Can I just say how much...

Can I just say how much I love the King of Diamonds? I stayed away from this place even though, up until a couple years ago, it was one of only two clubs daring to advertise on television (the way-popular and way-overrated Deja Vu being the other). The first time I went blew my mind because it didn't do -- and still doesn't do -- many things I thought were must-bes in a strip club. Now, I think it's the best SC in the Twin Cities, and every stripper hound should do his or her darndest to get to the KoD.

Mind you, however, it'll be a bit of a drive. The radio ads tout that it's only 10 minutes away from the airport; more like 20. And from where I live (north of Minneapolis) it's a good 45 minutes. Exit off 494 onto Concord St., which is only 35 mph and is thus a ripe speed trap, especially around the 2 a.m. closing time. The one-story building is the last in a long line of establishments on the road; there literally is nothing but wildnerness beyond it. Cross the railroad tracks onto the huge parking lot. It's not that brightly lit, but you'll see once you get inside that there are cameras monitoring the lot. If you get there before 5 there is no cover, but I have always gone at night and paid $5.

The most amazing thing about the main room is that the top of the walls are lined with every single neon beer sign every made. If you can pry your eyes off the girls on stage, take a look around; you won't believe there are people who make so many of these kitchy things. There are two black runway stages, one front, one back. Since it's usually very busy when I get there, I plop myself along the tip rail of the front stage. The waitresses are good but are persistent in keeping some sort of fluid in front of you. However, if it's very crowded and you slip in unnoticed, it'll take a while for someone to get your order. I pay $8 (with tip) for a Corona and $5 (with tip) for a Coke, if that helps.