Oh on second thought let's not go to Camelot, 'tis a silly place

Camelot. Night of Frigg. I rode hard and fast through the night. I approach a black night guarding this abode. Hey muttered bottle service? "NEY" I responded. DRAW! EN GUARDE!, WHAT SAY YOU! A DUEL WAS HAD! And I slayed him on the spot. (Which I admit was a bit of dick move, but medieval times call for medieval solutions) No penance demanded, no calls for identification that I was Greatest White Knight in the land. Due to my denial of bottle service I was escorted and seated and relegated to the peasant bar, while the kings carried on at their royal tables. I felt as though I was trapped in a pillory. 10 minute dance with damsel would 200 doubloon, Lady Guinevere room 1 hour 1000 doubloon and King Arthur room 2 hours 2000 doubloon.

About 15 damsels who carroled about on stage, one at time. They would come down and beg for sterling to each knight for which I granted. For these fair maidens, were the fairest in all the land. My visor was up and stayed there as I gazed upon them until Innkeeper slapped the shit out of me to ask me what my ale would be. I'll have one Olde English I answer, as I saw many of the vagrants outside enjoying the very same ale paper bag and all. 14 schilling. Back to strumpets, ranging I would say 7-9 and even a 10. Not a wench in sight. Soil your royal oates with many here indeed, great stock hailing from many lands, Europe, Africa, Spain, and even the far east. Many with great bosoms and bust, some crafted by some of the worst blacksmiths down in Miami a knight can find. And others slender and spry. Poplolly's and Bellibones, great in number, great in number indeed.

My barmaid, Rebecca from the House of Lady that sounds like Rosseane Barr fused with Fran Dresher yet still somehow manages to be hot as all fucking hell (Yes a rather odd house name) Fair skinned girl, brown locks, 29 years of age, a stunning a sight to be hold, I asked for her hand in marriage and if she would dance with me to an olde tune on my harp. "Only if one buys the King Arthur room for the night and beds me there" 2000 shillings for a mere 2 hours from Compline to Matins. YEAH FUCK ALL THAT SHIT, NO LADY. Black rose....my heart aches of sadness but I would recover. I gaze across the tavern, a tavern fit for nobility a may add.