My previous review was rejected because it “should be a discussion.”
Excellent.
Let’s discuss.
I would like to open a serious dialogue with the community regarding an important question:
What, precisely, constitutes a sufficiently detailed review of a strip club?
I ask because I am attempting to access a four-day trial that requires posting a review.
My first submission was apparently too short.
So I rewrote it.
My second submission was a full paragraph containing roughly five sentences describing the establishment.
That submission was rejected because it “should be a discussion.”
So here we fucking are.
A discussion.
Gentlemen, I open the floor.
When reviewing a strip club, what level of detail are we expected to provide?
Are we reviewing the overall establishment?
Or are we expected to conduct individual performance evaluations?
Should I be taking notes?
Should I have a clipboard?
Are there standardized metrics?
For example, should reviews include:
- Titties Per Dollar (TPD)
- Ass-to-Ambience Ratio (AAR)
- Average Pole Velocity
- Lap Dance Return on Investment (LDROI)
- Drink Price Adjusted Horniness (DPAH)
- Number of times you thought “Jesus Christ, I need to stop spending money”
- Probability that “she actually likes me”
- Bathroom cleanliness
- Structural integrity of the pole
I feel these are important questions because apparently “there were attractive women, the atmosphere was good, and I enjoyed myself” does not provide sufficient analytical rigor for the International Academy of Ass & Titties.
Perhaps we need a standardized scoring methodology.
THE PROPOSED UNIVERSAL STRIP CLUB REVIEW STANDARD
Atmosphere: 1–10 Does the room successfully conceal the passage of time and your deteriorating financial judgment?
Talent: 1–10 Self explanatory.
Titties: 1–10 I assume some sort of weighted average is appropriate here.
Ass: 1–10 Again, straightforward.
Drink Pricing: 1–10 How aggressively is your checking account being sexually assaulted?
Lap Dance Economics: 1–10 Did the experience justify the expenditure, or did you walk back to your chair afterward contemplating the fragility of human happiness?
Delusion Factor: 1–10 How convincingly did you briefly entertain the possibility that Destiny, 23, genuinely found your discussion of cryptocurrency fascinating?
Post-Nut Financial Clarity: 1–10 How rapidly did the magnitude of your evening’s expenditures become apparent?
We could then calculate a composite score.
Perhaps:
Overall Club Rating = (Titties × Ass × Atmosphere) ÷ Financial Regret
Obviously we’d need to normalize for regional pricing.
I’m not a fucking statistician.
Which brings me back to my original question for the community:
How much detail is enough detail?
Do moderators require names?
Drink prices?
Lap dance prices?
Cup sizes?
Floor plans?
Do I need to identify individual titties?
Should each titty receive its own paragraph?
If two titties belong to the same dancer, may they be reviewed collectively, or does editorial policy require independent assessments?
If implants are present, should manufacturer and estimated displacement be included?
Would photographic evidence strengthen the submission, or does that compromise the peer-review process?
Should reviewers bring measuring instruments, or are visual estimates acceptable?
What about the pole?
Nobody talks about the pole.
That thing is doing tremendous work all night and receives essentially zero recognition in most reviews.
Should pole diameter be documented?
Material?
Load rating?
Installation quality?
Has anyone here ever requested maintenance records?
These are precisely the methodological gaps preventing strip-club criticism from being taken seriously as an academic discipline.
And frankly, I think we can do better.
So please:
Discuss.
I want perspectives from experienced members.
I want moderator input.
I want competing methodologies.
I want charts.
I want graphs.
I want somebody with a statistics degree to determine whether Titties Per Dollar should be adjusted for inflation.
Together, we can establish a rigorous, reproducible framework so that no man ever again suffers the humiliation of writing five sentences about a strip club only to discover that his scholarship does not meet the editorial standards necessary to receive four fucking days of software access.
This is bigger than me now.
This is about science.
Comments (29)Latest
I can't believe this was approved as an article when it is obviously a discussion question.
For your question, dozens of reviews get approved every day and there are listed guidelines. Write about your experience and include how much you spent on things like cover, drinks, dances.
@rugrat I did. But the knights Templar of tiddy clubs blocked me and called me AI.
When you go through the template for creating a review it suggests 5 paragraphs minimum as I recall. And I never would have approved of this as an article either
Can you post your review here, in your comments? We can take a look at it.
The problem is when you are new....WHERE is all this info at? (it is in a link in the submission page)
Adjuticators look at reviews through the eyes of experience and familiarity with the site. A newbie does not
This is yet another reason we need to be able to view rejected reviews.
OP that sounds like a minnow rejection...he downvotes 81% of all reviews so I would pay more attention to the other Adjudicators comments and learn from them.
I have downvoted 2 or 3 lately that were. nothing more than "went to club, club nice, nice girls, had a good time, left, the end"
rod84 had a great idea post it here and we will disect it
There is a link to review guidelines when you click on submit review... I don't recall that when I joined...but it is easy to miss things on a new site.
OP. You forgot to add the pussy observations to your checklist, Innie, outie, clean, bush, beef curtains.
There are some people who think you need to write a dissertation, or that verbosity is better than information.
I just want some truthful information that differentiates my knowledge of the reviewed club from any generic club.
I'm fine with a short review as long as it contains a fair amount of truthful, specific-to-the-club information.
Here's a bad review: tuscl.net
First off, this is obviously AI or AI-enhanced at best.
Second, there is almost nothing in this review that differentiates my knowledge from any other club. "The atmosphere was lively and energetic thanks to the hip-hop music" get the fuck out of here. Nobody says lively and energetic, nobody says thanks for the music.
Next, this person says they were there for 30 minutes, and later says they got a 30 minute dance. This absolutely does not happen. "blonde with an arm tattoo" wow you just described 1/3rd of the strippers at any club ever. The $220 room price is an absolute lie. So is the 10/10 rating. Anybody who goes to DC knows the price is more likely $500, and absolutely no club within 100 miles is better than a 6.5.
There are a small handful of active malcontents who vote down everything under 1000 words. Read one of the malcontents' reviews and you'll find paragraphs like "I paid the cover charge which was twenty american dollars to the door lady who was an older but attractive blonde who paid me back with a sunny smile. I walked past her into the club and down a long sloped hallway into the club proper, where I stopped for a moment to let my eyes adjust to the darkness and flashing lights within. I approached the bartender, another older but attractive blonde, they seem to run in pairs LMAO (that stands for Laughing My Anterior Off), and mustard up the courage to order a fine merlot of California heritage. 'M'lady, perchance couldst thou open your newest box of Barefoot?'"
Contrast that with "The cover was $20."
A good review should maximize the information/word ratio.
Reject Not an article, should be a discussion.
@gSteph get over yourself. It’s a tiddy forum. I swear forum geeks are the worst breed of human.
The signup experience is genuinely fascinating. Most companies use a button labeled “Start Free Trial.” This community has instead created what appears to be a small bureaucratic nation-state where prospective users must submit written testimony demonstrating sufficient enthusiasm before being permitted to gaze upon the sacred forum.
My first review was too short.
Fair enough.
My second review was five sentences.
Still insufficient.
I now understand my mistake. I approached this process believing I was reviewing a strip club when apparently I was defending a doctoral dissertation before the Supreme Council of Forum Elders.
Just give me a damned free trial.
@Zedd
With the submission and publishing of this article, you get a 30 day VIP membership with access to the archived reviews. If after reading the suggested guidelines you want to see what a good review looks like, check out those by Muddy or Sinclair.
@Harderlap yes I did the hard work to get my free trial by trolling the mods. It was much enjoy. Have a blessed day.
When you click on “write a review” on a club listing, among the things on that page is a button for ”Review Guidelines”. Here is the link < tuscl.net > . If you follow those guidelines, or even a majority of those guidelines, you shouldn’t have any problems getting your review published. Just don’t use AI to generate the review, and don’t copy a review from someone else.
@Harderlap neat
Here’s a review I wrote that was well received according to the comments.
tuscl.net
I don't think I've ever been annoyed enough at anything to take this much time out of my day.
Oh here’s my review which was rejected.
Also, I dgaf about what a good review looks like. That’s subjective. Some people have fucking learning disabilities. I mean really who tf do you people think you are ? Some folks literally have to blink to type. You think it’s cool to withhold access to them? You guys told me to chill? You mod geeks need to chill out. Get Over Yourselves.
Zelda. I will agree that your original review was actually a bit on the short side... depending on what amount of reviews there are for that club I might approve it but then again maybe not... but I sure enjoyed your article!!! it would be an easy thumbs up vote from me. I will add that in addition to the other comments about the pole is that if it rotates or is a static pole...
And too those who down voted this article... what's wrong with a gripe as an article? And you other two... you are way too tightly judgmental. loosen up some.
The review was shit and deserved to be rejected.
I wrote an article on what makes a good strip club review. tuscl.net
I had the same BS response on rejecting my review. "Too Short" "Not Genuine" "Fake review" "Not a review, belongs in discussions" like seriously!? Did they go? Did they have more to add? I dont recall them sitting next to me during my time at that strip club.
If you are so frustrated with the trial experience, consider paying for a fucking subscription like many of us (including myself, who also regularly adjudicates articles.) Also your original review as you posted above does, indeed, suck.
One paragraph of five sentences, the review you posted above in particular lacks sufficient detail to be approved. I would not reject as "should be discussion", I would reject for lack of sufficient detail. If you are going to strip clubs, you should be old enough to be considered a grown man. However, if you come to the discussion boards to bitch and whine that you cannot get what you want, and you clearly lack the intelligence to understand what a review of business should entail, then you lack the emotional and intellectual maturity to go to strip clubs and should stay home and play with your Legos.
As I looked at your rejected review, the only things that jumped out to me were; it would have been nice if you had mentioned the name of the dancer you got a dance from and a general idea of what she did or did not want to do. Maybe a bit of a description of what she looked like (old, young, chubby, skinny. Probably 2-3 more lines would have been enough to get an idea.
As far as what you paid, dance prices in Arizona generally vary from $25-$40 per dance in the VIP. Shouldn't be a big deal, but some dudes are cheap ( I mean money conscious ) to the point where 5-10 dollars is a way bigger hang-up than you'd think it would be considering you're in a strip club, where I generally consider anything less than $150 out the door to be a cheaper than average visit.
I also had a recent review rejected because of a lack of details. Probably because I was only in the place long enough to have the burger and beer lunch deal, didn't actually talk to any dancers because none of them were attractive to me, therefore no dances. In fact, the basic idea was to mention that the talent in the place that day was at an all-time low.
I've been moderating for years. I took a somewhat long break but returned. Truthfully, as far as I am concerned, the rundown of your visit is important. I don't think it's necessary to describe the layout of the club which usually has been done ad nauseum already. Cover charge and drink pricing is helpful as that can change, and any specials would help someone make a decision. Of course costs for dances and room charges are important if it can be added based on your particular visit. I personally like to see the ethnic mix of the girls working since it helps potential patrons to make their decision. Since beauty ranking is in the eye of the beholder, that has to be take with a grain of salt.
Now, if the reviewer wants to get detailed about a specific dancer or dancers, that is a slippery slope. I wouldn't reject a review for including the info, but discretion is kind of appropriate. If it were to be completely over the top like a Penthouse letter, well then maybe that should be omitted.
One particular reviewer that has been here forever, likely writes the best and most entertaining reviews on here and actually enjoyable and hilarious. I don't think anyone could replicate his prose!
Sometimes my reviews get rejected but I don't whine, complain, squeal or pout about it. What I usually do is try to self reflect on what I did wrong, do what I need to do, including giving specific names of the dancers i like, what the vibes of the clubs is like, drink prices, dance prices, admissions prices, what kind of music is placed, whether the dancers are MILFy or not, how sensual dances were and more. You have to look at the closest reviews to yours so you can actually get your reviews posted.
You can learn a lot about a person through their writing, both by what they choose to write about and how they express themselves. The more they write, the more you know. Between the tone of this "article" and the OP's follow-up comments, I think we know more than enough. Just sayin'.
If OP has put 10% of the time and effort into the review as he put into this tirade, it probably would have been approved.