the hotel, and never spoke of it again.
When I woke up, my eye wouldn't open. A few days later I was tested thereafter and am clean. But holy shit. Never will I experience something so fucked up again.
TL;DR: A stripper squirted on my eye, who happened to be a dude, but you couldn't tell. Vive la Canada.
Adjudicators
minnow
dear penthouse...
Longball300
Well, it was an effort anyway.
jacej
Not an Article. Should be posted on Discussion Board
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