Talking dog
TheeOSU
FUCK IT!
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep, the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the owner says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that crap."
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep, the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the owner says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that crap."
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5 comments
I bet he even did a gangbang with some other posters at one of the TUSCL meet ups... Bitches love gang bangs.
A bum is desperate to get a drink, and he walks into a bar with his dog. He tells the bartender his dog can talk, and asks for a drink to show it.
Bartender of course tells the bum he has to prove it first. The bum asks his dog, "how has life been for us lately, buddy?" "Ruff, Ruff" says the dog.
The bum asks his dog "What do you call what covers the ceiling ? "Roof Roof" says the dog.
The bum finally asks the dog "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?" "RUTH RUTH" !!!! says the dog.
The Bartender tells the bum, "Get the fuck out of here and take the dog with you". He throws them out aggressively and slams the door of the tavern shut.
The dog looks up at his master with sad eyes and says "So should I should have told him it was Joe DiMaggio "?