I am not the type of guy that sits at home on a Saturday night and decides to go to a strip club out of lack of other things to do. Virtually all of my strip club visits come after visits to other locations, whether that is work, visiting a friend or client, running errands, or on the way home from a restaurant or bar. Thus, I carry a strip club car kit. I will outline below the items in my kit:
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Dude Shower. These are disposable body wipes, similar to baby wipes, only thicker. They are designed for men to wash up when there is no shower available. I prefer the individually packaged wipes versus the dispenser packs. Dude Shower wipes are great for freshening up after running errands on a hot summer day or working a twelve hour shift. There are also Dude Face Wipes on the market, which are much smaller and geared toward refreshing your face.
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Cologne or Body Spray. After a quick wash up, I like to apply a little cologne. Dancers appreciate a pleasant smelling customer over one with body odor. As for whether you should top off with an expensive cologne or a cheap body spray like Axe or Bod, I do not think it makes much difference to dancers. The key is to smell good so they will approach you and enjoy dancing on you.
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Listerine or Eclipse. I will carry a travel size bottle of Listerine or a packet of Eclipse gum to freshen up my breath before going to the strip club, especially after a meal. Dancers are more likely to give more intimate service or even make out if you have fresh breath versus bad breath. The mouthwash can also be useful after departing the strip club if you were French kissing dancers or muff diving.
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Phone Charger. In a previous article I discussed the value of taking a smartphone into a strip club. Since I have been out and about, the battery is likely partially or fully drained. I recharge my phone while en route to the strip club, so I have the option of using it if the need arises.
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Spare Clothes. Some strip clubs have strict dress codes, so I tend to have a change of clothes in my vehicle. Most often I am denied entry due to wearing a muscle shirt, so I will carry a button up shirt that I can switch to or put over the sleeveless shirt. If you are a guy that wears shorts, having a pair of pants in your vehicle may be useful. If you are coming home to a significant other that does not know about your strip clubbing habit, a full change of clothes may be useful after you depart the strip club. Going home smelling like dancers could land you in hot water.
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Condoms. Most strip clubs where you are actually going to need a condom tend to provide them, but I personally like to carry a three- or six-pack in my vehicle just in case a situation arises where I may need a rubber. Sometimes, there are strip clubs where extras are not permitted, but you still end up banging anyway. Whether you end up leaving a strip club with a dancer or a regular nightclub with a horny slut, you won’t have to make a mood-killing detour to a convenience store.
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Disposable Breathalyzer: In all honesty, I have only used a breathalyzer twice, but it is a useful tool if you are a heavy drinker. Disposable breathalyzers are cheap, only $3 to $6 each, and can easily be discarded after use. These are usually available at gas stations, truck stops, and online retailers like Amazon. I know all too many people who have had their lives ruined by DUI’s, so it is better to be cautious if you end up overindulging.
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Miniature Bottles. It is well known I hate getting gouged on marked-up alcoholic beverages inside strip clubs, so I always carry a selection of nips in my console. If a club has outrageous prices on mixed drinks, I bring a few inside the club in my jacket or pocket. If I need to reload, I just make a run out to my vehicle and grab more. The long winters where I live have the beneficial effect of keeping the alcohol chilled.
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Free Admission Passes. I keep a stack of free admission passes in my console for the strip clubs I tend to make return visits to. It is better for them to be on hand for spur of the moment titty bar visits, rather than keeping them at my residence. Since many clubs are now offering free admission via showing a text message or an email, free admission passes on business cards are not as common as they used to be.
Your strip club car kit should be customized to your individual needs. If you frequent clubs in crime-ridden areas, carrying a firearm might give you peace of mind. Just make sure your burner is carried in car safe. If you frequent “bring your own booze” strip clubs, having a cooler and a bottle opener in your trunk may be worthwhile. The bottom line is: be prepared for spontaneous visits to the gentlemen’s club by provisioning your vehicle with any items you may need before or after a stopover to the strip club.
