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Strip Club Nation

If you frequent a particular club, even just monthly, you will want to "grease" the non-dancer staff to get a return on your investment. In the same way you would lubricate a bearing to ease friction and avoid breakdown, you will want to employ gratuity, courtesy, chit chat, and charm with the people who don't get naked to make your strip club visits run smoothly.

Waitresses: At the top of the list of employees to grease are the waitresses. These are the staff you will be coming into the most frequent contact with other than the dancers. Be sure to always tip for drinks and tell a server "thank you". You would think this is common sense, but a lot of guys that go to strip clubs lack manners. To distinguish yourself, walk up to a server out of the blue and throw a few singles on her tray just because you can. A classic Sinclair line is to smile and tell a server, "The waitresses are the best looking women in this place." Telling a young woman who may have popped out a few kids and/or is too self-conscious to strip that she is sexy can go a long way. A well-greased waitress can act as a courier for a stripper on the other side of the room that you are interested in or even tip you off to avoid a psychotic stripper. In BYOB clubs, I have been able to procure mixers, ice, and glasses for free despite mandated fees with flirtation, genuine interest, and steady tipping. I tend to disagree with the notion of asking waitresses for recommendations on who the best dancers are. They will likely give referrals for their friends who might not give the best grind. Keep in mind most waitresses have not had firsthand experience to be good judges in this area. However, because waitresses usually share the same locker room with the dancers and tend to be friendly with the talent, you'll want to build a good relationship with them.

Bartenders: Similar to waitresses, you'll need to consistently tip. I'd recommend tipping 20%. In addition, you'll want to establish conversation topics with the bartender continued across your regular visits. Since everybody likes to talk about themselves, show an interest in their hobbies, family, vacations, and etcetera to build a connection. Talking mixology is a good opener when starting out. The bar can be a safe haven when ugly dancers are on stage or an observation post when you arrive and are trying to assess which dancers and cock-blocking regulars are on the premises. A greased bartender will always mix strong drinks for you and may comp a few beverages, dependant on the camera emplacement. Since bartenders tend to be fixtures, they tend to be excellent sources for dancer intelligence. They will know which dancers are in jail, which ones have quit the performing arts, and which ones will be on shift.

Bouncers: Any bouncer that is the gatekeeper or patrolman for the VIP area or private dance room should be slipped some cash; generally paper is the only thing that will work with them. To sweeten the pot, compliment a suited-up bouncer on his tie or tell him, "I love the Armani blazer," to stroke his ego even if it is obviously a Billy London. The skinhead bouncers can sometimes be appeased by a racist joke. These guys are typically ignored and treated like stupid ogres, so a little humor might help complementary to cold-hard cash. If the greasing works, they may let your session run a few minutes over or they may look the other way when you pursue extracurricular activities. Be warned, despite my above suggestions, bouncers are the most difficult strip club workers to win the favor of. Some of them won't ease up and actually enjoy spoiling patrons' fun; these types like to be hardasses and won't soften up for any bribe. If this is the case, you can make a sigh of relief that there is a decent amount of turnover with bouncers in the strip club and nightclub world.

Disc jockeys: Disc jockeys have a job that gets old very quick. Their compensation is generally a tipout from the dancers. If the dancers don't make money, they don't make money. Tossing them a few greenbacks will usually get some of your music played. Continually acknowledging the MC over many visits may get you shout-outs, thus you'll have higher value in the eyes of dancers compared to Joe Blow. A greased DJ might play longer songs when he sees you going back for dances. A well-greased DJ will take girls out of the stage rotation, if possible, so you don't have to be interrupted or share her with other customers. In a fair number of clubs, the disc jockey is not accessible to the customers. They may be in a second-floor perch or backstage where you can't interact with them.

Managers: I don't know of too many clubs where management circulates with the clientele, so greasing a manager can be difficult. The best method to build up good rapport with management is basically to not be a problem. One thing strip club managers hate are guys who come into a strip club and don't spend any money. Don't go to a strip club just to drink beer. Don't go to a strip club to watch a football game (that you probably can't hear anyway). That is what sports bars are for. If and when you run into a manager, give them a firm hand-shake and say something along the line of, "You are running a top-notch establishment. I appreciate your attention to detail and customer service." If you can in the long-term distinguish yourself as a regular that reliably spends, he or she may reward you with free admission passes or side with you when a ROB tries to extract money for dances not rendered. If these guys are running a club that pushes the envelope, they themselves will be greasing the police chief and city council to be oblivious.

Washroom attendants: The bathroom attendant is the least important person to connect with. They are generally useless and from the bottom caste of society. Not tipping them should not hurt you. However, these guys sometimes will have the lowdown on which strippers play for pay and which strippers give the nastiest dances, just because they spend way too much time in the strip club and overhear lots of "guy talk" in the washroom. The trolls are the only strip club employee that you can ask this type of stuff without the possibility of admonishment. With the possibility of information, you may want to drop them a buck every now and again. It also keeps open the possibility you can access some Acqua di Gio if a dancer douses you with her sweat during a steamy session.

Results may vary. Sometimes just a little sugar will bring a big return on investment in the forms of special treatment and information. Other times your greasing may be in vain; service personnel may treat you no better than customers that aren't greasing. Bust out the KY Jelly figuratively, and you just may be able to use the KY Jelly, literally.