Dipshit moderators

My previous review was rejected because it “should be a discussion.”

Excellent.

Let’s discuss.

I would like to open a serious dialogue with the community regarding an important question:

What, precisely, constitutes a sufficiently detailed review of a strip club?

I ask because I am attempting to access a four-day trial that requires posting a review.

My first submission was apparently too short.

So I rewrote it.

My second submission was a full paragraph containing roughly five sentences describing the establishment.

That submission was rejected because it “should be a discussion.”

So here we fucking are.

A discussion.

Gentlemen, I open the floor.

When reviewing a strip club, what level of detail are we expected to provide?

Are we reviewing the overall establishment?

Or are we expected to conduct individual performance evaluations?

Should I be taking notes?

Should I have a clipboard?

Are there standardized metrics?

For example, should reviews include:

• Titties Per Dollar (TPD)
• Ass-to-Ambience Ratio (AAR)
• Average Pole Velocity
• Lap Dance Return on Investment (LDROI)
• Drink Price Adjusted Horniness (DPAH)
• Number of times you thought “Jesus Christ, I need to stop spending money”
• Probability that “she actually likes me”
• Bathroom cleanliness
• Structural integrity of the pole

I feel these are important questions because apparently “there were attractive women, the atmosphere was good, and I enjoyed myself” does not provide sufficient analytical rigor for the International Academy of Ass & Titties.

Perhaps we need a standardized scoring methodology.

THE PROPOSED UNIVERSAL STRIP CLUB REVIEW STANDARD

Atmosphere: 1–10 Does the room successfully conceal the passage of time and your deteriorating financial judgment?

Talent: 1–10 Self explanatory.

Titties: 1–10 I assume some sort of weighted average is appropriate here.

Ass: 1–10 Again, straightforward.

Drink Pricing: 1–10 How aggressively is your checking account being sexually assaulted?

Lap Dance Economics: 1–10 Did the experience justify the expenditure, or did you walk back to your chair afterward contemplating the fragility of human happiness?

Delusion Factor: 1–10 How convincingly did you briefly entertain the possibility that Destiny, 23, genuinely found your discussion of cryptocurrency fascinating?

Post-Nut Financial Clarity: 1–10 How rapidly did the magnitude of your evening’s expenditures become apparent?

We could then calculate a composite score.

Perhaps:

Overall Club Rating = (Titties × Ass × Atmosphere) ÷ Financial Regret

Obviously we’d need to normalize for regional pricing.

I’m not a fucking statistician.

Which brings me back to my original question for the community:

How much detail is enough detail?

Do moderators require names?

Drink prices?

Lap dance prices?

Cup sizes?

Floor plans?

Do I need to identify individual titties?

Should each titty receive its own paragraph?

If two titties belong to the same dancer, may they be reviewed collectively, or does editorial policy require independent assessments?

If implants are present, should manufacturer and estimated displacement be included?

Would photographic evidence strengthen the submission, or does that compromise the peer-review process?

Should reviewers bring measuring instruments, or are visual estimates acceptable?

What about the pole?

Nobody talks about the pole.

That thing is doing tremendous work all night and receives essentially zero recognition in most reviews.

Should pole diameter be documented?

Material?

Load rating?

Installation quality?

Has anyone here ever requested maintenance records?

These are precisely the methodological gaps preventing strip-club criticism from being taken seriously as an academic discipline.

And frankly, I think we can do better.

So please:

Discuss.

I want perspectives from experienced members.

I want moderator input.

I want competing methodologies.

I want charts.

I want graphs.

I want somebody with a statistics degree to determine whether Titties Per Dollar should be adjusted for inflation.

Together, we can establish a rigorous, reproducible framework so that no man ever again suffers the humiliation of writing five sentences about a strip club only to discover that his scholarship does not meet the editorial standards necessary to receive four fucking days of software access.

This is bigger than me now.

This is about science.