Dear Diary,
I got gifted a beautiful hand fan at work the other day. It came as the biggest surprise and will be a prized possession in my life, for the rest of my life. This fan found its way to me through a gentleman who knows my path, sees my goodness, and is supporting me in a way that helps me push my life forward.
He is my “regular”.
Friday night, I walked into the club, having thought about him just before I went in. I said to myself, “if he comes in one more time, I will give him my number”.
I was sporting my new haircut; a shag cut with fringe bangs. I was feeling cute and frisky and spotted him almost immediately after walking onto the floor. He was sitting in my favorite place in the building, he knows why I like it and placed himself perfectly so that I wouldn’t miss him.
A short backstory— I am a creature of comfort when I’m at work. I wear earplugs to help defend myself against the sharp treble, I sit on a rag so my butt sweat doesn’t distract me, I also use a hand fan the majority of my time working. I work hard, so I sweat a lot, and my hand fan helps keep me cool while simultaneously being a good fidget toy. Also, if I’m being honest, my hand fans are chintzy. I buy them off Amazon and I use them as a write off on my taxes.
My regular knows how valuable my hand fans are and he purchased one as a gift for me. It’s titanium, accented by a mother of pearl inlay, and it puts off a decent breeze with its silk folds. It’s heavy and could be used in self defense or tactical situations. He knows that I wear a steel hair stick as a quiet form of self defense and he purchased this fan to play into that.
His thoughtfulness and commitment to some of the things I hold dear to me blew me away that night.
My journey with regulars, over all my years of being an entertainer, has been kind of rocky. My ability to navigate the feelings that are created in the club and maintaining them in a healthy way for both me and my clients was and still kinda is something that escapes me. I always want to give my all when entertaining, but I have to hold back when things have escalated to a certain degree and that is so frustrating, for both parties.
I care a lot about the men who support me in this way, but that caring has to come with a line drawn in the sand.
After my regular gifted me the fan and we exchanged numbers, I had to communicate clearly that the relationship we’ve built is friendly and caring and kind, but can’t become anything more than that. I tried telling him gently and respectfully, but also not beating around the bush. He received it so well and with such understanding. He reassured me that it’s okay and that he just wanted to give me something nice. After I read his response, I felt my shoulders relax and I let out a big sigh of relief.
I‘m beyond grateful for my return clients. They’re the ones who help me on slow nights, they’re the ones who remind me how different I am and why they appreciate me and continue to pay me for my company.
So.. hears to a big gift and a small success in creating and maintaining a healthy, regular relationship.
Well done girl. Enjoy your new fan and enjoy your old regular.
With love always, Infinity 💋
P.S. To all the gents who patronize the club and your favorite girl, I’m thanking you, on behalf of all of us. The Christmas gifts you bring in, the Valentine cards you offer, the flowers, the candy, our favorite things. We see you and we appreciate you more than you know 💓 serious gratitude
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