Reviews

This is not really a review, burI am not sure where else on the site to post it. I hope it prevents someone from wasting time trying to go to Cheeks. Cheeks is closed, apparently permanently; probably a victim of the Covid pandemic which resulted in restrictions on public gatherings in NM and a reduction in disposable income for potential patrons. The building is for sale/for lease. City ordinances prohibit another strip club at that location, and probably anywhere in Santa Fe. I never had a good experience there as enforcement of the no touching rules were rigorous and few, if any, dancers ever stretched the rules. I remember once trying to have some fun with a private dance and the dancer told me she couldn’t do any thing and if I wanted that I should go to an Albuquerque club where she danced and gave me her schedule. At least for true strip lub aficionados, it will not be missed. But it is a sign of the times, more clubs will close and it will be harder to find a good time. With the political and sociological environment the way it is these days it is not likely that new ones can be opened. That is sad, so enjoy the clubs while we still have them. So, if you are in Santa Fe and want to visit a club, you are out of luck unless you travel 45 minutes down the interstate to Albuquerque, where, at last count, 3 clubs are still open. Two of the three are good options. Sorry for the vague answers to the questions, but, as the club is closed, it doesn’t matter. I hope it doesn’t confuse. Here is a link to a Santa Fe New Mexican article about the closing, including a short interview with a dancer that used to work there. < https://news.yahoo.com/cheeks-santa-fes-only-strip-160100462.html >

I was in the area for work and decided to check out Cheeks. I'd visited once a few years back and was unimpressed, but there isn't much activity in the area and I wanted to see if things had improved. I'd say they have, but not by a lot. Parking is OK. It's somewhat lit, but there is a fence that runs along the edge of the parking lot that is dark. Most people seem to back in so the windshield faces the building, which is what I did. Cover was $10 I think. Masks were required everywhere other than if you were sitting at a table with a drink. This is fucked up and really takes away from the "experience". I don't think it's 100% the fault of Cheeks management, but a few days later I went to a club in ABQ and they definitely do not where masks there. So...whatever...it sucks. Grabbed a beer at the bar and a cute little blonde immediately introduced herself - Aria I think. She said she'd join me at the table in a few. When I walked into the place there were no dancers on stage. I think there were maybe only 2 or 3 other guys in there, each occupied with a dancer. In their defense it was early (8pm?) on a Sunday, but still there was a definite lack of energy. I think they felt they had to put someone on stage when I sat down, so up came what I would assume was a really hot latin girl. Couldn't see her face but her body was outstanding. About 20 seconds later the little blonde showed up. Early 20s, short, thick but not fat, really sexy actually. Bought her a drink, chatted with her for a while...she talks a lot, but it's fine. She was cute so I did a couple VIP dances. They make her and you wear a fucking mask in VIP...so ridiculous. The dances were not bad given the rules. They are very strict on touching. She can touch you but you can't touch her. Standard bump and grind, nothing extra that would have indicated greater potential for fun. Squirrely dude came in at one point and bitched at me to put my arms out to the side. Between that and the masks...well fuck. After a couple of dances I paid/tipped her. I still wonder if OTC was a possibility, and I kicked myself later for not exploring it properly, but I was annoyed with the mask thing and strict rules on touching and just wanted to bail. That's it. I think if the mask rules lightened up it would have changed the experience, but they still need to lighten up on contact. There were only a handful of girls, maybe 4 or 5? Aria was sexy and the masked latina had an 8-9 body - no idea on the face. The other girls I never saw much of due to masks and my preoccupation with Aria. I'll probably give it another go next time around only because the options are zilch. But if the mask rules don't lighten up I don't know how they can stay in business. I'm sure it sucks for the girls and the establishment as much as it does for the customers.

In town for work, I stopped by the only game in town around 11:30 on a Monday night. After partying the $10 cover at the door, I proceeded to the bar where they have some daily drink specials as well as regular fare. I opted for the daily special sugar-water margarita option at $4.50, which was eh. Looked like beer bottles were maybe 6 bucks if I remember right. The club has three stages. What I'll call the main stage opposite the bar, a small circular center stage, and a corner stage opposite the main stage. Girls seemed to rotate through the various stages at their whim. No sugarcoating, this club looks old and busted, but not egregiously so. Strange dead space near the end of the bar, stage tops looked like they came from junior year shop class, and the couches in the VIP dance room looked either uncomfortable for dances or beat to hell. The main floor chairs, though, were actually pretty comfortable. This place probably looked fine 15 years ago. Dancers were a mix of ethnicities (mostly white, some Latin and black) and qualities (mostly 6s, but ranging from 3 to 8). Of the approximate 8 girls, only two approached me to talk or for dances, despite a 2-1 ratio of dancers to custies at most. One was a cute Cuban who barely spoke English (no, gracias); the other a friendly (if plump and a little old) girl named Nadia. The only 8 I saw there (brunette with short straight hair) did a good stage show, but seemed content to stay with a presumptive regular giving floor dances all night. I ended up talking with Nadia for 3 or 4 songs on the floor before going to the VIP for a pair of dances. ($10 floor dances and $20 VIPs available). Coming from the strip club circle of hell which is Chicago, I was surprised to find that no touching was allowed, and I kept my hands to sides. Nonetheless, Nadia did a fine job working within these constraints, rubbing her boobies in my face and doing some neck/ear nuzzling play that I loved. In the end, no regrets on the pair of dances and tip for her. This strip club is overall pretty meh, but it's the closest club for about an hour's drive. As my review title states, I can't figure out the member rating here. The existing reviews are fairly accurate with only a few odd over-review in the morning, yet the numbers calculate out pretty high. Someone should check TUSCL's math here.

The interior of the place is typical strip club. One nice aspect is that they have three stages and the dancers made use of all three. The space is pretty good, so you're not crowded against other patrons. With the women, it was kind of a something for everyone selection. Personally, I found that there were a couple of women who I tried not to make eye contact with for fear they might sit down, a couple who qualified as not bad, and a couple who I found quite hot. There was a bit of an issue of some of the dancers hanging out with regulars. That said, I hadn't been there too long before Jade came over to talk to me. She's cute and could hold a decent conversation. She also gives a very nice lap dance. I'm used to being able to touch (within reason) during a lap dance, though, so the no touching restriction was pretty weird. I also ended up chatting with Kiki after her set. She's quite cute and has nice energy on stage. Her lap dance style is not at all subtle and was quite fun. I also had one other woman stop by and offer OTC action. She might well have been the best looking woman in the place. Not what I was looking for, but if I had, I would have been interested in her offer. All in all, a pleasant evening.

AFter reading all of the previous reviews I was not expecting much, but I had a very good time. Cover was $10, Beer was $6, Bottle of Water $5. The club opens 6pm - 2am, and I got there at about 7pm. The first dancer did not get on stage until maybe 730-8 when enough guys got there to make an audience. The facility is big, and clean, it is a typical strip club that is not recently remodeled. The chairs were comfortable, the bathrooms could have been cleaner and there was very little privacy at the urinals. The girls ranged from a couple of 9-10's to some 5's, but one mans five is another mans 10. There is something for every taste there. There were not that many customers either, there was one couple. A couple of the girls were the , "Hi do you want a dance?" type but most would sit and chat for a bit, get to know you before offering up dances. There are dances at the table for $10 and dances in a VIP room for $20. They are done topless but are really good grind dances. This isn't the highest mileage club but it was fun, and I enjoyed myself for 3.5 hours and had a very good time. There did not seem to b e a difference between table dances and vip dances, except for the privacy. with the second girl a bouncer came into the vip room, the first time none did. The girls did not object to a little touching by the guy, but nothing too intimate was allowed. I did have one girl hint at possible OTC, but I politely declined. There was one girl that stood out to me, Kiana a beautiful latina who was friendly fun to talk to and very sensual. Great dances, great conversation and a great time Couple of things I noticed and thought I would mention: To the guys, if you cannot afford to tip dollars to the girls, then you cannot afford to be in a stripclub. The number of guys tipping was very low. The girls work for tips, they also make money on dances. If you sit and talk to a girl for a half hour, then decline to get dances you need to compensate her for her time. 40-50 dollars minimum, or man up and get a dance. Fort hose of you complaining that there are not enough girls, if you all tip generously and get dances and they can make good money, it will attract more girls. The girls are not there to date you. To the dancers, just an FYI, when you come off stage from dancing and you are all sweaty, go to your dressing room and freshen up, a little light body spray can work wonders. A couple of the girls came off stage and had a rather unpleasant odor. I thought this was a good club with a lot of potential. To the patrons of the club in Santa Fe, Show the girls the money! If you tip them they will come! I will definitely hit it again when I drive through. Hmmm I wonder what days Kianna is working next week when I drive through again?

Stopped in late on a Sunday night while staying over. There were more dancers in the club and patrons. Most dancers were crowded around one guy. Private dances are done in a back room. Privates were $30/song which seemed ok at the time but then after the rules started coming out, the price seemed high. The last time that I had the rules experience was in Chicago where you basically sit on your hands and there is absolutely no contact. She spent more time running her mouth than dancing. Would not repeat with her, and would not go back if the others dancers are the same.

Everything about Cheeks is very middle of the road. The girls are not gorgeous or ugly, but allright. The club itself isn't beautiful or rundown, but average.The overall experience isn't a great time or absolute shit, but just okay. This is a place you'd go to once, and then promptly forget about it. That said, it's the only game in town, so if you have to go to a club, this is where you'll going. If you adjust your expectations accordingly, you'll be fine. Not great, but fine. I went on a Thursday night and there were about 7 or 8 girls total. Nobody stunning, but nobody hideous either. I'd say they're probably a cut below what I've seen in ABQ. On the whole, they're reasonably friendly. Most were pretty chill, but about one or two were overly pushy. Got a couple of dances, which as you can probably guess were very average. Drink prices were - you guess it - pretty standard, $5 for a beer if I remember right. Bottom line: You'd probably have a better time if you just drove down to ABQ. But if you (a) are in Santa Fe, (b) don't feel like driving, (c) want to see some tits, and (d) like me, don't have the game to see them on your own, go here. You'll have a very average time.

First time at Cheeks, it was ok. Dancers were pretty good looking. Lap dances were pretty good but ymmv. Had one little hottie going by name of Diamond. She came by and sat down and started chatting. She rubbed my leg and offered a lap dance. I said ok so we went off to set of chairs along the wall. She did a little grinding but not real significant. She let my hand wander a little but wouldn't let me touch the kitty. Dances were $20 each. Had another dance with Chanel. She allowed less touch than Diamond but was ok. Dancers were nice and friendly but mileage is pretty low as a general rule. Since there are not other options in Santa Fe may stop by again, but will probably head to Albq when I'm in the mood in Northern New Mexico.

Cheeks is a pretty generic strip club, in the middle of the commercial district of town (on Cerillos). A couple of the women were cute (both latina), but the others were pretty haggard. Better looking on stage than off. There were 6 dancers on when i went there. It is topless, with a lot of table dances going on. There are private rooms, but i didn't partake. I did notice it was common to sit on the outskirts of the club on couches for lap dances, rather than close to the stage. I got 2 table dances from one younger, latina cutie and they were good dances. More touching than i expected. It looked like even more touching available on the couches. Cheap beer, so it's not that expensive a place. I paid a $5 cover on Wednesday at 830. A fine place, but not for a conoisseur. Maybe Albuquerque has better spots?

I was expecting the only strip club in Santa Fe to be more upscale but nope, Cheeks is a mid range dive in the middle of a strip mall type area of Santa Fe. it's pretty small and like the majority of strip clubs, hasn't been redecorated since 1985. The bartender made a really great and cheap martini and as is often the case in strip clubs she was probably one the most attractive women I saw all night. I arrived at around 7:30 pm and it seemed like the place was still getting going. They open at six but it might be smarter to come around 9 or 10. They also call last call at 1:30 after which they play 4 or 5 songs for you to finish up your private dances and leave. They have 3 stages 2 of which I saw being used. For the stages you walk up and put some dollars in the ladies thong and they kind of air fuck you or whatever for a surprisingly long time. This is pretty much the only way to get girls to come up to you after their set, don't expect them to hustle you or come say hi, if you want a dance you need to be aggressive. They also offer table dances for 5 dollars. Those were mostly air dances from what I saw though, so what's the point? The vip room kind of looks like someone's basement. They have 5 couches that are like floral print or synthetic leather and for 20 dollars a song the girl will grind away on you but there is absolutely no touching allowed and they are watching those cameras closely, they guy came in and yelled at someone on another couch twice. Scared my boner away both times! Girls were surprisingly attractive and very young but seemingly pretty experienced. I met a little spitfire from Alabama named Keisha who totally made my night. Look her up if you're in Santa Fe. I feel I should mention that there is a bit of a thug vibe to this place although it seems safe. Also a good note that the cabs in this city are very unreliable, so it might be good to call them well before the bar closes.

Terrible club. The girls were generally not attractive, though there was one cutie - but overall the talent was low. She was pretty mercenary too and was not keen on banter w/ the customers. However, considering the quality of the fellow customers maybe I should not blame her - the people there are very seedy. Also, she was not American; she said she was from Spain but this is probably a lie, I think more likely from Mexico. Lots of tattoos on the girls. $15 entry fee saturday night, not worth it.

Sort of run down looking on the outside, it apparently had a different name on the building a few years back. Fairly safe and decently lit parking, easy to find right on the main drag. Cover charge was $6 and drinks were around $4 each in the late afternoon, not sure if they have drink specials. Girls were decent looking mainly hispanic as you would imagine. None that really blew me away, all were decent looking though. Private dance was $20 and not worth the price, felt a little like a home town club and I was an outsider.