ROLE PLAYING
Role playing sexual escapades: Have you ever role played a sexual experience with a dancer, wife, girfriend?
I had been promising my lady friend (GFE) that I would give her a "couch dance" in her apartment, acting as a male stripper. Last Tuesday, she got her wish! I started out bare chested wearing shorts and a thong underneath. I gave her money to tip me with. I put the TV on a good music channel and situated her on the couch. After about 3 songs, we had finished and she wanted to reciprocate. Therefore, she went and put on a black fishnet body stocking with open crotch. She happened to purchase this piece of attire for my surprise.
To make a long story short..... this role playing for each other turned out to be a 4 1/2 hour sexual marathon for us. And I thank G_D for Viagra!!!
We both have no problems turning each other on at any given time and have never experienced bordem in lovemaking. But, after last Tuesday, we're beginning to think about more role playing situations.
I had been promising my lady friend (GFE) that I would give her a "couch dance" in her apartment, acting as a male stripper. Last Tuesday, she got her wish! I started out bare chested wearing shorts and a thong underneath. I gave her money to tip me with. I put the TV on a good music channel and situated her on the couch. After about 3 songs, we had finished and she wanted to reciprocate. Therefore, she went and put on a black fishnet body stocking with open crotch. She happened to purchase this piece of attire for my surprise.
To make a long story short..... this role playing for each other turned out to be a 4 1/2 hour sexual marathon for us. And I thank G_D for Viagra!!!
We both have no problems turning each other on at any given time and have never experienced bordem in lovemaking. But, after last Tuesday, we're beginning to think about more role playing situations.
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>One night when my fave was wearing her plaid schoolgirl skirt and ponytail, I asked her out of the blue how come she always got straight As but never took any books home from school. She smiled and said, "I fuck my teachers." That set off a long role playing Q & A that we made up as we went along. From then on, each time I saw her, I was her teacher and she was the slutty student who would do anything for good grades. The storyline would be different each time. I'd keep her after school, or she'd ask me what she had to do to get an A plus on her report card.
Another fave played the role of my secretary who couldn't type or even make coffee. Some nights, the scenario was a job interview where she would show me some of the talents she could bring to the office. Or I would have to discipline her for offering to show her pussy to waiting clients instead of offering them a beverage. Bad secretary!
With most girls, it never develops into full-blown roles with backstories and all that. It's just a funny take on a situation that we riff on together for a few minutes, then maybe pick up again later. It's always spontaneous, never a matter of saying, "Okay, now let's adopt fantasy roles. I'll be a pirate, and you'll....." The thing is, for me at least, it's not much of a leap from the way I interact with any stripper who has a sense of fun. They already get to play a role anyway. Playing customer with a wallet gets kind of old.<
I think more people (men & women) would enjoy a little role playing in their sex lives, if not just to keep the home fires burning. I mean as human beings, our imaginations can stretch very far.
I know, it's not necessarily true, this feeling. But it's what "pops up" in my head as my sensation, if she's silly when I don't want silly.
I hadn't thought of that one in years until my recent Tijuana trip. But as a young lawyer I had a half-Peruvian girlfriend who found it entertaining.
Instituting role play in a relationship, ITC or OTC, doesn't mean that sexual relations with that favorite person, i.e., wife, g/f, whoever, is getting boring. I will admit, it helps if the relationship does get boring, but is also fun with a healthy relationship.
Well, that's not my alternative to silly. I just don't want to be belittled. I don't think it's that I'm "wracked by insecurity about sex" and there have been times in my life when the silliness was enjoyable to me, too. Just not the first few times with a new partner -- then, on those occasions, it's all about "oh my God I gotta have you." Kind of serious, desperate, horny, animalistic. Not to say it isn't capable of being silly in the longer run, of course. I don't object to silliness as a concept, just as an imposition when I don't happen to want it. I would never say it's humorless or perfectly dignified -- being an animal isn't dignified at all! :) That's half the enjoyment.
So, if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I'd have to say that insecurity about SEX isn't the thing which turns me mildly away from silliness for the initial episodes with a new partner; it's more, insecurity about POWER, since I want to be in charge, and I want her to be as desperate as I am for sexual activity, and therefore I don't want her to belittle me. Insecurity about my desirability being belittled by a woman -- that's certainly a fair analysis. Yup, I'm insecure, I admit it. :) But knowing that doesn't drive me to silliness, nope.
Like I said earlier, if it's as conscious as saying, "Let's now put on costumes and adopt fantasy roles," that ain't my bag. However, if I'm turned on by what she wears, and it happens to work into some role playing dialog, I'm game.
And indeed, it is "all" role playing; and "none" of it is role playing, too.
>Yes, Chitown, power imbalance is a huge turn-on as part of a sick role playing scenario.<
I didn't mean that at all judgmentally, simply as an observation. "Power imbalance" is always assumed to be a bad thing, but it really does spice up an encounter. I've known a few strippers who appreciated it. One told me about an older neighbor of her mom's who discovered that she was stripping. He invited her over to "use the pool", implying that if she did and lost her top, he wouldn't tell her mom about her secret. When she told me about this I said what a creep, then I said, "But you know, hearing that really turns me on, the power imbalance." And she replied, "Yeah, I know. The guy really turned me off, and I hated being in that position, but I get aroused telling about it." (What a girl!) Her real life dilemma happened to be an ideal role playing scenario.
A power imbalance is certainly bad when used to take unfair advantage in real life. It can be tantamount to rape. I'm not at all into any kind of rape fantasy, but almost all good role playing involves situations like Marine/insurgent or teacher/student. They sort of clarify things, I guess. I don't know how to analyze it, except that maybe the imbalance allows the weaker party to submit to acts they always wanted to do. It just feels good in an amoral, liberating way. (God, I feel like my explanation is only making it sound worse.) Humor plays a big part in it all. Same for "sick". I meant it as "twisted in a good way", or at least a way that feels good. You know, the way all the kids are saying it.
From his post about how and what he role plays could be a bad xerox copy of any bullshit Penthouse Forum story. Big imagination there.
Nice try hiding from your disgraced ID with another name switch, Parodyman/Badboy/Apesht. Amazing how slow these trolls are to learn that we can click IGNORE as fast as they can sneak back and try to disrupt our discussions.
Chandler, I'm curious about what you mean by "unfair" advantage above. Is the fact that she's gorgeous give her an unfair advantage over me? Is my having money that she needs unfair to her? Seems to me that "fairness" is in the eyes of the beholder, especially in a strip club environment. "All's fair in love ..."
FONDL, I was referring to taking unfair advantage of a power imbalance, such as teacher/student, employer/secretary, President/intern. Fun for role playing, bad for real life. If a girl takes unfair advantage of her beauty with me in a way that's tantamount to rape, I won't press charges.
I, too, want to feel, for a little bit, that she's "into me."
But at the same time, I happen to hate situations at typical "locals" clubs where the girls spend most of their time "partying" rather than working. They hang with their high-school classmates, then during the 2-for-1 they wearily get up and troll the room once. If I want a dance, they "let" me pay for it, give a weak performance, and then return to acting like this isn't a work night. With some men they simply sit around and genuinely act like the men's company. This situation makes me cringe, whether or not I'm one of the guys having a good time with the girls. It's just so LAZY and LAME on the girls' part -- they aren't doing anything to improve my night, and they don't act like they know what the standards of performance at a "real" strip club would be like.
So, part of me likes a set-up where the girls behave as though they are there for the company not the money. But another part of me really dislikes it.
Sorry, left something out of that sentence.
While I buy into the suspension of disbelief, I can't help slipping in and out of it. With a stripper, I don't try to absolutely tune out the reality of our customer/stripper relationship. To always do that would be a bit more straitlaced than I'm comfortable with. I can't help but make fun of the artifice and move beyond it to more playful fantasies, including light role playing. That's all I meant when I said I "can never fool myself into believing I'm anything but a customer."
But aside from those experiences, I can also, almost never, "fool myself" into believing I'm anything but a customer. This is good -- strong grip on reality. It's bad -- weak imagination. It's good -- won't fall in unrequited "love" and become a sucker. It's bad -- won't fall in "love" and enjoy myself.
Oh, certainly, yes yes. But I don't fall in love with my car salesman either. "Good attitude" isn't necessarily "get an Oscar for brilliant portrayal that utterly fools me into believing I actually DO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND IT IS HER."
Although it's true that a car showroom has its own set of illusions and feigned friendliness, I think the fact that displays of affection and intimacy are the product puts strip clubs in a whole other category.
So, their very identity is at question. Do they REALLY like me? And therefore, are they REALLY "likeable" and am *I* really likeable and so on. These questions are harder to deal with, when the product and its salesperson are one and the same.
I don't actually think most strippers "like" their jobs, but they don't "dislike" them any more than your average McDonald's worker "dislikes" his or her job. (I'm guessing, here.) Different women, different situations, there will be different levels of pleasure or pain. I'm sure there are a few "happy hookers" out there who genuinely love a lot of the aspects -- pleasing other people, meeting a variety of human types, being ooh'ed and aah'ed over, honing their dance skills, getting plenty of money for what "feels" like very little effort, having flexible hours and an opportunity to build their own career, little educational or certification requirement. From an objective point of view, much of that (IF it's actually true for a given stripper) is a rather good deal, as far as many work situations go. Beats the heck out of other manual labor without benefits.
But then, I'm sure plenty of girls are acting a LOT more pleased with the situation than they actually ARE. I had one of those "up close and personal" experiences with a hottie recently, in which we "hit it off" on the rapport-meter, and then I allowed myself to fondle her for an exorbitant fee, too. I genuinely BELIEVE, in REAL-WORLD civilian terms, that she "liked" me and finds me attractive. I think that IF we had met in a situation in which the rapport could have been established OUTSIDE of a strip club, the two of us would have wanted to jump one another sexually, she might have "made me wait" and there might have been social difficulties about who made the first move or who was supposed to call whom back, but eventually we'd both "have the hots" for one another, make out, hook up, become a romantic couple. At least, that possibility WOULD have existed, because, and I REALLY believe this, she found me attractive. But of course, BECAUSE we met in a strip club, I knew that I wouldn't be able to pursue that -- at least, not on the basis of our club meeting; I'd have had to start over, if I had wanted to pursue her as a "real" girlfriend. So, yes, I DO believe that it CAN happen that she "wants" to be with me or many of her other customers.
But then, I'm a "good customer" (or, at least, I was that night). I'm younger, better looking than many men, better dressed, I have more disposable cash than the conformist college boys who arrive and make drunken fools of themselves. I know how and when to shave, behave with respect, keep up appearances, don't get all gropey, all that stuff. As a mildly older male, I provide her with a lot of the stuff that she would want in any relationship -- more of the 'experience' that plenty of her customers DON'T have. I think most TUSCL readers are probably like this. We've been at the strip club game long enough to know how to avoid the typical pitfalls into which so many newbie customers might fall.
This suggests to me, that yes, she REALLY enjoyed the experience. Not JUST for the money. She 'wanted' to be there, found me 'truly' attractive -- enough (not splendiferously; just, to enough of a degree) -- and therefore, the "fantasy" has a LARGE dose of reality.
Which is what makes it better, and worse, for me. I don't believe she and I will ever hook up. I won't try to make it happen. I'm capable of backing away from the experience, and saying to myself, "You met her in a strip club. You know very little about her. Her life is likely going to soon turn down a few corners where you'd rather not go. And anyway, she now has to view you, by definition, as a customer first, which pretty much scotches your chance of ever having a civilian relationship with her." I can keep that in my mind long enough to go fuck an AMP provider, or at least get an intense lapper at another club so that my brain stops obsessing over the first provider.
But does that mean, the "fantasy" was ALL fantasy? No, I don't think so. I know enough strippers in their non-strip-club lives to know, that what they positively respond to is the same as what all female humans do, give or take, within normal limits. It's not like they can turn themselves into automatons -- or, at least, only the most jaded can, and even then, the act is pretty easy to discern.
But that means, as I said, I love it more, and hate it more. I've just deliberately walked away from a woman whom I could have hooked up with, IF ONLY my life circumstances and hers were ever so slightly different, IF ONLY the social gulf had been breached in a different manner than the obvious one, of me being a customer of hers at a strip club. I haven't ever, in my life, crossed that social gulf in a manner that enables civilian relationship, not with any woman whom I'd like to have a relationship with; so I don't really know what it's like, to have that "rapport tactic" with someone you want to have it with. That's why it's rather more painful for me to find a "great connection" with a woman but only in a fantasy context, and to believe that it is genuinely reciprocated -- I feel all the more the lack of it in my real life.
I think a lot of girls like it less than they let on. If the question is, how much of it is role playing, then I'm going to have to say that a good solid 50%, at least, and that's for 90% of the girls doing the work. They've been plying men with their charms all their adolescent lives, and a lot of that isn't necessarily about what they like or dislike doing. So, when they start doing it for money in a strip club, are they thinking, "Yeah, I REALLY ENJOY finding out whether the fat guy prefers me to waggle my ass or to just bend over; yeah I REALLY want to undergo the FUN process of FINDING OUT whether to touch him on his arm or his leg"? No, I don't think so. It's not "fascinating" to them the way that computer programming is "fascinating" to someone who does C++ in his spare time "just to see" whether or not he can get his compiler to turn red and green automatically.
And some are disgusted by the whole thing. Getting jaded about it is one thing; being older and worried about long-term career prospects is probably another thing that gets in their craw. And aside from those rather more cerebral responses, can't they just find someone to be too alcohol-smelling, too hairy, too ugly, too fat? What about someone who is just boring? I guess some girls would find that to be an "opportunity" to bring light and enjoyment into even the darkest corner, but most would just find it a downer.
So, yeah, there's levels of fantasy and reality. I guess we all knew that already. OK I'll shut up now. G'nite ...
No, seriously, I don't know about all the minutiae of what strippers think. The point is merely that they create an illusion, intentionally or not, that we uncritically accept as customers, including those who say they aren't into the fantasy.
*duck*
:)
Another reason that I like the OTC choice. There's no chance she's saying those things about me, since there's no one else to tell. (yeah, there's a chance that I become one of those losers when she's not OTC with me, but at least I don't see it happening)
I've often done the same thing in a strip club and found that it worked equally well. I'd pretend that I was new at strip clubbing and didn't know much about them. Girls often went out of their way to "educate" me. Try it sometime when you're in a new club, you might be amazed at how much fun it is.
"Wow! Are you really a stripper? But you're so young and pretty. I thought all strippers were worn out old skanks."
"So how does this work? You rub your sweet, luscious body all over mine and I give you money? Awesome."
I've found that downplaying your knowledge works well in other life situations too. It's amazing what some people will tell you when they don't think you understand anything about a topic. People like to show off their knowledge. It's also a good way to spot the bullshitters. Plus it's always been easy for me to appear to be naive, I look the part. I like to be underestimated, it can be a real advantage in many situations.