Have you hear that old saying...

georgmicrodong
Just a fat, creepy old pervert.
...about there being no such thing as a bad blow job?

Wrong.

Went to a club for lunch and met a new girl. We agreed on stuff, and went back. No skills whatsoever. I realize that wearing a condom makes it a little harder for her, but this girl not only barely put any in her mouth, but also didn't move more than about an eighth of an inch. No tongue, no sucking, no hands, nothing about it was going to garner any kind of result whatsoever.

So after about 45 seconds, which was frankly about 30 seconds longer than I should have given her, I asked if that was gonna be it. I tried to tell her what I wanted, but after a few strokes, she'd go right back to the wrong stuff. Finally I just told her it wasn't going to work. She agreed to fuck me for the same price, so it wasnt a complete loss.

Anybody else ever get something so totally worthless that there was no chance of getting off, aside from taking over yourself?

9 comments

Latest

Prim0
14 years ago
There were a few bad bjs in my earlier days...and now that I'm married to come to think of it!
shadowcat
14 years ago
Just tell her that "blow"is just an expression.
troop
14 years ago
no doubt i'm in the minority here.. although they can be pleasureable, i've never been a big fan of blowjobs, i prefer to get laid.

georg.. i think you got the better part of that deal when she let you fuck her.
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
Prim0: Not much to complain about that around my house. My wife gives *great* head, slow, sensuous, deep ('course, with me, that's not saying much), and doesn't stop when I get off; didn't even before I started wearing condoms. 20 or 30 minutes at a time was not unusual. Between her and My Favorite Cocksucker, maybe I'm spoiled. :)

'cat: If she'd done *that* much, it would have been an improvement.

troop: To each his own. From someone who's paying attention, and likes what she's doing, it's awesome. From this girl, I absolutely got the better part of the deal. 'Course, had she not agreed to that, she wouldn't have gotten paid!


My wife's favorite blow job joke:

Why do men like blow jobs so much?
Because it combines their two favorite activities: having sex, and laying around doing nothing.
mmdv26
14 years ago
Went to my favorite Missouri club late this afternoon. With the ominous new law set to take place at midnight, MFCS agreed to $80 bbbj because it might be our last opportunity...ever. She is an oral machine. All I have to do is relax and enjoy it. She's not done 'til I'm done!
CCRiderm
14 years ago
I had a couple up in Toronto last month that were just terrible. They were covered and the girls were just like machines. Once they found out what you wanted and negotiated the fixed price, it was their goal to make it happen as fast as possible.

All I remember from both of them was a really rough bobbing of the head and just unpleasant sensations throughout. I'm wondering why neither of them had friction blisters on their lips!

A thoroughly non GFE experience. I tapped both of them on the back of the head around song 2 and said just forget it. They were that bad.

And yes, there were two as I couldn't believe ANYBODY could be as bad as the first one. I was wrong....
Clubber
14 years ago
It has happened a couple of times. Both were when my regular dancer wasn't in the club and my bartender friend said I might like these dancers. She was incorrect those two times. One of the times she didn't charge me the VIP fee, the other she did. I think it was due to management being around on the one.
samsung1
14 years ago
I have heard that tongue rings are suppose to make oral sex better, but I dislike them getting head from a girl wearing one. I have never felt stimulated by them and worry that my dick will get cut or stuck on it somehow.
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