Significant Others and Strip Clubs

Wednesday, February 23, 2011 1:44 PM

Why is it that women feel so much animosity toward the men that visit strip clubs? I have heard many times from women that so-and-so is "such a pig" because he visited a SC, with no cursory demonization of the SC itself. It is my opinion that it stems from a woman's misinterpretation of a man's reasons for having sex. Most women think that men have the same feelings that they have during sex (an emotional and psychological connection), when in reality it is all about physical pleasure for the man. That is why most women feel betrayed when they learn about "their man" going to a SC. They think that "their man" is seeking an emotional or psychological connection to someone else, when that simply is not the case. I propose that a man can LOVE one woman for his entire life, and at the same time, have SEX with many, many different women over the course of that lifetime. Many men that visit SC's, love their SO dearly, and treasure that relationship above all others in their lives. And visiting one of these establishments has no detrimental effects on that relationship. In fact, it is almost a necessity for the man to at least have other women to look at, in order for a marriage to be successful. Look at it this way. If all someone had to eat everyday was a potato, how long would it take for them to get so sick of potatos that they wanted to throw it out and never eat a potato again? One year? Less? But, if that same someone could have a potato one day, and then go have a couple of tomatoes the next, and a steak the next, and so on, his love & desire for the potato would never waver. This is the same with sex. It is simply a physical need for a man. In summary, not only do SC's not have a negative effect on a man's relationship with his SO, but they actually help a man to stay with that SO! ...All that being said, you are still better off not telling the Misses! She might not see it this way. ;)

23 comments

georgmicrodong
•
13 years ago
Well, at least one reader considers your third paragraph's premise to be true. I'm by no means "proof", but I believe I am at least evidence that it's true for some.
bumrubber
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13 years ago
I don't see that in myself. The women I came closest to marrying were so great at sex that I had no interest in anyone else. In a really long term relationship that might be different, but I wouldn't know. One of those women would kill me if I went to a SC. The others would probably turn it around somehow. Current GF who is a dancer likes to take me to clubs and make me squirm by buying me dances.
looneylarry
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13 years ago
There are few times that I feel like an expert on a board. But this is one of them. After several years of marriage to one woman, some things are clear. There was a bait-and-switch thing; decent sex before marriage and nearly none after the arrival of children. I noticed before marriage that I had a stronger sex drive than she did, but I thought the difference was not much. I was dead wrong. She's satisfied with 4-5 times/year. When she has gotten nosy about where and when I masturbate, I think it is with a perverse curiosity rather than with any desire to change things. She has this turbo-charged view of feminism that equates any SC, hooker/john, online porn, infidelity, webcam, adultery, friend w/ benefits, wet dream, or leering look at a bikini at the beach. It is all the same: horrific, scum-sucking cheating fit for maggots. Looking at a stripper, being with a stripper, and even thinking about being with a stripper are all equally reprehensible. So, this is *not* gmd's wife. Sucker, she would try to take your potato and stuff it up your ass. No room for negotiation. No room for debate. There is good and evil and if you step over the line, you are now and forever on the dark side. I knew that she was inclined that way before we married; I didn't know that it would continue to bubble into a jihadist rage. So, I am committed to her and to my family. But there is no common ground. And if you have made the leap already to figure that it is more than a skewed understanding of human sexuality and gender differences and that it is more likely a control thing, I'd agree with you. But you can't push a rope, and I'll never get her to see it my way, and she'll go to her grave thinking that any man who entered a strip club should have been castrated on the spot. Deserving of punishment like all other sexual offenders. So while she can't bring herself to have sex with me (only once in a blue moon when she gets horny or drunk) she doesn't want me to get satisfaction anywhere else. Or even think about it. (Psst, last night I had a hot dream about a stacked black chick. Couldn't stop that one, could ya, beeyatch?)
sinclair
•
13 years ago
Good article.
Rod8432
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13 years ago
Ouch, Larry. I feel your pain. I've had both a wife (way early on) and then girlfriends later who HATED SCs with a passion reserved for child molesters and thieves who steal from Salvation Army kettles at Christmas. In fact, a woman's perception of SCs has become a litmus test for me during dating. Somewhere along the line we'll see a billboard, placard on a taxi, etc., and I'll wait for her comment. If it's "I can't believe any man would like going to those places. They're cesspools of human depravity filled with perverts." Meanwhile I'm I'm making a mental note to check the place out. I'm getting to the point life (~50) where I'm thinking that marriage is out and SCs are in. This is how it's gonna be from here on in. I'll date someone lightly, if I find anyone interesting, but otherwise I'll indulge in the SC life without reservation. I just don't see my desire to go to SCs ever going away. Aside from gmd's wife (who's so rare in my experience, as to be practically extinct), I think my approach may be the only answer.
jackslash
•
13 years ago
Women hate it when men have fun.
kingcripple
•
13 years ago
its not just the women who dont work at strip clubs, its the ones that do as well. where do you think the term PL came from? the strippers. anyway you cut it, men get in trouble no matter what we do
dabiggtipper
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13 years ago
Great article. I could have sex with my wife everday but I stil want something different every now and then. I think its part of being a man and this is what makes us different from women.
sucker4ladies
•
13 years ago
dabiggtipper: You hit the nail on the head. Variety is the spice of life. Even if you found a woman that would have sex with you any way and any time you like, there would still be an end to the variety at some point. Thankfully, we have strip clubs to fulfill this need, and yet still stay with one woman, if we so choose.
lopaw
•
13 years ago
I hate to break it to you, but you don't have to be male to experience any of the things listed here. I'm proof of that. Also - You don't think that women wouldn't love alot of sexual variety too? Think again!
Rod8432
•
13 years ago
lopaw - I think there's some degree of overlap between men and women. I've known men in my life who only seem to want to be married, have no interest in SCs, and see men who go as lost souls. And then there are women like you who find some of the same thrill most men do with sexual titillation and variety. You're rare, though. I think most women want a "story" or emotional context into which to project their sexual interest, hence the popularity of steamy romance novels. SCs provide little of that, which is fine for most men, but from what I've seen, most women are either bored, not interested, or hostile to it. And for the life of them, they can't understand a man's fascination with it and see their preoccupation as something to be suppressed. Thanks for the reminder that we're not all cut from the same stereotypical cloth.
lopaw
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13 years ago
Rod8432- well said. i wish more posters were as enlightened as you seem to be!
looneylarry
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13 years ago
lopaw, which one are you: the redhead or the brunette? lol
lopaw
•
13 years ago
larry, i'm the blonde that you can't see who took the picture! ;)
Dougster
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13 years ago
Attitudes towards strippers really seem to have changed just in the last few years. Nowadays it seems most men are just looking for a chick to fuck, and don't care about "emotional connection" or any of that bull, beyond a bit of ego stroking. Who wants to play the PL game when the girls put out so easily? There used to be more PLs, however, and, from reading the board back then and talking to strippers it seems the norm was that men were looking for emotional connection however much they might have denied it. That's probably why wives do not like the idea of husbands visiting SCs (that and the whole STD thing, of course), it isn't clear yet to outsiders that strip clubs are now mere whore houses that don't even attempt to veil the fact.
jackoff
•
13 years ago
Over the years I have known a large percentage of strippers who would never be involved with a guy who went to a strip club. They always said that we were perverts with an addiction and not trustworthy. It always made me laugh. Some how these same ladies justified giving and receiving sexual gratification for money, but there S.O.'s were not allowed. Strange thing is the S.O. was usually some worthless piece of sh*t sitting at home waiting for the money, high as a kite, just not in a SC! The girls who are usually open to us perverts are usually Bi or Bi-curious in my experience and want to join in on the fun.
facehoser
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13 years ago
I think that there's a definite difference in perspective between MOST men and MOST women when it comes to attitudes about sex and that these differences are some combination of biological and cultural. There is no shortage of examples of polygamous males in the animal kingdom, while most female animals are more or less monogamous. Human culture also has plenty of examples of polygamy. Western culture -- especially the US with its Puritan heritage -- has endorsed monogamy for both males and females and celebrated it in story and song. It shouldn't be any surprise that many women, influenced by their biology, culture and even religion, believe that everyone should be monogamous. Of course, there are men who also believe that. Fortunately, there are a good many women who, like lopaw, have a more tolerant perspective. These are the women who allow their men to go to strip clubs, who go with their men, or who even go to adult theaters and swing clubs so that they can fulfill their desires. Thank goodness for such women -- especially the ones at the theaters!!
mrhyde35
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13 years ago
The reason is simple. How will you feel if you see your 'SO' among men (possibly better than you) wearing only underwear and rubbing their 'parts' on her body in sensual way, while she is enjoying it? Yes, you just can not stand it. Can you? Real relationship has an attraction and possession aspect that when breached can put the other person in a hostile position.
georgmicrodong
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13 years ago
mrhyde: I disagree with your assertion that a "real" relationship has a "possession" aspect. While most of western society does in fact perpetuate that idiocy, it's no part of a real *healthy* relationship. A good relationship may indeed *look* like possession to outsiders, but that doesn't mean it is. If you must "possess" someone, that's a sign of insecurity to me.
potheadpl
•
13 years ago
Chris Rock said, "women want to be SOLELY responsible for a man's pleasure.". That's the truth of the matter. My ex gave me shit about JERKING OFF, FFS!! She said, "That's what I'm here for.". But she wasn't here all the time. Am I supposed to be wholly dependent on her for my satisfaction? Nope. When the sex robot is perfected, the sexual power structure will change.
georgmicrodong
•
13 years ago
Sex robots will be considered prostitutes, and so will be outlawed.
kumasdaisy
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13 years ago
I think it has to do with the individual woman, not women in general. Men are expected to go to strip clubs; it's a "coming of age" thing for some people. So regardless of their opinion on it, they'll usually go. A lot of men who come in to Kuma's for bachelor parties were cajoled into it by their friends. However, women don't feel socially obligated to enjoy strip clubs, so they don't have any fear about expressing an opinion about it. Also, for older women, I would imagine it might be hard to think that your man is checking out sexy young ladies elsewhere. I think women outside of the strip game imagine us as irresistible femmebots out to steal their men and their men's wallets, when in reality we're just people. I can definitely see how that would be scary for a spouse.
georgebailey
•
13 years ago
To a significant other it's all about intimacy. Not just sex. We want sex, they want intimacy. It's being with a member of the opposite sex that bothers them. Having sex with someone else is even worse.

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