• discussions >
• Front Room

A Fine Bottom Line?

reverendhornibastard

Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy

Some people believe “progress” means, among other things, an increasing number of people of color who are lifted out of poverty and who can begin to enjoy their fair share of the American dream.

Oddly, when poor people of color are not “lifted” out of poverty by the folks who espouse progressive values and, instead, “lift themselves out of poverty” through their own hard work, progressives often take offense.

“How dare those darkies … I mean, those people of color ... lift themselves out of poverty on their own instead of waiting for us to do it for them!”

Well, I am a person of color who used to be poor but who is now luxuriating in high cotton. 

Take it from me, having more than enough money certainly beats the hell out of not having enough funds to buy seedless grapes at the grocery store.

I remember those days very well and I don’t miss them!

The changes in my financial circumstances occurred very gradually. I was so busy working my ass off that I hardly noticed the improvements in my circumstances from day to day.  I continued to think of myself as poor until, one evening as I sat beside my swimming pool behind my large home in suburban Dallas and, when the gate swung open as Mrs. Hornibastard #2 pulled into the driveway in her Mercedes, it suddenly dawned on me that I wasn’t poor anymore.

I had another one of those “eureka!” moments last week.  

I’ve used financial advisors to manage my investments for between 15 and 20 years.  In all those years, the individuals who provided those services were men.  Although I still use the same investment bank as I have used for years, one of the financial advisors assigned to my accounts is new to the team.

And she is drop dead gorgeous! 

We will call her “Laura.”

I normally don’t look forward to meetings with my financial advisors.  I find these financial updates and reviews mind-numbingly dull.  It doesn’t matter if the news is good.  It still bores me.

But Laura was a participant and the primary presenter in the Webex financial update and review meeting last week. 

There is something irresistible about a gorgeous young white woman with long, luxuriant dark hair, an angelic face and who knows more about my financial situation than I do telling me I have nothing to worry about financially. 

I could only see her from the waist up in the Webex meeting and she was dressed conservatively, much as you might expect a financial advisor to dress.  But I imagined that her bottom line was much more delicate and appealing than mine.

https://tuscl.net/photo/5790

When the pandemic is over, I might insist on a financial update and review delivered poolside.

Or better yet … in the sauna!