Not for everyone; perfect for some.

The Dancin' Bare is nothing special to look at. From the outside the name is punny, the sign was mocked up on a cocktail napkin as a joke, and the place is painted a color that could only be called sun-bleached. The inside is dark enough to not immediately notice how lovingly held together it is with black duct tape. It's big, open, and decorated with decades worth of beer swag. There are 3 stages, but should get rid of one. It's clean enough to know the people who work there care, and dirty enough to make no mistakes that you're in a dive. It's a Portland strip club through and through and it's not trying to be anything it's not. If you're looking for glass ceilings, champagne, and cookie cutter robot dancers: this is the wrong club for you.

The first dancer on stage was tall, tatted and raven-haired with a wicked smile, and dancing to a 9 minute long Type O Negative song. I was hooked. Each subsequent dancer was unique in their own way. The soccer mom, the metalhead, the acrobat, the goth, the school teacher, the experienced and the new new model... busty, flat, tall, short, tatted, spotless, short hair, long hair, curly hair, straight hair, fit and soft. These women are real, and beautiful. There's something for everyone is cliche, but very appropriate.

Every time I move I look for my new Chinese restaurant. I search for something in about the 3.5 out of 5 rating with lots of complaints about it being not authentic and too greasy. That's the Dancin' Bare. It's not for everyone, but the people who love it wouldn't trade it for anything.