BUSTED

My friend and I are at the Urinals peeing at Rockingham Race Track in the 1980's. We notice two guys in a stall facing each other. A cop walks in, kicks open the door, and yells you're under arrest. One male pushes him away and runs out the door with the cop in hot pursuit. The other male walks out, goes towards the radiator and appears to drop something behind it. We leave, get 10 feet away and my buddy says: "I just can't, I gotta go back, yell if you see cops. He returns and we leave. Get in the car and he pulls 1/2 ounce of cocaine out of his pocket. Must have been the dealer's stash because its the purest we've ever seen. Neither of us really cared so we did a few gum numbers, snorted a couple of lines, went to a party and brought home some women in a cocaine version of pay for play.

Senior year of college (2004) and I decided last minute to go to a Halloween party at a local bar. Since it was 5pm on the day of the party and I didn't feel like heading to the store to buy some lame costume, I went out to the garage to see if I could find anything to make a costume from. My former roommate who moved out over the summer ran a plumbing company with his brother and they were storing a bunch of supplies in there so a "bright idea" popped into my head and I got to work cutting up a bunch of 1 1/2" pvc pipe and some wires.

A few hours later I get parked at the church across from the bar where the party is being held and start putting on my new suicide vest costume as I cross the street. Next thing I know I see red and blue lights flashing and as I look to my right two cops are jumping out of their car with the guns drawn yelling at me to get on the ground.

I spent the next 45 minutes laying face down in the middle of 6th street while the cops keep their guns drawn but stay 25 feet away from me as more cops and first responders show up and clear everyone out of the bar through the back.

Eventually the bomb squad shows up and after 30 more minutes they decide the "bomb" wasn't dangerous. I still got taken to the station and booked for disorderly conduct because my costume "incited public panic."

The charge got thrown out by a judge 6 weeks later but it still wound up costing me over a grand in attorney fees.

1987. I had just joined the Army National Guard. I think it was my 2nd weekend drill so I didn't know shit about anything yet. I volunteered to go down to Fort Dix, NJ on an advance party with a couple of Sergeants, so we left Friday morning, with the rest of the unit coming on Saturday for training. We finished all the preparation stuff we had to do by mid-afternoon, and decided to go next door to McGuire Air Force Base because their dining facility was like a gourmet restaurant compared to Army chow.

Leaving the mess hall we see a C-141 parked on the tarmac about 50 yards away with one of those moveable stair things pushed up to it. Bunch of guys working on the plane, maintenance I guess. There wasn't really a fence, just like stanchions with droopy chains hanging in between, and signs that said something like "Do Not Cross - Authorized Personnel Only." Fuck that, we wanted to check out the plane so we just stepped over the chain, walked over to it, and up the stairs. We were in uniform so what are they gonna say, right?

We get on board and start looking around. After a couple minutes one of the guys asks for our passes or badges or something. We were honest and said we just wanted to see the aircraft. He was like, "You can't be here. You better get off." No problem, we went back to the door and started down the steps. By the time we're halfway down, there's four MP vehicles converging on the plane, two from one direction and two from the other. They get out with guns drawn and start yelling for us to get down on the ground.

We were handcuffed, frisked and separated into different vehicles. Next thing I know I'm sitting at a table in a small room inside a hangar, still cuffed behind my back, with an officer interrogating me and an MP standing by with a loaded M-16 at the ready. I assumed my Sergeant buddies were getting the same welcome reception in other rooms. Found out later, they were.

Well, long story short, we all gave the same honest albeit ridiculous explanation. After a call to our Battalion Commander, they were satisfied that we weren't a threat, just three morons who did something dumb. Then they got us back together and actually took us on board a different plane and gave us a little tour of the maintenance facility. Our BC wasn't as forgiving. We spent the next couple of drills staying back at the armory, cleaning weapons and mopping floors.

Arrested a couple times for doing stupid shit while drunk. Pure luck I was never arrested for drunk driving or had a serious accident. I used to drink a lot but don’t and can’t anymore. I’ll have a beer or 2 occasionally, but never get drunk anymore.

This story isn’t from a strip club - but from a work trip. I used to travel to Austin Texas on business frequently. I was at a Dell office toward the end of the work day, and some folks began to leave. We were traveling and still in a meeting room - with windows looking out to the parking lot.

The executive we traveled with decided to leave and he starts walking to the parking lot. As he gets to the lot - a bunch of unmarked cars swarm near him - and cops jump out with guns drawn. They take a guy down hard - a few feet away from this executive. Evidently the guy they took down was wanted on several warrants - and he was employed as a temp at a finance company!

It was hilarious to see our prissy male executive trying to act cool after seeing the horror in his face.

I got arrested in florida and jailed during spring break one year (1978). I found out 3 things: 1) Being honest pays because I missed a mid-term, told the professor I missed it because I was in jail; he let me take it over with a 1 grade deduction, so I got B and he wrote a great recommendation for law school; 2) smoking weed in a rolled up paper towel with 2 other handcuffed criminals in a locked bathroom in jail makes the police really mad; and 3) No matter how badly you have to take a shit, you can hold it for 12 hours if your other option is an open hole in the floor of the cell you are sharing with 50 people and no toilet paper.

P.S. I got to go to beach court jail on easter sunday.

Back in the 70's when I was in my 20's I attended a house party in Seal Beach CA. There were about 15 of us...men and women. Lots of drinking and some pot smoking. Around 1AM we thought that it would be a good idea to walk the block to the ocean and go skinny dipping. One of the gals was about 6 or 7 months pregnant and we even took the dog, a full grown Great Dane.

About half of us were naked and in the water when 2 police arrived and using a large spot light ordered all of us out of the water. They said they were going to arrest us and called for help. There were too many of us for the Seal Beach jail. They would have to take us to county jail. So they called for back up.

Fortunately the 2 new officers to arrive knew the couple who's house we were having the party at and talked the original 2 to just let us go with a warning. And they did.

One guy managed to escape the order to come out of the water. He managed to work himself down the beach and stay there until the police had left. He showed backup at the house 30 minutes later wearing sea weed to cover himself.

The good ole days...