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When I first started to write this piece, I intended it to be a guide as to how to get the most out of visiting a new or strange club for the first time when traveling. Then I realized it would probably have broader appeal to people visiting any club for the first time. So here goes. I hope it is a useful piece.

When traveling one gets an opportunity to check out new clubs. Or, a new club may open in your town, or there may be a club in your town that you haven’t been to. Or, you may not have been to a club before. How does one get the most out of visiting a club for the first time? One can just go and see what develops, but being prepared can help one make the most of opportunities available. None of these things I am discussing are novel or earth shattering, but all put together, I hope they will be useful to some.

First off, use TUSCL. You can find clubs in the town you are going to be visiting and sort them by your criteria: overall rating, value, dancer quality, or club atmosphere. Read the reviews to get a feel for the club and to find one or more that is compatible for the strip club experience you are seeking. Note the date of the review as things can change fast in the strip club industry. Find out when they are open and see if that fits with your schedule. Once you have identified a club, or clubs, you want to visit, go to the club’s website. Most of these websites greatly exaggerate the club experience they offer, particularly in terms of the looks of the dancers, so ignore most of what is there and look for a coupon for free or discounted admission. Most clubs offer those coupons on the web and you can use the money saved for dancer tips, another drink, or dances. While you are on the web, jot down the phone number so you can call if you have questions as to directions or hours of operation. Also, many clubs advertise in those free throw away newspapers that are mostly ads and some have coupons in their ad, so check those out as well.

Lots of clubs are tucked away in out of the way places like industrial parks, county backroads, or the second (rear) building on a lot. Most clubs listed on TUSCL have maps along with the reviews and that will help you figure out how to get there. Google maps offer street views that are useful in finding where you are going, but they often blur out strip club signs as part of their desire to keep their offerings non offensive. Go figure. Determine the directions to the club before you leave. If you have a GPS or use Waze, that reduces the chances of getting lost a lot, but they are not infallible. You don’t want to spend time searching for a club when you could be in the club enjoying yourself.

Money drives almost all of what goes on at a strip club. You will be much better off once you realize this. So, make sure that you have enough cash before you get to the club. ATMs at clubs are notorious for charging exorbitant fees to withdraw your own money and although many of them charge under a different name than the establishment, it is still easier to explain an ATM withdrawal from a bank or credit union than from the rawhide lounge or some such. Don’t use a credit card as the opportunities for the club to overcharge it are abundant and you may be reluctant to dispute the charges. If you bring cash, avoid large bills, like 50s or 100s. In a dark club, it is easy to make a mistake in paying and you are better off losing a 20 when you intended to spend a five than a 50 or 100. If you do have these larger bills, spend them right away so you can get change in smaller bills. Be sure you have 5 or 10 ones when you walk in; nothing is worse than wanting to tip a dancer on stage and having to wait for change from the waitress or bar maid and by that time she is gone. I keep my singles separated from my bigger bills so I don’t accidentally tip a $20 when I go for a one. This mistake is easy to do, so avoid it by putting your ones in one pocket and your higher bills in a second pocket in some kind of rational order so you don’t get them mixed up. Before you go, determine how much you want to spend and don’t go over that amount. Leave when it is gone. That little head can do a job on your bank account. There will always be another time to visit and having experienced what is available you can wisely spend money on dancers.

The second thing you should realize is that there are exceptions to everything that goes on in a strip club and everything that someone says about what goes on in a strip club. You won’t necessarily get the same experience someone else got, or even the same experience the next time you go, or even from the same dancer. So don’t write off a club on the basis of one visit, but don’t think it is the greatest thing since Disneyland based on one visit either.

The TUSCL reviews should prepare you at least a bit for what to expect when you get to the club, but as I said earlier, things change in the strip club business, often very fast. Be prepared for wanding or a pat down and scanning of your ID on entrance as that is becoming more common. Most clubs that scan IDs get rid of the scans if you don’t cause trouble or run up a big bill on your credit card. That won’t happen because you aren’t using a credit card. Use your coupon that you clicked from the web site for cover. There is usually a tip jar by whoever is taking the cover and I usually throw in a dollar, even if I got free cover with the coupon. Some don’t tip the door hostess, and I understand that, but I think it reasonable, and if you get a reputation for being a cheapskate at the beginning all bets are off inside the club. The help at a strip club talk and as money is what makes a strip club operate, you don’t want to get a reputation as a cheap skate. So tip when you can. You don’t need to be overly generous, but you shouldn’t be cheap with the tips either.

Many clubs have drink minimums. Some clubs will charge you the drink minimum when you pay the cover and bring you the drinks when you enter. Others include the drink minimum in the cover. Others say that they have a 2 drink or whatever minimum but really don’t have any way of tracking it. If you are tipping well and getting dances, they usually ignore the drink minimum. If you can, I suggest you ignore it too. If you are tipping dancers and perhaps buying a few dances there is no reason why you should also be subject to a drink minimum. Most waitstaff recognize this and won’t push for the drink minimum.

When you enter the club you may well be escorted to a table or seat by the bouncer or other employee. If you don’t like the seat they give you, feel free to get up and sit somewhere else. Usually clubs aren’t too picky about who sits where, but there are exceptions. The bouncer may be trying to fill in empty spots in the club, or getting customers to sit in a particular waitress’s territory, but those are not really concerns of yours. In some clubs there are some spots, like against the walls or in dark corners where if you sit there, they expect you to get dances. Some clubs informally reserve tables for big spenders. If you are asked to move, move, otherwise don’t put too much stock in sitting where they escort you. I like to sit where I can see the whole club, including the entrance to the VIP area so I can see what is happening.

Order a drink and get settled in. Tip your waitress. Clubs are usually dark, so let your eyes get adjusted to the dark, particularly before choosing a dancer for a dance. Observe how the dancers get tipped, whether at the stage or after the dance on a tip walk, and if you can touch the dancer when you give the tip or if you have to leave it for the dancer to pick up. These customs vary from club to club and are not hard to pick up on. Some local ordinances forbid touching the dancer when tipping and others forbid tipping at the stage, hence the tip walk. I try to tip all of the dancers at least once. You don’t have to, but it helps your reputation as a good customer. And that will help improve your strip club experience. The tip walk is an odd thing; I first came across it in San Diego, one of the places that forbid tipping at the stage. After the dancers dance on stage, they visit each table in turn asking for a tip. While this kind of removes the voluntary aspect of tipping, in some cases the dancers have no other choice. As I usually tip every dancer anyway, it doesn’t bother me too much. If you didn’t see the dancer perform, you don’t have to tip, just tell the dancer you didn’t see her. Some will complain, how you deal with that is up to you, but it really isn’t worth a dollar to make a scene.

Observe the dancers giving dances on the floor. Note who gives air dances and who gets up close and personal. You want the up close and personal dancer of course to dance for you. Notice which dancer goes to the VIP often and how long they stay there. You will usually, but not always get a good dance from the dancer who is busy and does a lot of dances at a time. View what a dancer does after she leaves the VIP room. If they head for the bathroom to clean up, that is a good clue as to what went on in the VIP room. In a club I visit there is a dancer who gives very good VIP dances, I know because I have partaken in them. I can always tell if she has given a really great dance in the VIP room by whether or not she heads straight for the Purell dispenser after leaving the VIP room.

You will be approached by dancers for dances. By now your observations of who gets up close and personal and who doesn’t should have paid off. Dancers will sometimes ask you if you have been at the club before. It doesn’t really matter how you answer this question, but I would suggest that you not bring up TUSCL. TUSCL members have a bad reputation from some dancers. Others who know TUSCL will ask what the review says of them or other dancers. You want to avoid those discussions. Some may feel that if you say no, you will be marked as an easy mark or not get as good an experience as those who visit more often. If you say no, expect the dancer to ask how you heard about the club. I would suggest that you tell them that you heard from a friend, in the yellow pages, the concierge at the hotel, or in a throw away paper. Some may feel that if you say yes, then the dancers will know that you know what to expect and then they will deliver accordingly. That may be true, but this answer can lead to further awkward discussion: How often do you come here?, Who have you gotten dances from?, I haven’t seen you here before, and other lines of discussion that you don’t really want to pursue. In the end, it doesn’t really matter, so play it by ear. One of the advantages of saying no is that you can ask questions as to how things work at the club and if the dancer is particularly friendly you may get more information that you would think. If you don’t want a dance from the dancer that sat down with you, tell her no when she asks. Be polite, but don’t be pressured into getting dances from a dancer you don’t want dances from.

You may be asked to buy a drink for the dancer. You are under no obligation to do so, but usually the dancer will leave if you don’t. In some clubs the dancers are expected to sell a certain number of drinks and you can take that into consideration. Some clubs will water down the drinks or serve the dancer something nonalcoholic and overcharge you. In some clubs, the clubs on the Block in Baltimore are a good example of this, buying the dancer a drink is code for having the dancer play with you. Those drinks are small and expensive, but you get more in play than the dancer gets in alcohol.

Get a lap dance on the floor from a dancer if you get good vibes from her. If you like it, repeat or move on to the VIP room. If not, pay the dancer and move on. The dancer will often suggest the VIP room. I always get a dance on the floor first and if that is promising, then agree to go to the VIP room. If the dancer suggests a visit to the VIP room, ask her how the dance there differs from the one on the floor. You will get a variety of answers ranging from vague to explicit, but don’t put too much stock in any of them. I have gotten great VIP dances from those who gave vague answers and poor dances from those who explicitly promised the moon. You really need to find out in person. Still it doesn’t hurt to be specific on what you expect in the VIP room if the club allows what you want. Sometimes the VIP sales job includes touching or nasty talk about of what she wants to do to you and other forms of mild, and not so mild, seduction or touching. These are a better indication of what you will get in the VIP room, but are no guarantee of what will go on, although in some clubs if you don’t get this kind of encouragement it really points to a bad dance coming up.

During the first lap dance, either on the floor or in the VIP room, you are trying to establish how much fun you can have. Experiment with light touching but don’t go overboard or be too aggressive. If she doesn’t like it, or won’t permit touching, she will tell you and you will probably want to move on to another dancer. If she doesn’t protest, you can try more touching and in more opportune spots. She may tell you that you need to visit the VIP room for more touching and that may or may not be the case, but it is probably worth at least one dance in the VIP room if she appeals to you and has given you a good lap dance on the floor. If it doesn’t get better in the VIP room, cut your losses and move on to another dancer.

Some clubs will require you to pay for a VIP dance before you get it. Sometimes that is a club rule and sometimes it is a state or local regulation. The purpose of that is to prevent the dancers from setting their own prices, underreporting dances to reduce the house take on the dances or receiving tips, particularly for extras. The advice here is not to prepay for more than one dance if you don’t know the dancer. Then if you like it, pay for more. If you don’t, you have only lost the cost of a dance. Some clubs charge a VIP admission fee, usually $10 or $20. This is usually good for the whole night. Sometimes they give you a wrist band to track you, other times, they just go by memory.

The mileage you get from a dancer in a lap dance will vary a lot from dancer to dancer, club to club, state to state, city to city, time of day, and who is working, not only the dancers, but also the bouncers, wait staff, bar tenders and floor managers. If you get a lot of touching, that is a good sign, but it is no guarantee that all dancers will touch that much or that it will be that way every time from every dance. In general, the more the dancer touches you, the more you can touch her, but some clubs strictly limit touching of the dancers by the customers while allowing the dancers lots of freedom in touching. Whatever you do, don’t tell the dancer who limits your contact that you get higher mileage from other dancers. That may get the dancer who allows a lot of touching in trouble, either with management or with other dancers. If that gets back to the permissive dancer, then you have killed the goose that lays the golden egg.

Some dancers and clubs will expect you to tip the dancer if you have had a good lap dance experience. Do it if you feel you want to, as often you can’t get a great experience without tipping. Sometimes the dancer will ask after the dance. Sometimes they will tell you what they expect for a tip before the dance. I usually tip the price of a dance if I had had more than 3 or 4 great dances, but often I don’t tip if the dancer doesn’t ask. If a dancer asks for a tip and you don’t tip, you likely won’t get great dances from that dancer again.

Don’t expect the same treatment as regulars get. Dancers will generally push the limits with regular customers, or customers that they have seen in the club before. They know that these are safe customers, not law enforcement, pathetic losers, or creeps. They feel more comfortable with a familiar face or familiar whatever.

Treat the dancers with respect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t push the limits. Just stop when they ask you to. Remember that they are working for tips and their cut of the dance money. I think you should tip every dancer at least once, and if a particular dancer doesn’t appeal to you politely decline a dance and don’t insult the dancer.

Don’t expect extras the first time you visit a club, unless you are in a city and/or club that is noted for them. You can ask for them or suggest them, but don’t be disappointed if the dancer says no. On the other hand, there are some clubs and some cities in which it is hard not to get extras. Reading the reviews and discussions here at TUSCL will tell which clubs that have extras are where.

You also shouldn’t expect to get a dancer to see you outside the club (OTC) on the first visit either. There are exceptions though, usually at certain clubs in certain cities. So, it doesn’t hurt to ask, if you are polite about it and don’t push, the worst that will happen is you will be told no. Sometimes, although rarely, a dancer who says no will send over a dancer that is more agreeable, but don’t expect that either. If you want to see a dancer OTC, just ask, there is no sense in confusing the issue. There are no secret code words or phrases for OTC. Ask her if you can do more than is allowed in the club, ask if she does private dances outside the club, ask if she would like to have dinner with you, or drinks after the club closes, or whatever. Again, if youi are polite about it, the worse that will happen is that she will say no.

If are visiting a strange club in a strange city, have a plan B if the club is not to your liking. Go somewhere else, but to do that you should really line up alternate clubs first. Use TUSCL and the web to identify more than one club you want to visit. Get the coupons from the web, download the addresses and know where you are going. There is no guarantee that the new club will be any better, but at least you tried. At most you will be out the cover charge and an initial drink at the first club.

Finally, write a review for TUSCL on your club visit. Be specific about the club details and whether or not you enjoyed it. That way, others can benefit from your experience as you have benefited from other TUSCLer’s reviewers. If you got extras or OTC, be discreet about mentioning it in the review and don’t name names when talking about explicit acts. That could get the dancer in trouble, or the club in trouble with the law.

Enjoy your visit and don’t forget to tell us about it. Your first visit to a strip club