Gotta love those escort ads.

PORTSMOUTH — A woman who described herself as an exotic dancer called the police on Sunday to report a theft she claimed occurred when a resident ordered a dance, but refused to answer his door when she arrived. The police call was made at 9:41 p.m. by the dancer who said she wanted to report a theft of services because of the would-be customer's refusal to open his door. Police Capt. Mike Schwartz said an officer was dispatched to the residence and the man didn't answer the door for the officer either. But Schwartz disputed the woman's claim that a theft had occurred. “She never danced, so I would be hard pressed to say it was theft of services,” Schwartz said. “Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer....” The police captain also speculated about what may have occurred. “I guess there are some people who would have a better dance than others,” he said. “Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn't answer the door either.” Schwartz said the responding officer determined no crime had occurred and that the dancer could pursue her complaint civilly.