Things are a little different in England...

I had the good fortune to be in London for a week, and decided to check out some of the clubs that the Old Smoke had to offer. There seem to be two kinds of clubs here, the very expensive, high-roller. American-style (read Las Vegas or LA) clubs like Spearmint Rhino (see?) or Stringfellow's, where you've spent 20 quid on beer and entry before you've ever tipped a dancer, and the old-fashioned (so I'm told) money-in-the-jug neighborhood joints. The Horns, just on the edge of Shoreditch in East London, is one of the latter.

Here's how such clubs work. You walk in like any pub, and there is a lovely, naked, often eastern-European, woman dancing on a small stage at one end of the venue. These places are usually pretty small, but friendly, clean, and the prices at the bar are the same as in the neighborhood boozer just down the street. Before the next dancer takes the stage, she will make a rotation through the patrons with an empty beer glass and collect a pound coin (or more) from each of the patrons. This is not optional. Once you've paid, you will be left alone to enjoy your beer and the show.

The Horns is very friendly, very relaxed, and very easy to kill a few hours in. The dancers are uniformly attractive (7 - 10 range) and very low pressure. If you are going to stay, you should always have a drink in your hand, even if you are nursing it, and ALWAYS put your pound in the jug. You should probably skip the private dances, unless you happen to have a favorite that you'd like to see dance out of rotation, as they are more than no-contact, they are no closer than the stage show, nor more explicit.