A Good Sleaze Dive

I headed down the I-5 for my bi-annual Portland visit. I had the usual bullshit to do but managed to do the strip club tour in-between my chores. I got in town Friday afternoon, lucked out at Cabaret II and Pirates Cove Friday night, and then struck gold with Dream On Saloon Saturday morning. Portland being known as a town for low mileage, I came with low expectations, but ended up getting one of the better lap dances I’ve gotten in awhile when I ran into Bella at the Saloon, spending only $70.

I went in to the club around noon, swinging by the adjacent bikini shack located in the club’s parking lot first. Kudos to the business acumen of whoever came up with the idea of putting a bikini shack next to a strip club. The pervs who frequent the club are natural patrons of these venerable skimp stands, so the shacks business basically just falls in its lap. Perv on some naked women at the stand, and then head into the club and…perv on some more naked women. The shack, Beanies, has some of the better skimp shack terminology I’ve seen. Words like blowjob, slut, and naked are combined with generic coffee terms as coffee menu options. I perved at the stand for a bit and tipped for the amazing, uh, coffee. Somehow her bra fell off around this time too. Don’t tell me how. I took another swig of the coffee and it tasted so fucking amazing I just had to tip again. Then somehow her thong slipped down. Then I parked and went into the club.

DreamOn has always had the perfect balance of feeling like a neighborhood dive while simultaneously having the right amount of sleaze to feel like a real strip club. A problem that a lot of other strip dives in town have is that they veer too far into normie territory, to the point that they barely even feel like strip clubs. A Saloon patron can have the affectation of a IPA connoisseur while fondling the naked stripper on his lap (“The beer there was amazing, and naked women were also there, not that I was there for that obviously”).

Heading in, I’m greeted by a ratchet looking tall blonde twerking naked on stage. Small tits and saggy ass, but she’s tall and slim. Shaved kitty. I only mention that because beaver sightings have been known to happen in this town. She yelled out a greeting, but I just smiled. I wasn’t in the mood for anything until I’d gotten a little libation. No sign of the bar girl though.

Seeing me waiting at the bar, naked blondie says that bar girl is having a smoke. The bar girl, the lovely redhead Miranda, came back in a minute later, and what a shame it is she isn’t stripping. I’d have paid decent money to see this girl naked, and even more to get her in the LDA. She easily rivals most of the strippers in the eye candy department. The Casa Diablo tradition of having topless bargirls should be the norm in this town, but sadly redheads top goods were concealed under a t-shirt proudly bearing the text ‘Badass Bitch,’ but the fully clothed Miranda wasn’t showing it, so you know, I’ll wait to believe it when I see it. I got my IPA and took a seat at a table near the single medium sized stage, opting to avoid the rack for now. Bella, a thick Latina with dyed bleach blonde hair, was sitting at a nearby table, waiting to go up.