Where do I start? … “The...

Where do I start? … “The Good”: The image of the club on the outside as well as the inside in my opinion is at the top of the list as far as Strip Clubs go. The outside feels secure, with a fenced in parking lot and I’m not talking about chain-link and barded wire either. With obvious signs of security everywhere, and not some overweight guy with his pants falling off his ass either…we’re talking suits. Nice lighting outside…a really professional looking place. When you walk into the club, it reminds you of something Quentin Tarantino would have used if he were to re-write the bar scene from “Dusk Till Dawn” as a high class bar. Impressive in my book! I recommend just going in to see the place…. The Girls are all above average in looks, so no complaints there. And let’s not forget that they also sell food…And good food for a descent price at that!!! “The Bad”: With a place that looks like this you would expect to see the hottest girls in town working at this place…I mean, my god…the girls walking around the University of Alabama are absolutely gorgeous and that’s only 45 minutes away…does not make sense why the place isn’t packed with both good looking girls and a ton of guys. O.K. ,O.K. , …the club is amazingly difficult to find if you’re from out of town using GPS, and it’s located behind a building materials place but it’s still in the city of Birmingham. And that’s probably the problem. This place is located in Birmingham! They seem to have the most arcane laws about strip club conduct that it absolutely stifles the business. And of course you mix in a little Bible Belt with that…and there you have it…“AIR DANCEville.” $20 dollars a dance and it gets you an Air Dance in the corner of the club… that is out in the open on a couch…With a Bouncer watching your every move. I mean really…We’re out in the open for all to see…and you’re going to stare at me for a $20 Air Dance. “Really!!” And the Girls attitudes run in either two directions: 1) scared shitless that they’re going to get into trouble for touching you <or> 2) an air of arrogance…”if you want to touch me…you need to pay $300.00 for 30 minutes in VIP”…”Because us Alabama girls don’t do stuff like Atlanta girls do without getting paid”. (of course anybody who knows anything about Atlanta…The ATL is not the place to go for Lap Dances either…Odd that they would compare themselves to ATL girls.) Needless to say, the few good looking girls in the place are in a “Seller’s Market” and they have no desire, either from fear or attitude of greed that you’re going to have a stellar good time without dropping half a Grand in this place. (of course with no guarantees either). “THE UGLY”: In talking with a dancer from another club, and asking the question “why don’t you work at the Furnance?”. The answer I got was surprising. Quote: “I will not do the things that the owner expects of girls to do for high roller customers”... Of course you can interpret that statement any number of ways. But from my experience it’s quite interesting and surprisingly normal in it’s hypocrisy of business traits for clubs located in the Bible Belt. As long as you have a ton of money to drop, your desire for an above average experience is only “possibly” guaranteed. If on the other hand you go to strip clubs to look at a girl’s tits and pay $6 for a bottle of water then this is the place for you. Let’s face it…if this club was located in Texas or South Carolina or Indiana…it would be a “Bitchin” place to go. Instead, it feels like the cast from the Sapranos is operating this place…without a clue on how to negotiate with the local officials, the ability to tone down the watch dogs , and boot girls with the greedy attitudes.

“FINALLY”: go to the club…have dinner….eat…but don’t expect to have what many of us would deem a “Normal” strip club experience where you actually have a fun experience with the girls without missing a mortgage payment. It’s just SAD…this place could be so much more!!!