Notice to Management. Notice to strip club community.

As one of the few strip clubs within Chicago proper and the only nude option, the Admiral Theater has little in the way of completion. Knowing that patrons have very limited choices, the management of this club acts accordingly. The level of control is stifling and the effort to present as “classy” has created the most somber and joyless club I’ve ever encountered. The “no touching” rule is repeated so many times before one has taken a seat that it can only come across as awkward. And you are shown to a seat but never told that it is OK to move to the stage or circulate around the venue. If bathroom breaks were not a human necessity, I am sure management would prefer that we stay seated until finally being ushered out, wallet emptied but without a single memorable experience. My visit reminded me of the Stanford prison experiment where the guards abuse the prisoners. A fascinating study. Look it up: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment. I’ve been to many well-appointed clubs trying hard to be classy where efforts like having the security team dressed in suits is part of the strategy. Instead of feeling high-end, this club was simply uncomfortable. I include recommendations at the end of this review for management who I am sure read TUSCL reviews. But I am also encouraging strip club patrons to avoid this club at all costs until changes are made. On to the review…

The club opens each night at 10pm. I arrived around 10:30 on a Friday, paid the $28 cover, was told “no alcohol and no touching”, and checked my jacket (this is mandatory). Coat check is free, but tipping is encouraged. The coat check is my first exposure to the numerous attempts to establish that this is a classy place. It is the theme here and not a good one. After dropping my coat, I head down a corridor on the right side of the building. The path is divided by a red velvet rope. I go to the right side of the barrier and the path ends at a velvet rope across my path into the club. Here I am met by a host/security guard who asks where I would like to sit. I said “near the stage but not at the stage.” I was told this was an acceptable choice and was shown to a chair with a table. I was also told by the guard “no touching and that the waitress would be along shorty to take my (non-alcoholic) drink order.” I later learned that drinks are only available through the waitresses and that patrons are not allowed to go to the bar to get a beverage. I was never told I could change seats (I did) or where the restroom is located (in the front). If the club insists that patrons are seated by a bouncer, it would be helpful to get more information than I was given on my visit.

The club has a large stage in the front middle, with a micro stage in the middle of the seating area. The micro stage was used maybe once during my 3-hour stay. To the right of the entry path are rooms for private dances with more along the left side of this space. There is an elevated seating section to the right of the stage and to the back left. Patrons are largely corralled into the middle of the space near the stage. The dancers, when not chatting up the guests, sit around the edges. The space is nice with red and black velvet everywhere. I have certainly been to clubs with more comfortable seating, an area where they clearly took the cheap route (not classy). There are a couple large screen TVs in the front, but these play only videos from past Admiral events. Considering the slow pace of the performances, it would be nice if sports were shown on the TVs especially during the long stretches when the bigger girls take the stage.