Anyone following the club scene in...

Anyone following the club scene in Memphis should know that since January 2012 nude dancing has been outlawed. I had some free time on a recent trip to the River City, so I figured I’d check out how things were holding up without as much skin. Contrary to the obvious shill review below, the short answer is: not well.

Christie’s physical layout is pretty standard for an “upscale” club, with a large main stage, bar to one side, ample and comfortable seating, and upstairs lap dance and VIP areas. Sound system and stage lighting were professionally done, and overall the physical setup gives a high quality, relaxed vibe.

The problem is there aren’t enough dancers, and of course none of them are able to show any skin. When I stopped by on a weekday evening there were 3-4 dancers hanging out at the bar, with a rotation of ladies doing three-song sets on stage. Maybe three customers in the entire place (and being a larger club, you really sense that emptiness). I hit the bar for a drink when I arrived, and unfortunately was latched onto by an overeager brunette. Desperation, as they say, is a stinky cologne. Since I was just getting my bearings I let her join me as I found a seat near the stage, but I wasn’t planning on buying dances from a 5 with weak conversational skills if any better opportunities presented themselves. Shortly after settling in, the “better opportunity” appeared on stage in the form of a tall peroxide blonde with what seemed almost certain to be an enhanced upper body (obviously it’s harder to tell when the lady in question remains fully clothed).