Psyche!

7/8/2010 1:24:52 AM

So, I'm in another club tonight, and one of my favorites from before the ATF is working there now. She's 23, or claims to be anyway, fairly pretty and does a pretty good job of pretending she's enjoying herself, without going overboard.

Anyway, she recognizes me when I walk in, gives me a hug and asks if I'll buy her a drink, so I do. When the drink comes, she drops the bomb and tells me that she's pregnant, about nine weeks along. Coincidentally, this was just about the last time she and I had fucked. So what do I do? Naturally, I offer my congratulations:

Me: Really? That's great, congratulations! It is "congratulations", right?
Her: Um, it's possible that it's yours.
Me: Nope, don't think so. Remember, I'm the guy who wears a condom when you blow me, much less fuck.
Her: [A little upset] Yeah, but it broke that time, remember?
Me: Um, no, I don't remember any time that it broke. (I truly don't)
Her: [A little more upset] Yeah, it did. Don't you remember me getting pissed about cleaning up?
Me: Nope, and besides, even if it did break, I've been shootin' blanks since you were in second grade.
Her: ...
Me: Sorry, sweetheart.

To be fair, she looked like she might actually have believes that it could be mine. She was pretty crestfallen when I told her, but I suppose there's at least as much chance that's because she can't get me for support as it is she just doesn't know who the daddy is. I sincerely hope, for her sake, that it's her husband's, but the way she talked to me, I don't think she believes it is.

I get this checked about every five years, much to my doctor's amusement, so I'm pretty sure I'm still ineffective in this regard. And the last check was just about a year and a half ago. Better dig those results out, eh? :)

27 comments

Latest

SnakePlissken

•

14 years ago

Looks like you know where the next wad of cash for OTC is going.

CTQWERTY

•

14 years ago

Watch out for "The Maury Show".

Player11

•

14 years ago

Now I know why I give them a fake business card.

Dudester

•

14 years ago

Wow !!

SuperDude

•

14 years ago

Can you keep the DNA test away from a wife or SO?

samsung1

•

14 years ago

Interesting story gmd!
Chances are your tax dollars will go to supporting the baby (welfare)

samsung1

•

14 years ago

There is a song called "I Support Single Mothers" by Young Cash featuring T-pain

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

Just to be clear, between the rubber, which, to the best of my recollection, remained fully intact, and the vasectomy I had 15 years ago, there is little chance any child in her body is actually mine. "Insignificant" would not be inappropriate here. The periodic checkups confirm the zero sperm count.

As for your comment about welfare, ss1, no doubt in my mind at all, if if she *did* know who the father is.

vincemichaels

•

14 years ago

good luck, george. Logic tells me it's SS, but if it comes down to it, I hope a DNA test proves her wrong about you being the father.

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

vm: During the period from 1982, when we met, and 1994, when I got snipped, my wife was confirmed pregnant 7 times, with the possibility of 3 more unconfirmed ones. From 1994 to 2006, when I began using condoms with her as well, not a single late period.

Combine that with the other stuff, I ain't worried. She's not going to even get the chance for a DNA sample, once a judge gets a look at *multiple* zero sperm count results.

"The kid is not my son..."

how

•

14 years ago

Is the stripper's name Billie Jean?

shadowcat

•

14 years ago

george, it sounds like you got a botched vasectomy. I have heard of cases where the tubes grew back together. I got mine 33 years ago and the doc put metal caps on the ends of the tubes to make sure this never happens. I only use condoms to prevent STD's.

steve229

•

14 years ago

Tough "break", Georg. (Sorry, couldn't resist)

Prim0

•

14 years ago

I remember reading a similar story a guy posted. In his case, the girl came after him hard, not knowing that he'd had a vasectomy and zero counts for years. He let her talk a lot of shit and take things all the way to court and he seemed to enjoy the entire experience.

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

shadowcat: If my vasectomy was botched, then there was a 10 or 12 year period in which two massively improbable things happened:

1. My wife didn't get pregnant once, not even a late period, though she had ample opportunity.

2. Multiple tests for sperm presence and viability showed as close to zero as it's possible to get. Multiple, because I'm paranoid, and because I too know people for whom it failed.

Mine was cut, cauterized, folded over, and sewn shut. As the years progress, it becomes increasingly unlikely that things will grow spontaneously grow back. It's SS, plain and simple, and even if she does push it, I have the medical evidence to back it up.

Philip A. Stein

•

14 years ago

I wonder if she's even pregnant, she might just be trying to work you for abortion money.

After my vasectomy, they told me I couldn't drive so I rode my bike home.

shadowcat

•

14 years ago

gerorge, I am missing some thing here. If you had a successful vasectomy,why would you need to use a condom with your wife? None of my business but if you care to answer, were the 7 pregnancies terminated or do you have 7 kids?

Dougster

•

14 years ago

This stripper is clearly a) stupid, b) a liar, c) a thief, and d) a whore.

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

shadowcat: Why do I wear a condom with my wife? I fuck stripper-hookers, and I'll do anything I can, short of stopping, to avoid passing anything I accidentally pick up on to her. As for the other, I have 3 children. The others were miscarriages. Early first trimester ones, but they were still very unpleasant.

troop

•

14 years ago

Dougster says:
Posted: 07/08/10

This stripper is clearly a) stupid, b) a liar, c) a thief, and d) a whore.

-------------------------

my guess is all of the above.

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

While certainly true in this case, that's Dougster's response to virtually every post about strippers. And even a *broken* clock is right twice a day...

gatorfan

•

14 years ago

Dougster always says that, it's his motto.

magicrat

•

14 years ago

A favorite of mine has told me stories of more than one stripper she's worked with who told guys she was pregnant, he was the father, and for X# of $, the problem would go away. Of course, the stripper was never pregnant and this was a way to squeeze more $ out of her customer.

dudeanonymous

•

14 years ago

I'm wondering how many other guys have heard this same story from her recently....

georgmicrodong

•

14 years ago

PAS: Hard to tell for sure. There's a bump there that wasn't before, but at only nine weeks, it's a toss up between baby bump and too much ice cream.

jack: I'm guessing *all* of them. :)

Dougster

•

14 years ago

Unfortunately, the only thing smaller and more dysfunctional than gmd's dick is his brain.

Skyrbuoy

•

14 years ago

She should name the baby Houdini

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