Does jealousy make you MORE or LESS likely to cheat?
misterorange
Kamala, you're FIRED!
I've been married to my 2nd wife for 15 years. We still love each other in our own way, but it's far from a traditional relationship. We have separate residences. She lives in a house and I mostly stay at our old condo we had before we bought the house. I never even moved into the house. I have a drawer and a closet with some extra clothes. We get together on weekends at her place and always have a good time. I keep my Harley in her garage. It's a long story.
Okay, so maybe a year after we got married I started a new management job. It was something I was qualified for, but in an industry I knew nothing about. Very challenging for me career-wise. I needed to build professional relationships with people who could show me the ropes.
We had a week long training program for some new initiative the company was taking on, and it was mandatory that all managers attend, at the Mohegan Sun casino resort in Connecticut, about a 3 hour drive from where I lived and worked. I had formed a completely professional and platonic relationship with a female manager that had tons of experience at the company, was well respected, and also very married. She asked if I could drive her up there, and I agreed. Seemed like a good networking opportunity.
When I told my wife I'd be driving her to the training, she seemed uncomfortable but didn't say much. As luck would have it, my wife and I happened to run into this woman at a supermarket check-out counter a few days before we were scheduled to leave for the training. I'm not shitting you, my wife was a TOTAL FOX and this other woman was a Plain Jane. Even worse, she had a body like a tree stump and a face that, at best, wasn't ugly. The next few days were nearly unbearable for me. Wife flat out said I was a jerk for "going on vacation" with another woman. WTF?
We had a lot of laughs on the drive, but the first two days of training I never even saw the woman. We were in different groups and real busy. The third night we all had some time off and I hit the blackjack tables all alone, which is how I like to play. Out of nowhere she sidled up next to me. I was doing well and had a good amount of chips in front of me. We were both pretty drunk and she starts complementing me on my gambling abilities and hanging on my arm - totally superficial approach but it worked. We ended up going back to her room, and she fucked the hell out of me that night... and every night thereafter until we left.
We drove home together, and except for a really passionate kissing session when I dropped her off, we never spoke of it again. Went back to the professional relationship we had before. My wife never found out about it. I swear, if my wife hadn't been so ridiculously jealous about me sharing a ride with my co-worker, I'm sure I would have resisted her advances. I wasn't even attracted to her except for my wife being jealous about it.
By the way, I ended up winning about $2,000 at blackjack and spent almost all of it buying gifts for my wife. She was still pissed off.
Am I the asshole?
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@minnow - It's not like I obsess over it, but it does pop into my head from time to time. Perhaps because it was the only time I cheated with a woman that was part of my "regular" life (a non-pro).
As we all know, whatever happens in the VIP or OTC with strippers ain't really cheating!
While it's utterly none of my business, @Orange did ask for feedback.
I think 99% + of women would feel repulsed and angry at the idea of having their husband go on a weekend trip with another woman. Her reaction isn't so much jealousy as it is open and in-your-face disrespect for her and the wedding vows. OTOH, I think most marriages could survive the act of getting drunk and banging some unattractive skank and co-worker.
Some professional couples live apart because of job constraints -- but I get the idea that's not the case here. If I had to guess, @Orange is on his way to divorce number two.
She was an assholish for thinking it was avoidable for you to do the same things with a female co-worker that you'd do with a male one. If you and your wife promised to be exclusive with each other, you were a asshole for breaking your promise, regardless of any gifts you bought her to feel less guilty about it. Like our moms told us, two wrongs don't make a right. You were also an asshole for not admitting what happened, and asking for forgiveness. But I'd be an asshole for wagging a finger at you for that. Before we got married, I told my wife that I wasn't sure it would work, or that marriage in general would work for me. But she said, lets take our shot. When our sex life fizzled out, I said, looks like it hasn't worked, and she had a major meltdown. So I stayed with her and started seeing escorts. I just said I had to work late sometimes (which I often actually did), but she knew what was going on. We were together for more than 15 years, we had bad times, but many good times too.
A couple, married or not, has the right to live however the fuck they want. Cause Murica.
I guess my thing on cheating is that it seems the biggest cheaters (males and females both) seem to get extra controlling and possessive of the other party. Like “I’m going to do xyz but you better not even be talking about the weather with that person over there!” The healthiest thing would be some form of agreed upon non-monogamy but the next best is to just at least have a more permissive attitude on things you might suspect sheesh. At least in my opinion.
I feel like I’m wading into a can of worms and may end up in some flame war against some dude bro who is going to come after me that it’s natural for men and whorish for women so I don’t want to be in this discussion too long but meeeeh 🤷🏻♀️
Once when my wife was pissed at me, she threatened to go to a bar and hook up. I told her that was fine if that's what she needed to do to be happy. I don't think she did, but I wouldn't blame her if she had, as I wasn't doing my husbandly duties as she called them. So no nicespice, don't put us all in the double standard bin. I felt bad about my wife's situation, so I got practiced at giving back rubs, many of my favs can vouch that I got pretty good at it.