Tediously exciting or excitingly tedious.

It's been years since I've entered the Pepto Pink Palace in Burlington. Very little has changed. Required Stuff: It's a pink building surrounded by a parking lot. The entrance is through a vestibule on the Rt. 130 side. Inside, it's a mirror lined room with a rectangle bar with the longways to the back. It's dark. I let my eye adjust. It was about 4:00. It was not crowded. On one long side of the bar, there's the restrooms, the entrance to the dancers' dressing room and a couple of VIP rooms. In the back, there's more VIP rooms. The stage is surrounded by the bar. The side oppose the bathrooms was more crowded. The patrons were 40% Mexican guys, 40% younger kids, and the rest old farts like me.

When the ladies dance here, it's a lot more like walking than dancing. An attractive brunette that I never met was dancing on stage when I walked in. No cover was taken at the door. I sat down and ordered a water -- which was $10 and came with a second bottle. (There's your cover). I was immediately approached by an older woman who was in terrific shape for her age, with a trim body, dark hair and eyes and a nice pair of man mades. She said her name was "Hyena" -- or so I thought, must be the infamous "Cayenne." I decorated her with ones but declined her offer of a dance. Then came Devon, a curvy white woman who was very appealing. I declined her offer as well since I had literally just gotten there. Finally, I was visited by a woman whom I will call "Moon" -- not her name, but you'll figure it out if you're literate. She was a slim brunette with flashing dark eyes and black hair cut as a bob (if it wasn't a wig). I knew I shouldn't but she was catnip. She spoke accentless English but was clearly hispaniec. So off I went for a dance. Let's say the woman is a pro. Got me in the room told me to open my drawers and threw a pillow on floor in front of the bench -- er "couch" -- I was supposed to sit on. All very good signs. She then suggested we do 15 mins at $150 rather than the usual $30 for 4 mins. I agreed. What she did was rather out in the open and lubed with saliva but nothing out of the ordinary for this venue. She was effective and I did not hold out for 15 minutes. She felt guilty enough to give me a nice back rub -- of professional quality -- when I sat back down at the bar. I met Jillian who was a Brazilian. She was a big woman all around but perfectly proportionate. I tipped her. A couple others swung by I tipped them. A slim waspy brunette with C cups named Tiffany went on stage to walk back and forth. I handed out some more dollar bills. Eventually Tiffany came around. No accent. So I passed. Twas getting late in the evening and I needed to go. So I did.

While I get why guys from all over the country might think this place is the shizzle -- for god's sake, I parked next to a car with Georgia plates! -- and I get that it often sits nicely in the looks vs. mileage category -- for locals it can be kind of tedious. It's the same old thing every time with the same cast on the same stage. I've seen this show so many times that it's about as predictable as a Friends re-run.