scott1971

You're right, Tessie and driver but perhaps on the other hand what the other girls tend to do in a given club can contribute to a sense of expectations on the part of the customer. The customer does not thereby earn some kind of "right" to extras or a prior warning that they won't be delivered but it does set up a problem for the dancer who does not want to play that way. Knowing this false expectation might exist in a given club it is probably worthwhile to develop a strategy to address it in a way that defuses the expectation while still preserving business as it were. Unfair though it may be, just staying silent may have the unintended and undesired result of creating unsatisfied customers. I'm not at all defending the situation, only describing it. Book Guy wasn't in my opinion "misled" at all, but if a dancer is tagged with that rep--fairly or otherwise--it's obviously not helpful to her.

Check the gloassary. ATF==All Time Favorite. SO=Significant Other. That second one is hardly specific to stripping; the first one is.

My take on it is that she's a fantasy--of course we're attached to her. The fantasy is terrific. The trouble starts when we manage to forget it's a fantasy.

whghlost--Surely you can appreciate that there is a clear preponderance of opinion in the replies you've collected from a wide variety of commenters. You've gotten some good advice here, especially from pushin50 and FONDL. Leave her alone. You may split hairs to convince yourself it's not "stalking," but the kind of behavior you're describing is the reason restraining orders exist. If she seeks one--which she certainly could under the circumstances--it will become illegal for you to come anywhere near her. You want her to hear you out. She's made it abundantly clear that she doesen't want to. She doesen't have to. Leave her alone and try to appreciate your behavior patterns--my guess is this isn't an aberrant pattern for you but is rather one that you are prone to finding yourself in. It's not a healthy pattern.

I think it's self-deception to think of it as an "affair substitute." It strikes me (as a happily 10+ year married family man kind of guy) as just another way of trying to tell oneself that "it's not really cheating." It is an affair and it is cheating. It's a different kind of "affair" than one that carries emotional/romantic elements but an affair nevertheless. I think that's what we're paying for. In exchange for money we have a "safer" affair--no attachments, no courting no emotional investment--a financial investment instead. The money replaces those elements of relationship building one would have to put into a "traditional" affair. For some, that's a level of "cheating" one can live with on occasion when a "traditional" affair would be unthinkable, undesired, and just plain would/could never happen. But it doesen't surprise me a bit that in your last sentence this hypothetical guy who went telling himself "it's not really an affair--it's an 'affair substitute'" discovers the reality doesen't match the deception. Seems to me better to be honest with oneself and go in with one's eyes open--decide to do it if one wants, but don't try to do it while pretending it's really something else. Sorry if that sounds judgmental.