What makes a good review

I'm not the most experienced clubber but I've made the occasional visit for decades, and I try to be an active adjudicator. There are a lot of half-assed attempts at reviews which I reject outright, but a lot of gray areas between a poor review and what I think is a good one. I thought I'd post my own thoughts and see what other folks want to add on.

Simply put, I'm looking for an authentic review with a point of view and sufficient detail or information as to make it understandably specific to the club in question. Bonus points for showing some personality in the writing. If you took the club name off the review and what's written could apply to 100 other clubs, IMO it's not useful to me or other mongers.

It does not have to be a novel, and might not contain a detailed breakdown of the club layout, prices, or all dancers on a shift - could be more about a particular experience, aspects of the club not always talked about, 'insider information', stuff about ownership/management, etc.

It cannot be 1-2 sentences or generic. I know people are angling for free time, but if you don't have something unique or useful to share, don't waste my time. I don't want to read flowery AI generated garbage either. Just write like a normal human being and damnit use paragraphs.

I personally like brief layout info, dance variations and prices (in and out of VIP) and gotchas to be wary of in the club. Some people list dancer names, personalities, quirks, and descriptions of their dances and VIPs, and think that's sort of a requirement unless you have other really good info to share. Though linking specific acts to a specific name isn't always a good idea, I absolutely want a name, personality, appearance and how much you enjoyed their dances or VIPs. For me it helps to hear what kind of performance they give - fast/aggressive, slow/sensual, businesslike or GFE. I like when specific dancers get called out by name for being ROBs, sketchy with their prices or dance counts, or especially have bad personal hygiene so I know who to avoid if I go.

What else? I like to know what the club is like. Clean/dirty. Dark/well lit. How are the dancers dressed? Are the bartenders hot / friendly? Are there massage girls / what do they do / where do they do it / pricing. What music is playing - and how loud was it. What is the clientele like (I know it's touchy but it's helpful to know if the club clientele leans older/younger, white/black/Hispanic customers, etc. - Am I gonna feel out of place or maybe even unsafe at certain days or times?) Where is the parking and is there a cost? Does the area surrounding the club seem safe or sketchy? Is language and communication a problem?

For me I think of all of these things like a menu of review items to choose from, and if I can't supply some of them, look for others to add so the review is useful if not always the longest.

What do other folks there here?