How do you not love the...

How do you not love the Playhouse? Plentiful selection, no hassles, no BS, and privacy that's better than any club anywhere. What will you find here? Ordinary but not amazing surroundings. Not a dive, but not a posh club. No bouncers, no goons, no make-believe this is a fancy nightclub and we're all The Most Interesting Man in The World. It's a completely safe and comfortable vibe. Patty the daytime bartender greets her customers with a smile. And the BYOB policy (you bring, they keep it cool for you) keeps costs down if you want to drink. Feels like a local bar with lots of tits and more.

But the dance arrangement is just the best around. The 'dollar parade' isn't just a Ruskobot coming around saying "Give me dollar, comrade!" (No Russians or EE's here). The barside visit always includes a little bump and grind, maybe a PH handshake (a little grab of your most loved extremity), and it will give you a sense of what to expect. If there's no action barside, there'll likely be no action in the back. But the sampler at the bar is not a nuisance, it's a bargain-priced smorgasbord where you can taste a whole selection for just a few singles.

The back: Ahhh, the back. (Which is sometimes the front). Rooms, with doors. Doors! How great is that?! No beaded curtains, no sitting next to another dude. No steriod-pumped asshole in a tux sticking his head in to kill your buzz. It's a room with a door and a padded bench. Yeah, the door has a foot cut off the bottom, but its locked and it's a door. Which makes their regular dance room more like the VIP at everyplace else.

The action: Great! These girls are here to do what they seem to love doing. Hands everywhere, both ways. Only thing off the menu seems to be the Full Course and maybe the Blue Jello (see what I did there?). But feel free to wander to all parts of the world as you touch and taste your way through this banquet. Not much off limits.

Girls: Not Barbies in a box. Real girls, many over 30, some over 40. But with a few exceptions, they're sexy, curvy, cute. My latest discovery: Nadia, who's a tall shapely woman in the style of a 60's Playmate model. Big brunette, shaped just right. Precious also fits that bill. But there's plenty more. Mostly Brazilian, which is just fine with me. I avoid Bella, who I think is more than a little bit freaking crazy. Milla is an older model who's been carefully kept and polished, but a bit creepy in the way she puts her fingers all over you. Also, I'd skip Laura, an American brunette has a lot of attitude. She thinks she's dancing someplace fancy. Pass on her and go Brazilian, my friends.