10 Customer Truths

I'll put letters on these and let you slot them in between numbers 1 and 8 as you please.

A) Not only do we want to spend as little as we have to, we also want to get away with as much as we can. That's the nature of the customer side of any economic relationship. If that shocks, surprises or disgusts you then look into another line of work -- ideally one with no customer contact.

B) Some guys like piercings and tattoos. Most don't. If you choose to put surgical steel through your face/nipples/clit or cover your arm or back in a picture of a snake/angel/"tribal" design, then don't complain when your customer base shrinks because most of your regulars stop buying dances.

C) We like tits and will spend money to see and touch them. We like nice tits way more, and we will spend way more money to see and touch nice ones. When opting for surgical enhancements spend some time finding a good surgeon and be prepared to spend some real money on them. Don't just open the yellow pages, close your eyes and point at an ad.

D) Visiting a strip club is like any other form of fictionalized entertainment. We are willing to suspend disbelief to enhance our good time so keep the lies simple, beleivable and within the fantasy (you have no kids, you like older men, you love your job because you're always horny, you're bi, etc.). But don't treat us like we're gullible morons because that just destroys the whole thing; the 350 pounder doesn't want to hear about his "muscles", the guy with the combover won't believe you think bald is beautiful, and the guy with the four inch hard on doesn't want to be told it's huge.

E) Unless its a club where things really are better in the VIP room than on the floor (whatever that may be in that particular club) don't try to upsell us. We come in with X dollars to spend, we plan on spending all of it, and if you treat us right not only you will get all of it regardless of what room we use but we'll look for you when we come back. Rip us off and you won't get another dime -- and the really vindictive among us will slag you to other customers out on the floor and/or on the internet.

chasman - Very good! You put some deep thought into those very valid points. BRAVO! I don't think I could add anything more.

I nominate chasman for Nobel Prize! Thus far, choices have cast strippers in adverserial light, my choice F is a barb directed as much, if not more towards club mgt than strippers.

F) Understand that we strongly desire value for our money, and that we think more "globally". Fail to provide it, and we can, and will, travel reasonable (and not so reasonable) distances to a club that will.
(Much like "distance is worth the difference in car buying")

1. When I tell you I'm out of money, believe it and don't steer me to the rip-off ATM.
2. I don't want to hear about your break-up with your boyfriend
3. I don't care that you have bills to pay. So do I.
4. Don't whine to me that business is slow. Take that up with the manager.
5. I am here to be entertained. If you are not in the mood to entertain me, please go away.

"When I tell you I'm out of money, believe it and don't steer me to the rip-off ATM."

If you're out of money, why are you still at the club?

"Don't whine to me that business is slow. Take that up with the manager."

Don't ask me how my night's been going and then accuse me of whining when I say that it's been slow.

MIDancer,
you know what one good looking and an experience dancer answered me once to "How is it going tonight?" "Oh, don't worry about me, I always make out like a bandit" and she laughed. What a fresh approach! That really differentiated her from the rest of the dancers. And we as customers do look for something different in our dancers and the answers to the routine questions could by one of those things.

Professor, I make it a policy of mine not to lie about anything... ever. If you ask me a question, I will give an honest response. No girl makes out like a bandit EVERY night. I don't "whine" about it (as in, I won't go on and on about it), nor do I bring up the topic myself. But if asked, I'll answer.

MIDancer,
you are an exceptions that only proves the rule. My proposal of "10 Customer Truths" is a mere summary of the most common things that us, the customers, find annoying in dealing with dancers. This is an attempt to honestly come out and say: we want this and do not want that. What dancers will do with that truth is entirely up to them. I suspect that nothing would change, but it feels good to try...

5. I am a desirable man. Now treat me like you want me for me, not for my money.
4. I am a desirable man. Now treat me like you want me for me, not for my money.
3. I am a desirable man. Now treat me like you want me for me, not for my money.
2. I am a desirable man. Now treat me like you want me for me, not for my money.
1. I am a desirable man. Now treat me like you want me for me, not for my money.

Want a customer truth? YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL! That covers about 99% of what customers wonder about.

Actually it covers a lot of dancers too.

This should not be construed to conflict with the aforementioned fantasy aspect of clubbing, the problem is when you start to believe it.

Believe it? I thought we were just talking about "customer truths" as the title says ...

Well, be that the case, Professor, the problem with number #10 in your initial list (regarding SS), is that most guys believe it's SS no matter what you tell them. For example, I have no kids, I have a college degree from a Big Ten university, my boyfriend doesn't beat me (nor is he unemployed), I don't do hardcore drugs, my parents are still married, my dad's the best dad you could ever hope for, I've never been raped/molested/sexually abused, and I grew up in upper-middle class suburbia. Of course, when all that gets relayed to a customer (generally by questions asked by HIM), I'm apparently full of shit; "Well, then how did you end up doing THIS?" Because, jackass, my parents didn't spoil me rotten, and I had to pay for my living expenses while in college. I continue to dance because I have four years of school left (Master's and PhD). "Yeah Right." (And this is generally when I leave the table).

Hi MIDancer,

Yes, there was a dancer telling me she is an "avid" reader and just looking at her, I'm think NO WAY someone as hot as you is wasting time reading a lot of books. Boy, was she ever telling the truth. Her memory was just something else and the way she was able to discuss different parts of different books it was a real pleasure to talk with her. She said not much in the way of sci fi, but she had me beat there as well and an obscure favorite turned out to be a top book for her as well.

I don't think I've had more fun on a regular date. She did have the dead beat loser boyfriend she was trying to save, but heck she was fairly young and very bright so she will probably adapt just fine. I'd faint if she could somehow actually save him.

jablake: Avid reader here as well (my degree's in English).

MIDancer: You sound better all the time! Did you ever disclose the club that you dance at? If you are dancing in the general area of Detroit, maybe you could be the hostess for the Detroit area TUSCL convention!

Hi MIDancer,

Having a degree in English means you probably have also read many more books than I have. I had thought I was an avid reader until I met her. :) Her goal is to be a teacher and I'd be surprised if she wasn't successful no matter what she decides to do. That is with the exception of trying to save lost souls.

Probably the best part of stripclubbing for me is meeting people that stand out for one reason or another. Even better is when there seems to be some connection for whatever reason.

Well as the manager told me that is one dancer he doesn't want to hear any complaints about. Just a pleasure to be around. I watched her with other customers and of course she has the advantage of looks, but she seemed to be able to really communicate with different kinds of people so effectively.

If you were money hungry, then I'd scream LAW SCHOOL. What a criminal enterprise. :)

MIDancer,
I get your point that most of the guys are idiots to start with and would not know the truth from a lie. I can even see that at some point it would discourage a dancer from telling the truth because it may hurt the business. But how does your policy of telling the truth works if you need to create a sexual fantasy and the guy, for instance, a bold, overweight shrimp with bad breath etc, so it is almost impossible to find anything attractive about him? I remember your average is 20-25 LD per shift plus 1/2 - 1 hour in VIP so your policy works, but how is it applied?

I don't need to lie to build a fantasy. If compliments are needed to persuade a particular customer, I'll find something that I genuinely like (a nice shirt perhaps, or pretty eyes, or a great sense of humor, etc...). If I cannot find a SINGLE nice thing to say, then I probably don't want to be dancing for that individual anyway.

Now, if a customer starts asking personal questions regarding, say, my relationship status or sexual orientation, I'll tell him/her the truth. In most cases, I have my customer in the VIP area before such questions are able to arise (I don't spend a great deal of time sitting an chatting; if I do sit, it's generally for a single song or less). If the customer makes it obvious that he/she doesn't like my answers, I'll simply tell him/her that I don't recommend asking questions to which you may recieve an unfavorable answer in a strip club. That usually quiets them a bit, and if they've liked the dances I've provided up to that point, they generally keep buying.

Then, of course, there are the customers that simply don't care to know ANYTHING about your personal life: the typical "high rollers," if you will. These are the type of customers that you don't have to impress, or build a fantasy for; they're generally too busy demonstrating their social prestige (and will tip you generously just for just sitting and looking pretty at their table).

jablake: I have too many ethical objections with regard to all facets of practicing law to be a lawyer. I'm looking to one day teach at the collegiate level.

DougS: I'm currently living in Florida, and won't be returning to Michigan until late next spring. I have yet to decide if I will continue dancing at that point.

God, I wish there was an edit feature:

*If the customer makes it obvious that he/she doesn't like my answers, I'll simply tell him/her that I don't recommend asking questions to which you may recieve unfavorable answers while in a strip club.

(Sorry, the sentence just didn't sound right the first time around).

MIDancer,
interesting approach, learned something new today. You being different from the what we perceive to be a generalized image of a dancer wins our admiration. Though some may still think your replies are just some twisted SS, just kidding :)

Sounds good to me MIDancer. :)

I don't want to get any further off subject or I'd ask more non-stripclub related questions of you. Almost everything I see with regards to the law seems totally repugnant and vicious.

Good luck with your future career. :)

MI Dancer is a real winner. Good luck. I mean it.

Actually I think there are a lot of dancers much like MIDancer out there. If I didn't think so I would have quit clubbing a long time ago.