This was a tale of 2...

This was a tale of 2 halves, to be sure. Kind of like the Patriots shitting the bed in the first half with receivers dropping passes all over the field, then Tom Brady lighting it up in the second half to clinch the victory.

I walked into HiLiter at about 7:30 on a Tuesday night and my first impression was that the club was pretty dumpy and a little on the small side. I paid a $5 cover and, after almost 10 minutes of sitting, had to walk up to the unimpressive bar to buy a $6.75 vodka from an uninterested bartender. Not a good start. I thought the girls were a little below average, certainly compared to Bourbon Street girls -- which are less than 10 minutes away in a much better looking club. It seemed very few of the girls actually danced once they were one stage. Maybe they thought they were doing a low-class lingerie fashion show or something, because only 1 or 2 of them could shake their bootie to any extent. The most energetic was a fairly cute Asian -- and I later saw her give a very inspired lap dance -- but she had essentially non-existent tits, so she was off my list before she knew it.

I eventually spotted Audrey (8 body, 7.5 face), who had nicely sculpted tits and carried herself well. She sat down on my lap and we chatted. She appeared to be 30-something, said she was from Chicago, looked Jewish upon closer inspection, and was very well spoken. Classy girl and she was giving my shoulder muscles some trigger point therapy as we spoke and flirted. I decided on a lap dance against the wall ($15), but I chose the chair that's wedged next to the VIP wall -- it felt like the most private to me. Well, Audrey kept this frozen smile on her face the whole time(somewhat unnerving) and seemed more interested in giving a massage and asking personal questions than snogging. She lifted up her bra to show me her tits, but absolutely no touching -- not even her ass, which she was lamely sticking in my face. She was moving slowly and methodically, thinking she was being sensual, but it was flat and completely uninspiring. No wood to report here, gents. She talked me into a second song, but it didn't get any better. Well, at this stage (8:30), I was going to down my vodka and head to Bourbon Street, but through the corner of my eye, in walks the game changer.