My ears are much better now, thank you
This club wins the Emergency Earplugs Award for playing music so loud that it’s actually painful, so loud that it isn’t possible to order a drink, and so loud that you can’t negotiate with a dancer.
Welcome to the only option for miles in any direction, the littlest, sketchiest venue to bear the Spearmint Rhino name.
It’s already a blur for me, but I think I paid $25 to get in. I actually wanted my usual—club soda—and sometimes I even get a piece of lime in there, but I keep my expectations low.
A nice dancer found a waitress, who, when I asked for a club soda with lime, kept asking “what?” (remember what I said about the music volume), until she ended up explaining that she had never heard of those two things. I swear I’m not making this up, the dancer I was standing with heard the same thing. She had never heard of club soda, and she had never heard of lime. She didn’t offer any other options, she just shrugged and walked away.
So that was fun. There was a tiny stage, and little, hard to move chairs jammed in on two sides of it. There were two booths that could handle three or four people, and they seemed like a nice place to try to talk to a dancer if the main speakers for the sound system weren’t hanging directly overhead.
Most of the girls were looking pretty heavy, which is not a great sign for me—until I spotted Seven, an adorable, slender white girl with black hair, perky little tits and a movie star face. Yum!
We sat together and tried to talk, but couldn’t hear each other so we ended up pointing at the printed dance menu on the back of the drink menu that had been sitting in front of me the whole time on the tiny table.
We had a 20-minute dance that (I think) was around $220 or $240, my club-centric road trip was starting to blur together at this point. She was a visual delight in the little private booth (I think it was an open door with no curtain—at any rate, no one ever walked past).
She was sweet, a little handsy, and did something that often surprises me, which was to start slamming her pelvis really hard against my lap. I’m probably the only guy who doesn’t love it, but I always feel like I’m going to end up with bruises.
So that was plenty of fun for me, and Seven wanted us to be social media buddies, which I was happy to do, and so now I know a cute girl in Santa Maria! Yay!
Not sure I’d ever return, certainly not without protective hearing equipment, but who knows!
