On Aging

I wanna say Ironman had an article a few years ago about taking supplements. Just if your feeling less in energy go all Barry Bonds on this shit. I don’t know if your too old either, Larry King has like a 10 year old. And Rod Stewart has a 50 year (not a typo) age gap between his kids.

===> "I knew then that she was meant to be a mother and no fantasy on my part could replace the fact that at 59 years of age, I was too old."

BD, I am often accused of being intentionally harsh, but I sincerely ask this question without that intention: How did this not dawn on you long before it came to that point? In order for her to "convince" you that it would all work out you must have been deluding yourself by ignoring the obvious. You have 30 years of life experience over her, which should have given you a perspective that she simply doesn't have yet. You've seen men die decades before their already aging wives; women who never had babies but wished that they did; children left fatherless at far too young an age; etc., etc. You should have understood these realities in ways that she simply cannot given her more limited worldview.

All of this makes me wonder if you were chasing something that you yourself feel like you missed out on. If so then I'm truly sorry and give you credit for at least subsuming that desire for her sake. But honestly dude you probably knew this was an insurmountable issue all along but ignored it until it was finally "shit or get off the pot" time.

I say all of this as someone who was heading towards his mid 30s wondering if I would have any kids. Now sitting at 50, I have 3 beautiful young children and I already feel old. But one of the benefits of having them is that their mere existence and continued growth reminds me that I've had my time and chances at spring time romance with a young partner. Now it is their turn, or at least it will be in a handful of years. If I had never had them would I have been tempted to try one more shot at it in my advancing years? I hope not, but one never knows.

@rickdugan

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I realize that I did not go into any great amount of detail but you presume too much.

I never did the pursuing. When we first met we had a spirited verbal argument and not the friendly kind. Her work colleague later told me she was interested in me. My reaction was “What the fuck are you talking about? I’m too old for her.” I can’t begin to count how many times in the following year that I told her and anyone else who would listen the same thing.

You see, I don’t subscribe to the Age Gap Relationship bullshit. IMO at best it is ridiculous (there’s no fool like an old fool) and at worst it is vile (a predatory dirty old man exploiting a vulnerable young girl). So in truth I never considered any of the issues one should think about before committing to a serious relationship because a romantic long term relationship was never under consideration on my part.

Her persistence and ability to counter any arguments to the contrary in both the spoken and written word for the better part of a year convinced me that she was sincere in her feelings and desires. It wasn’t until a third party, a lady older than I who had known us both for a couple of years took me aside and opened my eyes. This lady told me two things that did the convincing. First, she told me that the only person that didn’t know that we were in love was me. I couldn’t deny my strong feelings. Secondly this lady told me that at this point in my life that there was no reason not to put my own happiness first.

At that point, for the first time, I started thinking about doing just that. I admit to only considering the beginning and the end. A few years of a honeymoon phase traveling and enjoying ourselves followed by my inevitable death at which time she would be a young widow with more money than she could ever spend. I did not really consider the middle part of life for her because that’s all behind me. I haven’t thought about children for decades and it wasn’t until I saw her with her nephew that it even occurred to me.

IMO motherhood is a sacred thing and I could never have denied that opportunity to her. That left putting an end to any thoughts about going forward unless I was willing to give her a child. I can’t tell you how strongly I feel about not knowingly leaving a child to grow up without a father. I could never intentionally do that to a child and that was what would have happened so ending it was in fact the only option.

My comment about how I would enjoy raising a son was more of a whimsical thought than any kind of regret. I mean right now I have no worries about money or need to go to work. I could devote myself to raising and teaching a son things like how to hunt and fish, how to drink and fight, how to make a girl’s panties wet be she a lady or a whore. You know all the important things in life. lol

I’ve often wished that I had been born in earlier times when real adventures were plentiful. I’ve never before wished to have been born later but in this case it is at least a passing thought of what might have been. Anyways, when I look at the picture of the smiling mother with her child I know I did the correct thing in setting my own selfishness aside.

@desertscum, you're right. That itching is probably vaginitis. See you gynecologist as soon as possible.