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Harderlap

New Mexico

If you are visiting Albuquerque for the Balloon Fiesta you can have fun in several strip clubs. While Albuquerque is not a destination strip club city, I think the clubs are above average for the US and well worth visiting.

If you are going to the balloon fiesta, you will be getting up early in the morning as most of the action is early in the morning. You don’t want to miss the dawn patrol, which means getting up well before sunrise. Driving to the balloon fiesta is possible, and there are plenty of parking spots, but getting there can be crowded and sometimes a bit convoluted. I suggest taking one of the buses which are quick and relatively painless. You can buy the bus ticket on line and print it out so it is really easy. The buses leave from several locations in Albuquerque, usually shopping centers with large parking lots. There are also evening events, like the balloon glow, so that pretty much leaves only the day to go clubbing.

Albuquerque is not an extras city, but you can find them with the right dancer under the right conditions. Just don’t go expecting them. If you are driving to Albuquerque and want to partake in extras check out The Red Parrot and Cabaret in El Paso if you are driving from the east, and The Blue Moon in Phoenix if you are driving from the west.

The strip clubs in Albuquerque get a modest bump in attendance during the balloon fiesta, so there are some dancers that visit from Phoenix and Las Vegas for the fiesta. Still the clubs will not be too crowded in the day.

Here are my favorite clubs:

TD’s North - There are two TD’s clubs in Albuquerque and I prefer North. It is bigger and better laid out. The dancers here are a bit more high end than at the other clubs in town and you will find more of the southern California type blonde with fabricated tits here if you are into that. However, there is usually a good variety of dancers here, always a few African Americans, lots of Hispanics, and a few Asians. Drinks are modestly expensive, $5.75 for a bottle of beer. Service is good and the lunches are cheap and adequate, but not high cuisine. There is usually no cover during the day and if you go in the evening when there is a cover, you can print out a coupon from the internet for free admission. Tipping is at the rail, a dollar is customary and you might get a little touch or not, depending on the dancer. Dances on the floor are $10. If you want one, try to find a table on the wall. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that give more privacy than other locations. In the VIP room dances are $25 per song. There are two VIP rooms, one with couches and one with booths. I prefer the one with booths, it is a bit more private. Due to local ordinances, there are no doors on the VIP rooms, but there is OK Privacy none the less. The bouncer will visit the VIP room once during a song to check who is giving dances, but that is it. They are not intrusive. So, the VIP dances are usually high mileage. If you don’t get high mileage during the first dance, stop and find another dancer. I like Diane, Hyrasin, and Mystique for VIP room dances. They tend to put in extra effort. If Elena comes over from Phoenix, she also gives good VIP dances. If you can only visit one club in Albuquerque, I recommend TD’s North.

TD’s Eubank (also known as TD’s Gold) - I think the TD’s Eubank location is a notch below TD’s North, so I don’t get there very often. I find the club layout not too conducive to good floor dances, there aren’t many nooks and crannies to offer privacy. Tipping is at the stage and you may get a bit extra, but don’t expect it. There are two VIP areas, one behind the bar with booths and one upstairs. I haven’t been to the one upstairs, but the one behind the bar offers some privacy and I have gotten good dances there, but not on a par with TD’s North in my experience. That may be because I don’t go that often. The VIP dances are $25. I don’t get here often enough to have any favorites here, so I can’t make any recommendations. Tipping is at the stage. There is no cover during the day, and if you go at night you can print out a coupon from the internet. There are a variety of dancers here too, but I think their looks are a notch down from the North club. Still you can have a lot of fun here and I recommend the club if you are staying in that part of town. They also offer lunch, and I think the food is just adequate, but it is inexpensive. Drinks are on the high side.

Knockouts - Knockouts is located downtown, so if you are staying downtown it is worth visiting. The dancers here are a substantial step down from the two clubs above and are usually on their way out of the business, or can’t get hired at the TD’s clubs. The up side is that the floor dances are only $5 and VIP dances $10. I have had some good times here, but not in the last year or so, so I can’t make any recommendations on dancers. At the price of dances though, you may find one to your liking without investing a lot. Drinks are cheap and tipping is at the stage, which doesn’t get you much of anything special. There is no cover during the day and there is no food here. There is a small cover in the evening, but there are no coupons available on their web site. Knockouts opens at 2:00PM, but often there aren’t dancers there until later and things are pretty sparse until 4:00 or so. Dancers here are mostly Hispanic and African American. Some times you will find a real gem here, but they are usually just biding their time until they can get hired by one of the other clubs. You won’t spend a lot of money here.

Fantasy World - Fantasy World is the only nude club in Albuquerque. There is no alcohol served. You have to go through an adult book store to get to the club. It doesn’t open until 600PM, so it is an evening/late night club. The dancers are usually younger than 21 because they can’t work in one of the clubs that serves alcohol. In my experience most of the dancers seem reallyy detached so it is really a rather sterile experience. The VIP area is a row of booths and a bouncer checks several times during a song, so in my experience the VIP sessions are not worth it. In fact, I think the whole club is not worth it and all of the topless clubs offer a better experience in my opinion. Still, if you want nude it is the only option.

You may be tempted to go to Cheeks in Santa Fe, but that is a pretty bland experience in my opinion. Club 203 is east of Albuquerque near Moriarty, but it too is not worth the trip. Stay in Albuquerque.

There is a Peep Show on Rio Bravo, and if that is your thing, you may like it, but it is a pretty dingy place and with a sheet of glass between you and the dancer; not too intimate experience in my opinion.

I don’t do OTC, but have been offered it occasionally over the years. I suspect that if you ask, it is likely available from the right dancer under the right circumstances, but I wouldn’t expect it as a matter of course. Still, it does’t hurt to ask.

You can find more information on Albuquerque Strip Clubs in the reviews on TUSCL, which are fairly accurate in my opinion. You will have a good time in the Albuquerque Strip Clubs, just don’t expect an Atlanta/Detroit/Tampa/El Paso experience and you won’t be disappointed.