AUGUSTA USED TO BE A LIVELY TOWN: I NOW PRONOUNCE IT DEAD

I entered this place 15 minutes after it opened at 4:15 PM. I don't know why the clubs in Augusta open so late. Most places they open at 11:00 AM or Noon. Maybe it's another Richmond County stupid ordinance, and you should see our County Commission and Mayor. They look like a kindergarten being lead by a first grader. I like to hit these places early, especially when they're in a sketchy neighborhood like this place is. Anyhow, there was nobody in the place, until the very uptight bartender came scurrying out. I ordered a soft drink. I think it was $3.75, and she gave me a bunch of ones for my 20, not bad. Then she called the one dancer who had arrived and told me she was getting dressed. I was sort of hoping she was getting undressed, thinking that was the whole idea, as they advertise fully nude. One fairly cute tall blonde came out and did one short dance on their small stage clothed, so I tucked a buck under her garter, which was way down on her thigh. She then hiked her T-shirt up to just above her breasts and wiggled around a little more. I offered up another buck. In most places, they take the whole top off and let you place it tenderly between their lovely breasts. No touching in Augusta, but there used to be plenty of it long years ago. On the third song, she took off the whole g-string and wiggled around nude, but not spreading, no getting close to your face, if I had reached out and touched anything, I think sirens would have gone off and a big cage would have come down around me. Then a hispanic or mixed race girl, not as attractive, came in and went in the back to get dressed and did the exact same act. They are very careful not to get anyplace close to the customers, even though the stage is right at where the customers sit. I guess it's another stupid Augusta ordinance. So then I got ready to leave, and I mentioned to the uptight bartender girl that I had never been in a place that didn't have any private lap dance rooms and guessed it was another stupid Augusta ordinance. I like to feel the material and tip generously. She said no, that they liked it that way, because those lap dance rooms promote prostitution. Heavens to Betsy! I'm shocked. So don't waste your money on nudey bars in Augusta. Back when there were at least a dozen clubs on that block of Broad Street, all sorts of stuff went on, take out was available, and nobody got hurt, and around 10th and Greene St we had the Rebel Room, with the convenient Shirley Hotel upstairs, with young, knockout girls that you could take upstairs, $5.00 for the room, $50.00 for the girl, nobody got hurt either, and you couldn't find a parking space on lower Broad Street or near The Shirley Hotel at night. Now our Bible thumping city fathers have made the place a ghost town, and think they're going to attract thousands with craft shops and eclectic little restaurants. So I go to Philly or Tampa or Miami and let Augustans enjoy their prayer meetings and cheap restaurants. You can't even get a Prime Steak here, because folks won't pay $250.00 for dinner for two. I didn't bother to try the Discotheque. I figured it would be another FWOT. So if all you want to do is look at naked girls, there are several nudist colonies up in the Georgia mountains where you can get day passes, or weekend passes, and in the pools and hot tubs, you'll get a lot more non-sexual "accidental" touching than you will at Augusta clubs, and you don't have to tip. When I left, there was still nobody in there. I wonder why?