When is it over?

2 comments

• Book Guy

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  18 years ago

  When you hear about violence or drug addiction problems in her past (or present) relationships.
  
  That's just a warning bell for me. It means, the girl is "opening up" to you to tell you about her dysfunctional patterns. Either she will expect you to replicate those patterns (and when you don't, even though her response may be against her best intentions and interests, she will find you less than manly). Or she will expect you to be her "savior" from those patterns (and when you try, she will find you appealing for a little bit, and then behind your back will likely return to those patterns but use you and your resources as an enabling mechanism, thus bleeding you dry financially while also in the act of exacerbating her experience with violence at the hands of other men).
  
  This is basically straight from "Games People Play" and "Dealing with Problem People."
  
  There is the off-off-off-off-chance that you WILL be her savior and that her capacity to change patterns into something non-violent or non-addicted will be enabled by you. In which case, you should chalk it up as a one-in-a-million outcome. But it's always the dream, isn't it. :)
  
• FONDL

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  18 years ago

  When she stops treating you the way you want to be treated, in spite of you having made it quite clear how you like to be treated, then it's over. The reason isn't important, you're there to have fun and when the fun begins to decline it's time to move on.